the "nonprofessional escort"

[Scorpio]

I guess you've learned the hard way that gay internet sites are not immune to internet fraud.

 

OK, your first escort experience wasn't a good one. When you communicated with the escort were you using your big head or the little one? Were you clear about what you wanted (to the point of possibly turning away the escort if he shows up and it's clear he stretched the truth)?

 

So he doesn't have to repeat himself again....I'm thinking more little than big...but the biggest problems seems to have been the visual...the escort didn't have the advertised six-pack:

 

http://www.companyofmen.org/showthread.php?t=69844

http://www.companyofmen.org/showthread.php?t=69928

 

My experience six-packs come and go and are the least important part of the equation...but that's just me. My favorite guy sometimes has one and sometimes doesn't...but the most important things never change.

[jackcali]

I'm with you, Glutes. I also am a fan of the "non-professional" or, I guess, "semi-professional" escort. I wonder, though, if the reason that experience is better than the advertising/hyped escort is because your expectations are more reasonable. I think the reviews of the professionals are so full of hyperbole that they start to mess with your expectations to the point that you expect a session with a 'famous' escort to be a transcendent experience rather than just good or great sex. (I'm reminded of an exchange from a Woody Allen movie, "My psychiatrist says I'm having the wrong kind of orgasms." "I've never had the wrong kind. My worst one was right on the money.")

 

The other reason I'm fond of semi-pros is a different issue, but also one involving expectations. Many of the escorts on this board are so sexually experienced and adventurous (and many of the clients are too, by the way) that I am totally intimidated by them, and I think that my plain vanilla, relatively unadventurous self doesn't belong in bed with them. It may not be the best analogy, but I get on the tennis court and enjoy hitting with my local club's pro, but I would probably be intimidated and uncomfortable hitting with Roger Federer, especially knowing that the club pro might actually have some fun hitting with me but RF would certainly be bored out of his mind.

[firsttimer]

Sorry Boston Guy, but I'm just not ready to do something like visit a gay bar =( I'm getting palpitations just thinking about that. It was hard enough to hire one escort, but to go to a gay bar and find someone is crazy for me. Also even in my normal straight life I don't go to bars. I don't drink, smoke, or dance. I'm the kind of person who'd enjoy dinner with friends at someone's apartment talking and hanging out. So I'd be way out of my element added on top that it's a gay bar.

 

Thanks Scorpio for linking my other threads so I don't have to repeat the whole thing after starting a new thread for this separate topic

 

Thanks blondeq for the rule of threes. I've never heard of that before. And I would jerk off but I actually don't mastubate at all (and also I live with two other people so it's not private). This statement will probably open up a whole can of worms. Maybe I should take a cold shower first instead.

[Rod Hagen]

(waves hand in the air)

 

ohh...ohh....me first....

 

umm...to fuck.

 

O NYCman you and I could have SO much fun if just one of us were otherwise inclined. I think we'd even go to Peter Lugers or Per Se* afterward (and then fuck again.)

 

*confession, I haven't been.

[Boston Guy]

Sorry Boston Guy, but I'm just not ready to do something like visit a gay bar =( I'm getting palpitations just thinking about that. It was hard enough to hire one escort, but to go to a gay bar and find someone is crazy for me. Also even in my normal straight life I don't go to bars. I don't drink, smoke, or dance. I'm the kind of person who'd enjoy dinner with friends at someone's apartment talking and hanging out. So I'd be way out of my element added on top that it's a gay bar.

 

Thanks Scorpio for linking my other threads so I don't have to repeat the whole thing after starting a new thread for this separate topic

 

Thanks blondeq for the rule of threes. I've never heard of that before. And I would jerk off but I actually don't mastubate at all (and also I live with two other people so it's not private). This statement will probably open up a whole can of worms. Maybe I should take a cold shower first instead.

 

Well, you'll figure it out. Just be kind to yourself along the way and don't judge yourself too harshly. This road you are walking along is not unfamiliar to many of us and while it often leads through Palpitation City it just as often ends at Happiness Trail.

