the "nonprofessional escort"

[firsttimer]

So Boston Guy posted a very well written reply with some advice and I wanted to start a new thread on this top specifically. I have heard from other board members besides Boston Guy that people have had better experiences with the "nonprofessional escort". My question is how to find these "nonprofessional escorts".

 

Usually I would guess Craig's List. While that might be possible in NYC. Here in Chicago, all I"ve found are scammers, conartists, and picture collectors. Is there some other site or method that I'm not utilising? Can anyone shed some more light on this? Thanks!

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boston Guy

Over the years, finding the non-professional escort has generally produced a better experience for me (often far better) than hiring known escorts. I've hired some guys over a period of several years and I still occasionally get together with a guy in LA who I first hired in 1999. He doesn't escort any more, except when I call him. When we get together, it's like two old friends getting together because we have a long and varied shared history. That's nice.

[Boston Guy]

FT:

 

I want to reply to your question and I will do so. But, before I do, I'd like to ask a couple of questions of my own, if I may. Since I haven't been hanging around here much for quite some time, I'm out of touch with what's going on in the Message Center. Your responses will help me determine how to answer your question.

 

First, why do you want to hire an escort? Second, what do you hope to experience with an escort (not sexually; I'm looking more for what you hope to get from the experience.)? And, third, do you see this as a one-time thing? Or do you think that you might end up hiring escorts on a regular basis?

 

There are no wrong answers to these questions.

 

BG

[robberbaron4u]

Non-professional escorts

 

I had the acquaintance of a gentleman who hosts a pool part in the course of the off season at Palm Beach where "non-professional" escorts of very high quality can meet men who can properly appreciate their attributes. The atmosphere was very compelling, and, on the occasion of my attendance, I encountered some very fetching young men; I "hooked up" with one of them, a young blonde Teutonic god in his late twenties, a real estate broker , and, yes, part-time Chippendales dancer, and, the sexual intimacy with him was superlative.

[JT Brooklyn]

Non Pro

 

So Boston Guy posted a very well written reply with some advice and I wanted to start a new thread on this top specifically. I have heard from other board members besides Boston Guy that people have had better experiences with the "nonprofessional escort". My question is how to find these "nonprofessional escorts".

 

Usually I would guess Craig's List. While that might be possible in NYC. Here in Chicago, all I"ve found are scammers, conartists, and picture collectors. Is there some other site or method that I'm not utilising? Can anyone shed some more light on this? Thanks!

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boston Guy

Over the years, finding the non-professional escort has generally produced a better experience for me (often far better) than hiring known escorts. I've hired some guys over a period of several years and I still occasionally get together with a guy in LA who I first hired in 1999. He doesn't escort any more, except when I call him. When we get together, it's like two old friends getting together because we have a long and varied shared history. That's nice.

 

Once you get a "Paycheck" in a Chosen Field how can you NOT be a Professional? Once you've also done more than ONE Guy your a Pro also!

 

I would think a NON PRO is gonna do it for FREE!

[+ purplekow]

I have been paid for driving someone to the airport, does that make me a professional driver? In college, as a hitchhiker I had a gentleman pay me to allow him to fellate me, I don't consider myself a professional blow job receiver, just a very interested amateur that is occasional lucky enough to get paid for it (well just that once actually). I do think that the gentlemen for whom firsttimer is looking are probably getting paid regularly to do something else and occasionally get paid to get laid.

[+ nycman]

First, why do you want to hire an escort?

(waves hand in the air)

 

ohh...ohh....me first....

 

umm...to fuck.

 

Second, what do you hope to experience with an escort?

I just ANSWERED that question....to FUCK!

 

...(not sexually; I'm looking more for what you hope to get from the experience.)?

Wait....you mean people hire escorts for reasons OTHER than to FUCK??!?!?

 

Crazy kids!

 

And, third, do you see this as a one-time thing?

As in...do I want to fuck him once...or multiple times?

 

Hell, I'll fuck him as many times as he lets me.....grin

 

....Or do you think that you might end up hiring escorts on a regular basis?

Oh...you meant how many DIFFERENT times to I want to hire him to FUCK?

 

Some boys hundreds of times...some boys...once was too many!

 

There are no wrong answers to these questions.

You SAY that....but I don't think you MEAN that!

 

Just kidding BG. Hope you don't mind my playing.

 

Somehow I don't think Whammers get invited to these "special" non-professional pool parties...grin

[Boston Guy]

No fair! You've been hanging around here too long!!

