Is it wrong for me to want to see someone while doing this?

[Guest RianB]

Lately I just been feeling like I want to get with somebody outside of this whole escorting deal. I've seen a couple guys recently; but nothing thats gotten serious. I havent been with anybody like that in over a year now. I also havent seen anyone long-term since I started working over a year ago.

 

But now, even though I dont tell them right away, I know eventually I would have to. Then I'm worried if I do tell them; they probably wont take me seriously enough to want to be with me. Or maybe they'll just feel insecure about it.

 

For one, I'm definently not considering giving up working as I am still 'new'. And also Im not sure if Im going to be living in this area much longer either, so there's so much in the air. Whats a good way to go about it? Do any of you here have a boyfriend that knows or doesnt know?

[jackcali]

RianB, I've got no idea what special problems arise from being an escort in a serious relationship, but my guess is there are none. The problems are all the same problems that arise in any serious relationship.

 

I think you sound a little insecure or embarrassed about what you do for a living. Don't be. After all, you've decided to keep doing it, so you must get pleasure and professional satisfaction out of it. That's a lot more than many of us can say about what we do for a living. Showing embarrassment about what you do (whatever that might be) can be a real turn-off to a potential boyfriend or girlfriend, and believe me that trying to hide it or lie about it certainly is NOT the way to build a serious relationship. Just be open and honest with the person as you start to get close and you feel you can share the truth with them.

 

What we do and who we are are two different things, and if what we do ends a relationship, then the other person isn't focusing on who we are. That's a relationship that isn't going anywhere and that person wasn't the right one for you anyway.

 

So go out there and date. And be honest. You'll find someone. Good luck.

[josephga]

I think you should be honest and upfront. If you meet someone go on adate if you really like them enough too see them again then I think they have the right to know. most people would feel betrayed if they dated someone for awhile then found out.

[dcguy20]

JackCali said it perfectly. I was going to say, it's all about the quality and kindness of the person per se, not what they necessarily do for a living.

[Guest greatness]

Well

 

"Stupid is as stupid does" basically means that true stupidity

has to do with a person's behavior. Your comment about "what we do and who we are two different things", in my opinion I can't agree with that. Because what we do make up who we are. Now I am not saying being an escort is a bad thing.

 

You can give a kid a tool such as a knife. He can cut something beautiful with it and give to his mom on mother's day or instead he can hurt himself and others.

Every profession in our society can do both good things and bad things for our society. Like greedy bankers and CEOs who have caused this current economic problems, nurses who abuse their disabled patients, politicians who take bribes for an exchange for a favor, medical doctors and researchers who commit a forgery to get a drug approved, racist police officers who abuse their power against african amerians and etc...

 

My point is that being an escort is a profession that can positively and negatively affect us also. What you do in that profession and how you conduct your business is very important! I think escorts contribute positively to our society to help those who are isolated, lonely, not out and physically challenged to have an outlet for a very basic human need. They provide companionships to those who can't get it otherwise with hot guys.

However, bad practices will end up hurting other people. Mainly both escorts and clients have a lot of sex partners. There is a possibility that we are prone to get STDs. So responsible escorts will take good care of themselves, get tested and treated for STI, and always use condoms. Responsible clients will do the same. This will be an ideal business relationship. However, unfortunately, like other professions this ideal practice often is not met. Other professions thus have regulations and laws to prevent the unfortunate negative effects. As you can see, the deregulation of our banking system resulted in our current economic status. Greed and corruption caused a huge mess.

 

Escort businesses don't have an overseer or regulations at this point because some group of people think escort businesses should not exist. This simple accusation that escorting is bad and something a proper lady should not talk about is not helping both escorts and their clients. Thus, escorts have to set up their own rules and also clients should do the same. Site like daddy helps in filtering bad escorts and those who falsely advertise.

 

To make a long story short is that being an escort is no different than other professionals. However you have to act responsibly and need to have sound business ethics to last long. Clients should also treat escorts as professionals not as a piece of meat. For those escorts who seek a long term relationship I don't think there is a problem with it. You are a precious human being and just happened to be an escort professional. As long as you act responsibly and properly I don't think you are no different from bankers, lawyers, doctors and etc. So don't be embarrassed about it. I have one friend/escort who announces himself as a masturbatory aid technician. By looking at that statement I just hired him and he has delivered a great experience. I saw some form of professionalism in that playful statement.

 

Money is a powerful thing but it is not everything that I have realized so do not destroy your life or your relationship over something that is not worthwhile. A lot of CEOs and bankers did that and almost brought this country down. If your partner wants to be exclusive with you then how about respecting that wish also?

 

 

Quote:

What we do and who we are are two different things, and if what we do ends a relationship, then the other person isn't focusing on who we are. That's a relationship that isn't going anywhere and that person wasn't the right one for you anyway.

 

So go out there and date. And be honest. You'll find someone. Good luck.