 

As an FYI, the first time I went to a gay bar, I was 27. I was nervous as hell but had to go because I'd promised friends that I would. It took about 30 minutes to work up the courage to actually walk in the door.

 

When I walked in, the first thing I saw was a dance floor with guys dancing with each other. Then I looked around and saw a bar and a bunch of guys leaning on it and people chatting and having fun and I realized that instead of the den of iniquity that I had imagined, it was really rather like almost any other bar I'd ever gone to. There just weren't many girls there.

 

Within five minutes, I felt as if I'd come home. It took months and months of thinking and sweating and worrying about who I was and where I was going and what my family would say and what my friends would say and what my life would be like and doing some strange and crazy things (like -- and this is totally true story -- hiring an escort for a one-hour encounter that I found awful, even though he was a very nice guy; I just wasn't ready at all for that experience). I had gone to a couple of other cities and walked around gay neighborhoods and felt incredibly lonely. I was miserable and scared and worried. I felt that there was no way in hell that I could let anyone I knew know what I was thinking or doing.

 

And five minutes after I walked into that gay bar, I knew that I was on the right road for me. It took another three months or so before I stopped calling myself bisexual and started identifying as gay. It took another three months before I started telling a few, very carefully chosen friends that I was gay. And it took a year before I told my family. But along the way, I met a lot of gay guys, made some friends who are still friends today and had more fun that summer than I'd had in the previous five years combined.

 

This should be a great, fun time of your life. Your 20s can be great. If they're not, then you owe it to yourself to figure out what the problem is and work on solving it.

 

Be safe. Be careful of personal security, especially with guys on CL. If it gets to that, be safe in terms of sex. But please, for yourself, go out and have some fun. I'm concerned that you are looking for one perfect encounter with one perfect guy and there's no such thing. But there are tons of guys out there who are nice and sweet and charming and who can be a lot of fun to spend time with, including as friends. That's why I suggested going to the bar, that and my own personal experience which even though it was close to 30 years ago wasn't all that far from what you are going through now.

 

I truly wish you the best of luck.

 

BG

[+ Charlie]

There has been some excellent advice in this thread, and--lucky you!--no one has intervened with snide or dismissive comments about your emotions. All I would add is that it sounds like you live far too much inside your own head. You don't want your friends/colleagues/roommates to know about your desires, but how close are they to you if they don't have any idea of what your sexual/emotional needs are? Are you constantly role-playing the totally heterosexual stud for them? If not, it wouldn't surprise me if they already have questions about you, that they are reluctant to broach because you are so obviously sensitive. Do you have any friend or family member whom you trust enough to confide the feelings that you have confided here to complete strangers? If not, then you do need some real friends more than you need sex partners.

 

Finally, a word of advice about sexual experiences: if you expect too much from them, they are bound to be disappointing. The reality never lives up to the fantasy one indulges while lying alone in bed at night. Those great porn movies don't show the pimples on the perfect ass, the bad breath and the uncontrolled farts, the bathroom breaks, the orgasms at the wrong moment, etc. If one participant gets exactly what he wants, the other one probably doesn't, which is one reason for hiring a real pro and telling him exactly what you want, though even then there will probably not be total satisfaction. Relax, and realize that you are a normally imperfect human being trying to enjoy himself with another human being who is probably more normally imperfect than you want him to be.

 

And welcome to the Message Board!

[Guest greatness]

hmm

 

I totally agree. Nobody is perfect but can work together to make it work.

 

T

 

Relax, and realize that you are a normally imperfect human being trying to enjoy himself with another human being who is probably more normally imperfect than you want him to be.

 

And welcome to the Message Board!

[Gar1eth]

And I would jerk off but I actually don't mastubate at all (and also I live with two other people so it's not private). This statement will probably open up a whole can of worms. Maybe I should take a cold shower first instead.

 

I am going to chime in here. I am a pretty quiet masturbater--always have been since I learned to do it when I was 16--I know I was a late bloomer. And 1st Timer--if you really don't want to masturbate--I don't want to push you into it. But if you are feeling desperate to have sex or meet with a guy--possibly masturbating could provide you the relief you need to hold off and make a logical choice on who to pick next.