 

BG

[JT Brooklyn]

Chosen Field

 

I have been paid for driving someone to the airport, does that make me a professional driver? In college, as a hitchhiker I had a gentleman pay me to allow him to fellate me, I don't consider myself a professional blow job receiver, just a very interested amateur that is occasional lucky enough to get paid for it (well just that once actually). I do think that the gentlemen for whom firsttimer is looking are probably getting paid regularly to do something else and occasionally get paid to get laid.

 

"Chosen Field" Do I have to explain what this means?

[firsttimer]

NYCMan- thanks for the funny comments =)

 

It's sad that it seems like Chicago (although being the third biggest city in the US after NYC and LA) has very limited selection.

 

Here are my responses:

 

1) Why do I want to hire one?

- I am not out and do not want to let others know about my sexual fantasies with guys. I am straight to the world currently so I can't go out and just find a guy at a gay club or approach someone I find attractive. An escort who is discreet would not tell other people about me (supposedly).

- Because I am paying, I assume that there will be more limitations I can set on what I want or don't want to do. If it were a hookup off Craig's List, I can't say I don't want to do oral or anal for example if I'm not comfortable. (Although from my first experience I can definitely be pressured into doing things which I really don't want to do despite being with an escort which is one bad realization I had)

- I have never had any experience with a guy and would like to experiment some if I'm comfortable with the guy. (Although now I can't even say that since I had one experience which we all know about from the other thread)

 

2) What do I want to experience?

I don't know. I think more of what it would be like to be with a hot guy who is in my fantasies and seems unattainable but is right there next to me. To be able to touch that hot guy that I can't because in real life, I'm straight and wouldn't do such a thing. All I really want to do is play out my fantasy of undressing, touching/feeling, maybe a handjob if I'm more gutsy and comfortable with the guy. Paying 400+ dollars for this with a guy who isn't like his pictures is not the kind of experience I"m looking for. That was a waste of time and money.

 

3) One time thing or continuous?

I don't know either. I'm limited by money so one time thing if it's really expensive. But let's say I found someone off Craig's List or a "nonprofessional" escort and he was cheaper (ie <200), I could potentially think about meeting up with him on a 1+ monthly basis if I really like him and he proves what I'm looking for.

 

Does that shed more light into how to help me?

 

FT:

 

I want to reply to your question and I will do so. But, before I do, I'd like to ask a couple of questions of my own, if I may. Since I haven't been hanging around here much for quite some time, I'm out of touch with what's going on in the Message Center. Your responses will help me determine how to answer your question.

 

First, why do you want to hire an escort? Second, what do you hope to experience with an escort (not sexually; I'm looking more for what you hope to get from the experience.)? And, third, do you see this as a one-time thing? Or do you think that you might end up hiring escorts on a regular basis?

 

There are no wrong answers to these questions.

 

BG

[+ purplekow]

You do not and that is why the last sentence of my post says: i think by non-professional he is looking for someone that gets paid regular to do something else and occasionally get paid to get laid. You asked how once you get a paycheck in a "chosen field" how can you not be a professional, well my response is the guys he is looking for do not consider escorting their chosen field, as I didn't think cab driving etc were my chosen field. With that behind us. Good luck first timer in finding a hot guy out there, but until you are comfortable with this scene, would not start beating the bushes for a bargain. Pay your dues with the pros who can escort you more gently into the world of escorts.

[Guest zipperzone]

 

1) Why do I want to hire one?

- I am not out and do not want to let others know about my sexual fantasies with guys. I am straight to the world currently so I can't go out and just find a guy at a gay club or approach someone I find attractive. QUOTE]

 

Unless you live in a very small village (which would not likely have a gay bar anyway) I doubt if there is any danger in being recognised and therefor "outed" by going to a bar/club and hooking up with a guy where there is a mutual attraction. You're nervous - too nervous - relax and loosen up a bit. It's not as difficult as you are making it.

[BaronArtz]

That's exactly right. Relax. It is not as hard as you are making it. I agree 100% with the advice you have received. Some of my best experiences have been with the 'non professional' or better 'part time' escorts as well. You don't need to find them on Craigslist. Be creative. Think of a personal trainer at your gym, a sales person at Gucci, the college student who strips occasionally at a gay club. Next time you get a UPS delivery, open the door in your briefs and tell the guy you want to give him a tip.