[MiamiLooker]

Though not an escort, my 2 cents: Escorting isn't quite the norm among occupations. I would think there are a lot of unique issues in the relationship you want. What one does for a living is a fairly common topic in casual conversation among friends and acquaintances. Are you truthful when someone asks or do you lie or hedge the question? Are you going to expect your partner to lie for you (to friends, family, acquaintances)? Also, he's going to have to be comfortable and accepting not only with what you do but with why you do it (what's your motivation to be an escort rather than an accountant, bus driver or brain surgeon?). Even if he says he's ok with it, are you going to believe him? Check out your current friends, ones that know you and know what you do. Maybe there's potential to take the friendship to a higher level.

[seaboy4hire]

The bf and I have been together now for a little over 11 years. I was not escorting when we started dating. I was a coffee pusher and doing this never crossed my mind at the time. When I decided to do this we talked about it (already being in an open relationship did help) and he had a clue what it all entailed and he was ok with it. Each relationship is different, each person has their own set of boundaries and those need to be respected. First and foremost be honest with anyone you date. If anything they will respect you more for that then lieing to them. If they are ok with what you do and want to continue to see you set up rules like no hosting or only a couple over nights a month. You will need to compromise and you'll need to be ok with that and same goes for the other guy. For my own situation I don't host. I did a few times and it felt odd and I didn't like it. For me my home is my sanctuary and our little getaway. Having a stranger in our home makes me uncomfortable. This has costed me quite a bit of work but I don't care a line has to be drawn. Hope this helps. Expect David in SF to chime in after his ride. He'll have a lot more helpful info as well.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[Gar1eth]

RianB, I've got no idea what special problems arise from being an escort in a serious relationship, but my guess is there are none. The problems are all the same problems that arise in any serious relationship.

 

I think you sound a little insecure or embarrassed about what you do for a living. Don't be. After all, you've decided to keep doing it, so you must get pleasure and professional satisfaction out of it. That's a lot more than many of us can say about what we do for a living. Showing embarrassment about what you do (whatever that might be) can be a real turn-off to a potential boyfriend or girlfriend, and believe me that trying to hide it or lie about it certainly is NOT the way to build a serious relationship. Just be open and honest with the person as you start to get close and you feel you can share the truth with them.

 

What we do and who we are are two different things, and if what we do ends a relationship, then the other person isn't focusing on who we are. That's a relationship that isn't going anywhere and that person wasn't the right one for you anyway.

 

So go out there and date. And be honest. You'll find someone. Good luck.

 

Jack--while I will defend your right to say it--I am going to have to at least partially disagree--at least with the implications of your post. You say that there should be no "special problems" in an escort having a committed relationship. Well sure, I agree with that if you reduce everything down to it's most basic components. But if you consider the issues of trust, boundaries, feelings of possessiveness, insecurity--that all go together in the complex stew of a relationship--and the feelings of exclusivity in a relationship that the partner of an escort is going to have to move beyond if his boyfriend is going to continually have what are in the non-escort client relationship some of the most intense, emotionally bonding experiences we have. Well the basic issues themselves may be the same as in other relationships--but I would propose that in this case the strains caused by one partner having routine intercourse outside the bonds of the relationship would most likely increase the problems inherent in any relationship-to the point that intensity of the "basic issues" would increase to a magnitude where they would in effect seem like a totally "unique" set of issues.

 

Gman

[+ glutes]

The bf and I have been together now for a little over 11 years. I was not escorting when we started dating. I was a coffee pusher and doing this never crossed my mind at the time. When I decided to do this we talked about it (already being in an open relationship did help) and he had a clue what it all entailed and he was ok with it. Each relationship is different, each person has their own set of boundaries and those need to be respected. First and foremost be honest with anyone you date. If anything they will respect you more for that then lieing to them. If they are ok with what you do and want to continue to see you set up rules like no hosting or only a couple over nights a month. You will need to compromise and you'll need to be ok with that and same goes for the other guy. For my own situation I don't host. I did a few times and it felt odd and I didn't like it. For me my home is my sanctuary and our little getaway. Having a stranger in our home makes me uncomfortable. This has costed me quite a bit of work but I don't care a line has to be drawn. Hope this helps. Expect David in SF to chime in after his ride. He'll have a lot more helpful info as well.

 

Hugs,

Greg

 

SB4H, although I don't always agree with you - you are one of the clearest folks on the MC. Honesty/sanctuary/compromise/costed(?), you tell it for real.

[seaboy4hire]

I should have also added that be sure to have you and hubby time together. Have a day or whatever where you turn off the phone nor check your working email and just spend some time together relaxing and showing that you care about each other when it comes down to the basics. I wonder where Rick is? He and Derick have been together since the beginning of time. RICK!!!!

 

Hugs,

Greg

[jackcali]

Thanks for the opportunity to clarify my statement. I didn't mean to suggest that someone's behavior is totally irrelevant to their character. I don't think you can be both a serial ax murderer and a good person. What I meant is that what one does for a living and whether a person is a worthwhile human being are two different things. As you point out, people can conduct themselves in their jobs/careers in an honest and diligent way or in a dishonest and immoral way. (Medical research, a "moral" job that can either be performed honestly or through fakery is a fine example), and I only wanted to say that a person can be both an honest person and an escort. What matters in the relationship is the person's character, not his job.