 

Gman

[JT Brooklyn]

No Jerk = No Drive!

 

Ya All realize this Thread has gone on longer than "Any Session" with a Working Guy Ever Has or Will!

 

"You can Lead a Client to a Working Guy..BUT that doesn't mean he will ever Hire Him"!

 

Anyone who doesn't "Jerk Off" sure can't have a Great Sex Drive that's enough to make him decide to Hire ($$) a Working Guy either! I.M.H.O.

[Boston Guy]

Ya All realize this Thread has gone on longer than "Any Session" with a Working Guy Ever Has or Will!

 

"You can Lead a Client to a Working Guy..BUT that doesn't mean he will ever Hire Him"!

 

Anyone who doesn't "Jerk Off" sure can't have a Great Sex Drive that's enough to make him decide to Hire ($$) a Working Guy either! I.M.H.O.

 

I dunno, JT. There are lots of different ways of walking through this world. I don't think we should be so quick to judge.

[firsttimer]

Thanks again for all your advice. I want to write more and reply to all these comments but I can't right now with people around my apartment.

 

I had my second experience today and it was great with Ryan in Chicago from windycityboys. So much better. Can't wait to tell you all.

[Guest zipperzone]

The following is said with compassion - believe it or not.....

 

There are some people who just cannot be helped. I think firsttimer may be one of those people.

[Guest Merlin]

Non-professional to me would be someone who does not advertise, or sign with an agency or otherwise actively seek escorting with new clients, and who does not do it on a frequent basis. I have hired a number of guys who once were escorts or porn stars and moved on to something else, but who occasionally meet with me because they know what to expect and know that they can trust that I am not a cop and will not spread their name, etc. One that I continue to see every few months (for 10 years) is married with children and a business.

If someone has left the business and moved on we should respect their privacy and not approach them.

[Guest DuchessIvanaKizznhugg]

Kudos to Boston Guy; Courage to firsttimer

 

There are lots of different ways of walking through this world. I don't think we should be so quick to judge.

 

Boston Guy, your thoughtful, compassionate approach to helping firsttimer is extremely admirable. Are you a professional therapist by any chance, or just one heck of a great guy?

 

 

firsttimer, you are fortunate to have tapped into his deep well of wisdom as a guide to your dilemma. I hope you will keep us posted on what is, I'm sure, a bit of a scary/conflicting merging of your desires, thoughts, and actions.

 

Awakening to a new you is complicated and can be scary...but it can also be liberating and immensely fulfilling. Have faith that you are on the right path for you. Have courage and be kind to yourself while exploring.

 

[JT Brooklyn]

Thanks again for all your advice. I want to write more and reply to all these comments but I can't right now with people around my apartment.

 

I had my second experience today and it was great with Ryan in Chicago from windycityboys. So much better. Can't wait to tell you all.

 

Dear First...With "People around your Apartment" now JT knows why you don't Jerk Off! NO PRIVACY

[firsttimer]

Dear First...With "People around your Apartment" now JT knows why you don't Jerk Off! NO PRIVACY

 

Yes I have no privacy and actually have to be even more private now that one of them (a relative) saw my email up to Kennedy about trying to set up my second experience. Suffice it to say, it was a bad confontation and now I can't check my email with any of my roommates around.

 

But I just submitted my review of Ryan and hope it gets published. My pretty positive review of Kyle went up today. THe more I read it the more I probably was too positive since I wrote it the day after and was still semiprocessing the whole experience. Ryan was exponentially better. Here's a preview of what I wrote so you all can see what happened:

 

Thanks again and again for all your continued advice. I take all of it even if I can't be helped It's not easy living a closeted life.

 

Daddy Sez: "Please don't post reviews in the Message Center"

[JT Brooklyn]

2nd Time!

 

Yes I have no privacy and actually have to be even more private now that one of them (a relative) saw my email up to Kennedy about trying to set up my second experience. Suffice it to say, it was a bad confontation and now I can't check my email with any of my roommates around.