 

But most importantly, don't make these guys feel like you are hiring them as escorts. Just say you can be 'generous'. That doesn't fall on deaf ears. And most importantly, don't be cheap and slip somebody a paltry $100 after hot sex.

 

Good luck!

[Boston Guy]

Does that shed more light into how to help me?

 

Yes. Thank you.

 

This Forum is the direct descendant of a Message Center that preceded it that was itself the descendant of another one. The ones that preceded Daddy's M4M Forum were started by a very gentle man who used the pseudonym Hooboy. He died a few years ago, quite unexpectedly, at a rather young age. HB had this vision in the mid late 1990s of a place where guys who hired escorts could come together and form a community and learn from each other. It was a fairly revolutionary idea. Atkol existed before HB started his forum but HB's was much more directly related to hiring escorts.

 

I started hanging around "here" when the very first incarnation of the Message Center was started. After a while, HB went to new software and close to a year's worth of posts were lost. I've always regretted the loss of that history but such is life. But one thing I've learned over the years is that while there are many different reasons why guys turn to escorts, there are some very common themes that turn up over and over again. We are all unique but not so different from each other in the end.

 

Some of us (like myself) have been out for just about forever while others are just coming out or aren't out at all. Some are married or in a relationship that is good otherwise but just isn't sexually satisfying any more. Some are in places where there isn't any gay community to speak of. Some are older but still want to have some kind of sex life. Some are rather well known who can't publicly be known to be gay. Some of us hire guys just for fun while others are looking for a real relationship and want their time with an escort to be much more like a romantic date than a romp in the hay.

 

Knowing where someone is coming from and what they are looking for is invaluable when offering any kind of advice. I appreciate your candor and understand that sometimes it can be difficult to put answers to these kinds of questions on paper. But the process of thinking through these things and writing down responses can help each of us even as we are helping others to know where we are coming from and what we're trying to do or solve.

 

I probably sound very nosy and you should feel (and I hope you do feel) comfortable saying "Well, BG, I'm not comfortable answering that question." But if you do feel comfortable telling us just a bit more about yourself then that might help the rest of us give you the best advice we can.

 

I find myself split when imagining you. In one moment, I imagine a fairly young guy. In the next, I think of an older man. But, in the end, I picture a young to middle-aged guy with a family, a guy who has had desires to be with other guys for a while and has never acted on that before. So that's the guy I'm going to be thinking of when I write my responses. If that's not who you are, then tell me whatever you're comfortable with and we'll all try again.

 

 

Here are my responses:

 

1) Why do I want to hire one?

- I am not out and do not want to let others know about my sexual fantasies with guys. I am straight to the world currently so I can't go out and just find a guy at a gay club or approach someone I find attractive. An escort who is discreet would not tell other people about me (supposedly).

- Because I am paying, I assume that there will be more limitations I can set on what I want or don't want to do. If it were a hookup off Craig's List, I can't say I don't want to do oral or anal for example if I'm not comfortable. (Although from my first experience I can definitely be pressured into doing things which I really don't want to do despite being with an escort which is one bad realization I had)

- I have never had any experience with a guy and would like to experiment some if I'm comfortable with the guy. (Although now I can't even say that since I had one experience which we all know about from the other thread)

 

In the end of this response, I'll make a suggestion or two about who you might consider hiring. But before I get there, I have some other suggestions and comments. This may be a site that focuses on escorts but that doesn't mean that we can't offer other advice.

 

If this were 1955, then I think your concerns about privacy might be more warranted. In all honesty, I think they're overblown a bit for 2009 but you're clearly new to all this, so that's pretty darned understandable. If you have a family, then it's even more understandable because they're more likely to be curious about where you were at 8:00 pm last night. If it's more of a "the people I work with can't know about me" situation then I think you might rethink that a bit.

 

You say that you are not out "currently". Does that mean that you are considering coming out at some point? Is that an option for you? I always encourage gay people to be open and honest about their sexuality, first and foremost with themselves (nothing good comes from lying to yourself) but also in their personal relationships. But there are no guarantees in this thing we call life. I've seen married guys come here, start hiring guys, decide they were gay, come out and be happy. And I can think of at least one instance where the same thing happened except the guy became miserable and blamed all of us for ruining his life.

 

If you are at a point where your life situation would permit you to come out should you decide that's what you want, then you have more options. If not -- if, for example, there's a wife and kids at home -- then you need to be considerably more discreet and careful in terms of the path you set for yourself.