 

Will some potential mates be turned off by RianB's escorting because it's "immoral"? Sure, but I think lots of people will be okay with it, too. If RianB is an honest, kind, thoughtful and sincere person, then what he does for a living shouldn't prevent him from finding someone he can have a great relationship with. If he's an asshole (sorry, RianB, no reason to think you are, just a hypothetical), then that's a bigger impediment to a relationship than his being an escort.

[jackcali]

You're right, Gman. There certainly are issues that are unusual ones in these sorts of relationships, and you mentioned many of them. Whether they're unique or just so significant that they seem unique is a semantic one, and not worth debating. All I wanted to tell RianB is what my grandmother used to say, which was that "love will find a way." RianB should get out there and give it a try.

[devonhunter]

i actually use my career in adult entertainment the same way i used my coming out of the closet: it helps me vet out the people who aren't truly invested in me. when i came out i learned who my friends were. when i'm interested in someone enough to care whether or not they'd "approve," i tell them and if they are negative about it, then it's best to know that up front. having said that: 3 out 4 of the guys i've talked to about it are surprisingly supportive. it does you no good to not be upfront about your work.

[Guest RianB]

Thanks you all for giving your tuppence worth on this...

 

Me personally I like the idea of being honest and upfront about things, but only to an extent. Someone mentioned my being embarrassed about what I do; but I wouldnt say that. Im actually 100% accepting about what I do, and at one point I did tell friends and others about what I do when I first started out. But after awhile I realised that you almost have to pick and choose who you tell as not everyone is all that supportive of it. And the ones who seem supportive of it may just stick around with ulterior motives...but thats another topic.

 

There's a person I was in a relationship with and known for 3 years who worked on the side; but although he never came out and told me I had to hear it from a mutual friend. I sort of knew, but back then I just didnt understand the whole thing. Well funny; 3 years later...I had a little 'reunion' with friends back home couple months ago and accidentally left my laptop on while I ran to the store. My x had came in and seen my page tuned into my ad I was working on. Of course, as platonic as the relationship had become over the years, all he could be was shocked.

 

I've also told a couple of people who were interested in me and they seemed ok with it. I just think that a date should know only if we get to a certain point; like...after a 3rd date atleast LOL. Or before we have sex. I just dont see a reason to tell someone on the 1st or 2nd meetup. That way if it doesnt go anywhere for any other reason; atleast I didnt tell all.

[Romann]

That's a hard one... I guess it would depend on the other person but also how you communicate and deliver the information.

 

Lately I just been feeling like I want to get with somebody outside of this whole escorting deal. I've seen a couple guys recently; but nothing thats gotten serious. I havent been with anybody like that in over a year now. I also havent seen anyone long-term since I started working over a year ago.

 

But now, even though I dont tell them right away, I know eventually I would have to. Then I'm worried if I do tell them; they probably wont take me seriously enough to want to be with me. Or maybe they'll just feel insecure about it.

 

For one, I'm definently not considering giving up working as I am still 'new'. And also Im not sure if Im going to be living in this area much longer either, so there's so much in the air. Whats a good way to go about it? Do any of you here have a boyfriend that knows or doesnt know?

[+ g56whiz]

Great post Greg with lots of points for Rian to ponder. Your situation is not exactly equivalent though. You were changing careers within a stable relationship while he was thinking about whether as an escort he can enter one. The first and most important question he has to address is why he feels he needs to be in such a relationship because it calls into question whether or not his personality may preclude being a long term success in escorting. If he craves the emotional support a relationship provides, he may be in the wrong business. Even if he's OK there, there are lots of hazardous shoals in pursuing a relationship but Greg's point about honesty and candor are key.

[Guest OCBeachbody]

I went to your website. You explained very well the type of escorting that you do. That it is about spending time with a person. Most escorts I have known it is mostly about just "spending time"... like be withing a good looking therapist to listen or just be there for them... a NSA friend or ear.

 

As everyone said be open and honest. You seem like a guy with a great heart, and the guy that would catch your eye would be lucky. However, if you want to continue escorting... because it is reasonable way a living that does bring in the money.... go for it. Just be sure your partner understands that its is your current job right now. Don't be afraid, as long as your open and upfront it will lay the ground work for trust. There are people out there who can handle open relationships, and I know even escorts need their own person too.

 

Post an ad out there, and see who bites. Let them know what you do... people are too judgmental now days. I wish you the best of luck and hope you find someone you can connect with!

[Guest RianB]

I went to your website. You explained very well the type of escorting that you do.

 

Post an ad out there, and see who bites. Let them know what you do... people are too judgmental now days. I wish you the best of luck and hope you find someone you can connect with!

 

Thanks...I just recently decided to offer what I do and since it seems to suit me and the people I meet just fine.

 

But as I said earlier; and after thinking about it I'll have to hold off on on any dating for right now as I am interested in going to another city. The guys here in Big D are totally different from the guys on the east coast, and vice versa. I think I'll stick with the east coast boys!