 

But I just submitted my review of Ryan and hope it gets published. My pretty positive review of Kyle went up today. THe more I read it the more I probably was too positive since I wrote it the day after and was still semiprocessing the whole experience. Ryan was exponentially better. Here's a preview of what I wrote so you all can see what happened:

 

Thanks again and again for all your continued advice. I take all of it even if I can't be helped It's not easy living a closeted life.

Daddy Sez: Please don't post reviews in the Message Center.

[Guest greatness]

well

 

I'm glad that you had a great time. Once you get easy meeting other gay people you will be able to gradually come out. That's a lot of money for 20 something to spend btw. When I was in twenties (yesterday my seafood guy told me he was 24 and old..his friend made a joke after 24 you are really going down... I told them I was ancient!) I saved a lot for my future and I became well off. My advice as a gay person is save money when you are young for rainy days. You will have a lot of time to hire later in your life. If you have to save to see escorts at your age then wait a little bit until you are financially independent and sound. Escorts can be addictive.

 

You have to respect gay people. Because some people are against them you are not going to defend for them? I have straight friends who aren't gay but they always speak up for them. There isn't a problem with being gay. It's not being straight or gay is the issue, it's how one act can be a problem.

 

Daddy Sez: Please don't post reviews in the Message Center."

[firsttimer]

Duplicate post.

[firsttimer]

Sorry Daddy. I guess I'm not allowed to post my reviews on the board so you'll all just have to wait until it gets publish.

 

And you're right greatness, I need to save up my money and no spend it on this new possible addiction. That's why you all need to keep me straight (that was a pun)! I look forward to keep on hearing all your advice and support for someone new to all this like me. And I hope others lurking on the board will have enough courage to also ask their questions like me.

[+ nycman]

For those of you that missed the "illicit" review of Ryan, hopefully

Daddy will let me summarize, because Firsttimer's story isn't really

complete without it.

 

Firsttimmer liked him...a lot.

They had fun together. He got his first boy blow job.

Not the kind of fun that us Whammers have, but fun nonetheless.

 

Firsttimer, I'm glad you didn't let one bad experience dissuade you from trying again.

 

And yes, I'll sing at your TOTALLY homo wedding in the Castro 5 years from now,

just please don't sit me next to your balling ex-wife.

 

$500 bet...any takers?....grin

[firsttimer]

Thanks nycman for that short synopsis of my review You basically summed it up. I got my first head from him and you forgot my first guy kiss and jackoff too.

 

And you're more than welcome to sing at my future wedding. We'll see if you're 500 bet comes true or not! Although are you also predicting that I'll get married and divorced in those 5 years too since you'll be sitting next to my ex-wife? Lol.

 

For those of you that missed the "illicit" review of Ryan, hopefully

Daddy will let me summarize, because Firsttimer's story isn't really

complete without it.

 

Firsttimmer liked him...a lot.

They had fun together. He got his first boy blow job.

Not the kind of fun that us Whammers have, but fun nonetheless.

 

Firsttimer, I'm glad you didn't let one bad experience dissuade you from trying again.

 

And yes, I'll sing at your TOTALLY homo wedding in the Castro 5 years from now,

just please don't sit me next to your balling ex-wife.

 

$500 bet...any takers?....grin

[Guest greatness]

lol

 

I would love to sing at your wedding too ~~~~ You can audition me and see whether I am qualified...

 

 

Thanks nycman for that short synopsis of my review You basically summed it up. I got my first head from him and you forgot my first guy kiss and jackoff too.

 

And you're more than welcome to sing at my future wedding. We'll see if you're 500 bet comes true or not! Although are you also predicting that I'll get married and divorced in those 5 years too since you'll be sitting next to my ex-wife? Lol.

[Guest zipperzone]

I have straight friends who aren't gay

 

Really? Now that's a ringing affirmative statement if I ever heard one.

[Guest greatness]

lol

 

Indeed. You are right. I didn't even notice that until you pointed it out. More medication I need.

 

Really? Now that's a ringing affirmative statement if I ever heard one.