 

But, having said all of that, I think that you could very well go to a gay bar and meet someone. Be aware that meeting someone in a gar bar is going to be far easier if you're younger and more attractive. If you're 65, overweight, bald and toothless then you'll have fewer options at a bar. But the bars are good places to meet gay people. I'm guessing that you don't have a lot of gay friends and I'm guessing that you could stand to have one or two. In fact, I'm thinking that a good gay friend might be more valuable to you right now than a good escort but perhaps I'm reading to much into what you wrote.

 

But please do be aware that, yes, you can absolutely go to a gay bar, have fun, meet people and not have people come back and spill the beans to whoever. There are tons of bars in Chicago, so you should consider that as one option for sure. Second, you can just meet people for fun. Or, better, if you meet some guys, you might tell them exactly what you're looking for -- that you're new to the scene, never had much experience, only want to try some simple things, etc. You might well find one or more guys who would be happy to get together with you on a regular basis for free. In the end, I think this would be a better and more satisfying solution for you than hiring escorts, based on what you wrote about where you are.

 

But no matter who you end up with and no matter if it's for free or for pay, please do understand one thing: you should be completely honest with whoever you are with about what you are comfortable with and what you are not comfortable with. Know your own limitations and respect them and let your partners know what your limitations are. No one should be forcing you to do things that you don't want to.

 

My guess is that your limitations will change, possibly quickly. But it is your right to go at your own pace. Do not let anyone force you into a situation where you are uncomfortable and don't be afraid to speak up and say "I need to slow down here." I think you'll be surprised how much other guys will respect this. And if this is the reason that you're not considering meeting regular guys (meaning non escorts) on Craigslist, then relax: it's totally ok to get in touch with someone and say "here's where I'm at, here's what I'm looking for, are you comfortable with that." This may expand your options considerably.

 

2) What do I want to experience?

I don't know. I think more of what it would be like to be with a hot guy who is in my fantasies and seems unattainable but is right there next to me. To be able to touch that hot guy that I can't because in real life, I'm straight and wouldn't do such a thing. All I really want to do is play out my fantasy of undressing, touching/feeling, maybe a handjob if I'm more gutsy and comfortable with the guy. Paying 400+ dollars for this with a guy who isn't like his pictures is not the kind of experience I"m looking for. That was a waste of time and money.

 

Yes, it was, and it's too bad that you had that experience. But experience is what comes from living life and you got some experience. Now you know a little bit more and that's not all bad.

 

The thing that I keep going back to is the "in real life, I'm straight" aspect. In real life -- truly, in real life -- do you see yourself as straight with an interest in being with a guy that you want to satisfy? Or do you think that you might be gay but you're not willing to tell anyone else that, at least for now? And, by the way, for whatever it's worth, my money is on the latter.

[Boston Guy]

3) One time thing or continuous?

I don't know either. I'm limited by money so one time thing if it's really expensive. But let's say I found someone off Craig's List or a "nonprofessional" escort and he was cheaper (ie <200), I could potentially think about meeting up with him on a 1+ monthly basis if I really like him and he proves what I'm looking for.

 

OK, so now we get to the meat and potatoes of this whole thing. What do you do and how do you scratch this itch? I suspect that I'm going to surprise you with my recommendations and I might be really off base because I don't know your and don't know much about you. Please forgive me if it seems like I'm steering you in the wrong direction and please let me know so we can try to find a good course to set.

 

But my first recommendation is to think about the whole gay angle. If you're in a marriage and you have young kids and are happy in that marriage except for this desire to be with guys (no small thing, that), then the price attached to coming out and living a gay life is very, very high. Many guys who hire escorts decide that they simply don't want to pay that price and I will not judge them for making that decision for I am not walking in their shoes. Taking that road means being dishonest to their wives for a long time, probably for years, but it may be the result that brings the most happiness to the family that depends on them. Some guys have done this and then come out after the kids were grown. Others have started down that road and then decided along the way that they needed to come out.

 

But if you're not in a relationship that restricts your options but are instead worried about appearing gay to friends or colleagues, then I'd suggest more strongly going to places where you can meet gay people and make some gay friends. People come out far younger now than before but any person over 30 who is out has pretty much had to go through a coming out process. Very, very few gay people will not respect that process in someone else and most will be very supportive if you tell them where you are. A few gay friends would likely be a good thing for you.

 

Next, I think I'd forget escorts for the moment. What you're looking for is some very simple man-to-man contact. You're not interested in much in the way of sex right now and you'd rather not spend an arm and a leg at the moment. That suggests to me that escorts are not your best option at the present moment. That might change in a little while but for now I've got a couple of other suggestions.

 

First, I think you should go back to Craigslist and look at the Men Seeking Men and the Casual Encounters sections and see if there is an ad or two or three that appeal to you. If you find some, respond honestly with what you look like and what you are looking for. Explain as simply and clearly as possible what you hope to do and you may find one or more guys who are in the same place. Or -- and I like this option better -- place an ad yourself in the Men Seeking Men section. If you describe what you're looking for, you may find that you get some responses from people who are in the same place.

 

Second, I think you should consider a masseur instead of an escort. Getting a nice massage from a hot guy can be incredibly relaxing and satisfying and many masseurs offer a "happy ending" or "release" at the end, which means of course a hand job. Some masseurs will allow mutual touching while others will not. D not try to push guys beyond their own limits. But I think that if you contact a few masseurs and tell them where you're coming from and that you are not interested in oral or anal sex right now you may find one or more guys interested in seeing you. If so, they'll likely charge you somewhat less than an escort would. If this works out for you, it may be enough for now. If not, you can try another escort (with our help. ). Or you may find that once you have a couple of positive experiences with a masseur that you're ready for more. But small steps at first.

 

Finally, I'd like you to read this old thread. It was started by a guy who was hiring escorts a lot and spending too much money. He felt addicted and needed to end the addiction. He was in a very different place than you and many guys who hire never get to the point where he was. But he was looking for options beyond escorts and I think you maybe should be thinking at least a little in those terms, too.

 

http://www.companyofmen.org/showthread.php?t=37840

 

Good luck to you. Sorry this is so long but I found that there was a lot that I wanted to say to you.

[MiamiLooker]

Is there some other site or method that I'm not utilising? Can anyone shed some more light on this? Thanks!

 

What method are you using?

 

For Craigslist, try posting in personals under "men seeking men" or "casual encounters" m4m with a title such as: "looking for broke college kid" or "need help with rent?". You'll want to include some detail about what you're looking for in the post, but not so much that it will be flagged. You're gonna get responses from scammers (gmail accounts seem to be popular for scammers), so you'll need to weed through them. You can check out their email address (and the username part of their email address and phone number if they provide one) by a Google search or two other good search sites are pipl.com and peekyou.com. I've found that a lot of guys with yahoo email accts have their real name on their emails.

 

You should set up a separate email account for your communication. You can also get a pay as you go phone (GoPhone, Tracphone) if you're gonna be giving out a phone number. Another way to use Craigslist is if you see a post you like in "personals", just send an email like: "Nice pic. Have you ever thought of escorting?"

 

You can also try sites such as gay.com and Adam4Adam.com. Create a username and profile that's going to generate responses, but just vague enough to not be deleted. As on CL if you see a hot profile, it doesn't hurt to ask. Checkout gay.com's chatrooms.

[firsttimer]

Again, thanks for the awesome advice. It's been great reading this forum for beginners advice and I'm sure I've been steered clear from many potential bad encounters with your guys help.

 

So you've got a vague idea of who I am and you're mostly right. I'm an upper twentysomething thin average looking guy who's never been with a guy before or experienced it. Even in college when many people tend to experiment. I never had the guts to do so because of fear of people finding out. I'm not married but that is what I see in the future because I don't want to come out. My work and friends and everything in my life would completely change and I don't want to be viewed differently for my interest in guys. I know, your advice is probably is come out and really embrace myself, but guess it comes down to, I'm not ready and don't think I will be ever (we'll see if that changes in the future but not anytime soon). So that's why I am sort of like the married guy with a family in that I want to keep this all on the downlow. Thus, making my interesting in experimenting with a guy much harder because I want to be discreet. This nixes going to a gay bar and finding someone as then if I see someone I know (the gay community I'm sure is smaller) or if that person meets someone I know, then I'm outed (plus I'm not attractive enough to find the kind of guy I want to try doing things with so that's why I thought of escorting).

 

I read through the long thread that your recommended about the escort addiction and I think you're right that I'm feeling some of those same feelings. I'm addicted to trying to find that one first encounter with a guy that I want to be memorable and feel good about. I've been thinking about this for years, actually tried a few weeks ago unsuccessfully, and now am trying to find what I'm looking for with this first bad experience under my belt. It's driving me crazy thinking about where to find this guy when I don't really have the money to be spending on such a "hobby" or the experience how to find him despite seeing many happy clients on this site.

 

First, I think you should go back to Craigslist and look at the Men Seeking Men and the Casual Encounters sections and see if there is an ad or two or three that appeal to you. If you find some, respond honestly with what you look like and what you are looking for. Explain as simply and clearly as possible what you hope to do and you may find one or more guys who are in the same place. Or -- and I like this option better -- place an ad yourself in the Men Seeking Men section. If you describe what you're looking for, you may find that you get some responses from people who are in the same place.

 

I have tried both. I posted as well as responded to guys on Craig's List as an experiment suggested by another board member jackcali. No success with either. The guys I responded to are all "way out of my league" and don't reply or reject me and my real pictures (which is hella scary to send to a stranger because of my paranoia that someone will distribute them or it'll be someone I know). No success with posting either because I end up with picture collectors or scammers (see my thread on Scott and how I ruined a credit card already with a scamming site).

 

So my question is, how do you find these encounters through Craig's List. Am I doing something wrong still?

[firsttimer]

Second, I think you should consider a masseur instead of an escort. Getting a nice massage from a hot guy can be incredibly relaxing and satisfying and many masseurs offer a "happy ending" or "release" at the end, which means of course a hand job. Some masseurs will allow mutual touching while others will not. D not try to push guys beyond their own limits. But I think that if you contact a few masseurs and tell them where you're coming from and that you are not interested in oral or anal sex right now you may find one or more guys interested in seeing you. If so, they'll likely charge you somewhat less than an escort would. If this works out for you, it may be enough for now. If not, you can try another escort (with our help. ). Or you may find that once you have a couple of positive experiences with a masseur that you're ready for more. But small steps at first.

 

I have thought of that idea also but haven't found a massage therapist who really picks my interest. I went the m4mmassage site to look in Chicago. I even emailed one who responded that he is a massage therapist and that's it.

 

You also mentioned looking around to see if the bellhop, grocery store bagger, cleaner, painter man might want to make some extra money, but I guess I don't know what to say without feeling embarassed and potentially that person would know I'm interested in men.

 

 

For Craigslist, try posting in personals under "men seeking men" or "casual encounters" m4m with a title such as: "looking for broke college kid" or "need help with rent?". You'll want to include some detail about what you're looking for in the post, but not so much that it will be flagged. You're gonna get responses from scammers (gmail accounts seem to be popular for scammers), so you'll need to weed through them. You can check out their email address (and the username part of their email address and phone number if they provide one) by a Google search or two other good search sites are pipl.com and peekyou.com. I've found that a lot of guys with yahoo email accts have their real name on their emails.

 

You should set up a separate email account for your communication. You can also get a pay as you go phone (GoPhone, Tracphone) if you're gonna be giving out a phone number. Another way to use Craigslist is if you see a post you like in "personals", just send an email like: "Nice pic. Have you ever thought of escorting?"

 

You can also try sites such as gay.com and Adam4Adam.com. Create a username and profile that's going to generate responses, but just vague enough to not be deleted. As on CL if you see a hot profile, it doesn't hurt to ask. Checkout gay.com's chatrooms.

 

 

Thanks miami for your suggestions also.

 

I have posted on Craig's List once already last week without success. Everyone was a scammer. I almost gave out my credit card information to a faker after my main credit card already was canceled because I was scammer by another site. I wasn't careful and got one of those emails which with a picture and a link saying to signup for this dating website first to see more information on the person. So I did and my credit card fraud company canceled my credit card. The site didn't even have the person when I searched. I then received multiple other emails of a similar nature and realized that someone out there is trying to make money off these website subscriptions by preying on people like me trying to meet people through Craig's List and trusting that these people really do have a profile on these dating websites.

 

I have tried those gay online dating sites (I even paid for a month subscription a few months ago) but nothing panned out. Everyone I contacted wasn't real or wasn't interested.

[MiamiLooker]

I have posted on Craig's List once already last week without success. Everyone was a scammer. I almost gave out my credit card information to a faker after my main credit card already was canceled because I was scammer by another site. I wasn't careful and got one of those emails which with a picture and a link saying to signup for this dating website first to see more information on the person. So I did and my credit card fraud company canceled my credit card. The site didn't even have the person when I searched. I then received multiple other emails of a similar nature and realized that someone out there is trying to make money off these website subscriptions by preying on people like me trying to meet people through Craig's List and trusting that these people really do have a profile on these dating websites.

 

I have tried those gay online dating sites (I even paid for a month subscription a few months ago) but nothing panned out. Everyone I contacted wasn't real or wasn't interested.

 

No offense, but if you were so easily duped into giving out your credit card info (sounds like it almost happened a second time?) when there are so many warnings not to do so, there's no amount of advice anyone is going to be able to offer you to keep you from being scammed. I'd suggest just going with a "tried and true" pro.

[seaboy4hire]

No offense, but if you were so easily duped into giving out your credit card info (sounds like it almost happened a second time?) when there are so many warnings not to do so, there's no amount of advice anyone is going to be able to offer you to keep you from being scammed. I'd suggest just going with a "tried and true" pro.

 

Ok I will admit I just started following this post and know a wee about the credit card thing but it sounds like Firsttimer is very new to this and as with some people sometimes they have to make the same mistake a couple or few times before they get their footing. Firsttimer one thing that is told to both escort and client is to listen to your gut and think with your head. If it sounds too good to be true well guess what....it is! I think that BG has offered some great A+ advice for you and can't think of anything to ad other then just relax, take it slow and enjoy the journey.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[firsttimer]

No offense, but if you were so easily duped into giving out your credit card info (sounds like it almost happened a second time?) when there are so many warnings not to do so, there's no amount of advice anyone is going to be able to offer you to keep you from being scammed. I'd suggest just going with a "tried and true" pro.

 

No offense taken. I know, I'm so stupid. I bet I just sound naive and desparate. Who gives out their credit card information? x.x I should have listened to my head but I didn't. I'm still hating myself for being such an idiot.

 

That's why my first time I picked someone who I thought was a "tried and true" pro with all positive reviews and been in the business for years who ended up not being what I had wanted.

[Boston Guy]

FT:

 

Thanks for helping us understand more about your situation. It helps a lot.

 

Now I'll reinforce my suggestion to go the bars and look for gay friends. Honestly, it sounds like you may well be gay. If you are and if you spend a lifetime trying to avoid that or live life in the shadows, you will live a miserable life. You have only one life to live, as the saying goes, so why not live it happily?

 

It sounds a lot like you are letting society's preconceived notions of what your life should be cause you to live a life that's not happy. Who cares what other people think? You really have one choice: do you want to be happy or not? If yes, then you need to live life -- really live life -- on your own terms, whatever those are.

 

Maybe you're gay. If so, then live life as a happy gay man. It might not be the life you imagined for yourself when you were 13 or 21 but who cares? Everybody's life takes twists and turns and they seldom turn out as expected.

 

Perhaps you'll start having some good gay sex and decide that it's fun but, in the end, it's just not who you are. That's cool: you tried it, got the monkey off your back and can now go back to dating women. It happens. But, honestly, it's not what I expect. If you've spent all of this time and effort trying to have sex with guys, this is more than a casual itch you're trying to scratch.

 

The biggest problem that I see that you are dealing with is fear. You are forcing yourself to live in shadows and go through tremendous machinations just to find a guy to have sex with. In 1950, that would have been totally, totally understandable but it's not needed in 2009. You are driving yourself nuts unnecessarily.

 

Please do yourself a huge favor and do two things:

 

1. Relax. You don't need to decide your entire future right now. All you're trying to do is have some fun. You will always have the ability to choose to do this or that in the future. So don't make this bigger than it is.

 

2. Drop the paranoia. It is really, really doing you a disservice. Go to a damned bar. The gay community is smaller than the entire population but the gay community in Chicago certainly has a couple hundred thousand people in it. If you go to a bar and see someone you know (not likely, in my estimation), so what? Do you think every gay man is just waiting to run home and tell everyone else they know who they happened to see in a gay bar? As I mentioned before, everyone who is out has had to come out and go through their own process of worry and denial and fear. If you meet someone and tell them "I'm not sure I'm gay, this is my first time in a gay bar and I'm trying to figure out what I should do", you'll likely be treated with kindness.

 

I hope others here will chime in on this thread. It sounds like this is driving you crazy right now and you must be very unhappy about it. It doesn't need to be that way.

 

If you go to a bar, you may very well not meet anyone who wants to go home with you. That happens to most people far, far more often than going to the bars and meeting someone to take home. If you don't meet someone to go home with, no big deal. Hopefully, you'll have had a good time and learned a little. But the one thing you cannot allow yourself to do is go to a bar and stand by the wall and not talk to anyone for that is the best way to guarantee that you'll have a terrible time and not meet anyone. You have to talk to people, even people you aren't attracted to. Maybe especially people you aren't attracted to. Talk to people, make some acquaintances, be nice, have fun and see what happens.

 

Then come back and let us know. In fact, if you're free, go to Sidetrack tonight. Go around 7:00 pm. If it's still the same, they used to do show tunes and the place was a hoot. I haven't been there in a long time so perhaps someone else can chime in with a better suggestion. But do yourself one of the biggest favors you've ever done and drop the paranoia, come out of the shadows and go meet a few nice gay people. It'll likely change your life, open your eyes and help you be a happier you.

 

http://sidetrackchicago.com/index.html

 

BG

[+ glutes]

word of mouth / private stock

 

So Boston Guy posted a very well written reply with some advice and I wanted to start a new thread on this top specifically. I have heard from other board members besides Boston Guy that people have had better experiences with the "nonprofessional escort". My question is how to find these "nonprofessional escorts".

 

Usually I would guess Craig's List. While that might be possible in NYC. Here in Chicago, all I"ve found are scammers, conartists, and picture collectors. Is there some other site or method that I'm not utilising? Can anyone shed some more light on this? Thanks!

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boston Guy

Over the years, finding the non-professional escort has generally produced a better experience for me (often far better) than hiring known escorts. I've hired some guys over a period of several years and I still occasionally get together with a guy in LA who I first hired in 1999. He doesn't escort any more, except when I call him. When we get together, it's like two old friends getting together because we have a long and varied shared history. That's nice.

 

I have found a 'non-professional' that is much better than any advertised / hyped / blogging / plagiarizing / reviewed escort known! And it was all through word of mouth.

Personally, I am keeping him as 'private stock'...

[seaboy4hire]

I've found Berlin first Sunday of the month to be a hoot! This is about the only fun I have in a gay bar. Everyone is so relaxed, just about no cattiness going on, everyone is there for a good time and dance the night away. Course it helps that we are a bunch of Madonna fans but hey even if you only think she is so so the crowd is friendly. Word to the wise though watch your wallet if you go. And I might just see you there next month It's not a bar but check out Intelligentsia on Broadway. I am sure you've heard of it being it is the best coffee in Chicago.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[MiamiLooker]

No offense taken. I know, I'm so stupid. I bet I just sound naive and desparate. Who gives out their credit card information? x.x I should have listened to my head but I didn't. I'm still hating myself for being such an idiot.

 

That's why my first time I picked someone who I thought was a "tried and true" pro with all positive reviews and been in the business for years who ended up not being what I had wanted.

 

I guess you've learned the hard way that gay internet sites are not immune to internet fraud.

 

OK, your first escort experience wasn't a good one. When you communicated with the escort were you using your big head or the little one? Were you clear about what you wanted (to the point of possibly turning away the escort if he shows up and it's clear he stretched the truth)?

[+ blondeq]

Firsttimer, I can absolutely appreciate your perspective. My impression is that you are trying too hard and making this too complicated. Putting aside the issue of how you want to live your life, I think that addressing the issue of horiness is much easier. The escort/masseur option is probably best. You can live out fantacies, intimacy, ect all for the right price. I understand your initial experience with an escort; I have had the same issue: hiring a well reviewed escort that turned out to be a blah experrience. I learned that the reason the experience was blah was because I didn't articulate well, to the escort, what I wanted. Communication is the key to a good experience. Make sure that the communication flows freely and feels comfortable between you and the escort; don't try to set up an appt in one email or phone call; if the escort doesn't want to accommodate this, move on. In terms of articulating what you want, I would suggest giving the escort an example of what interests you, such as a porn clip that you'd like to be the star of (I send links to porn clips from dudevu and tell the escort that this is the encounter I want). Don't be shy about expressing what you want because there is probably nothing you can suggest that the escort hasn't already heard and is probably mild by their experience. Finally, remember the rule of 3's for any internet hook-up, professional or otherwise: Add at least 3 years to the stated age, Add some multiple of 3 to their stated weight and subtract 3 inches from their stated dick size (amazing that in the 'information age' men still don't know how to accurately measure their cocks). Good luck.

 

PS: when you are on-line looking, jerk off first, you'll find that you think more clearly and make better decisions.