I think I have a massage addiction problem

[sizzlingrice]

I love massages. Not only it does a body good, it also, for the most part, end up in hot sex.

 

Herein lies my problem. Since the beginning of the year, I realized I have been replaced dating with massages. I know the masseurs will be goodlooking (except for one fake photo postings) and at the very the least, a hand release with mutual touching. I realized today I average about 5 massages a month when I am not doing anything with friends. There are a few people I've met (not masseurs) who have shown interest in dating but I just don't feel like dating. And I fill that non dating void with massages.

 

I know I need to stop and think about what's going on with my life. I know it has something to do with breaking up and loosing interest in dating.

 

My previous relationship, everything is going well except for the sex part, not as active as before, but still it's there. But the rest of the relationship is great - laugh a lot, cuddle a lot, do things together and love hanging out together. Then the bombshell - breaking up with you coz the relationship has become like brothers. WTF? It was a total shock. Then there are relationship wherein one admitted he is not unhappy, nor happy, open relationship, not much support from the partner and practically lead separate lives, but still together.

 

Two different relationships. Mine seemed to be 95% perfect and 5 percent flawed - broke up because of the 5% flaw. The other, 90% flawed, 10% perfect, but still together.

 

I guess this is where my confusion and disappointment comes in and just lost interest in dating.

 

But now, I know hiring masseurs does not fix the problem.

 

Geez, I think I need to see a shrink. Anyone has any self help book to recommend before I go see a shrink?

 

After writing this, I felt a little better now knowing I have to do something about this "addiction".

 

Thanks for letting me vent. Any input advice is appreciated.

[josephga]

it can be an addiction. I have this one client that comes here twice a week, on top of that he hires another guy twice a month for escort services.

[Guest OCBeachbody]

Well relationships are not always going to be 100% sexual. Look at the overall goal and what do you want to achieve? Do you want to find a person that is compatible with you, whom your great partners with? Is it just about sex?

 

There are really no good clear answers, but plenty of advice out there. If you want consoling then there might be local support groups near your area. Or perhaps another support forum might help? (Try gay.com in the chat rooms).

 

As far as being addicted to masseurs.... yeah I am in the same boat in a way.

Since I broker up a while back, I missed the closeness of someone and although 95% of my experience with masseurs is therapeutic...I see it as therapy that makes "me" happy. I would spend this money on a shrink or something else anyway... and I see my sessions as a good investment. An addiction only becomes a problem when it is done with frequency and you pass up time with other priorities.

[+ glutes]

Addiction?

 

From wikipedia:

"The term addiction is also sometimes applied to compulsions that are not substance-related, such as problem gambling and computer addiction. In these kinds of common usages, the term addiction is used to describe a recurring compulsion by an individual to engage in some specific activity, despite harmful consequences, as deemed by the user him self to his or hers individual's health, mental state or social life."

 

Now tell me how seeking massages, even twice a week, has harmful consequences...

[Guest zipperzone]

From wikipedia:

"The term addiction is also sometimes applied to compulsions that are not substance-related, such as problem gambling and computer addiction. In these kinds of common usages, the term addiction is used to describe a recurring compulsion by an individual to engage in some specific activity, despite harmful consequences, as deemed by the user him self to his or hers individual's health, mental state or social life."

 

Now tell me how seeking massages, even twice a week, has harmful consequences...

 

When the mortgage payment comes due and the money for that has gone to some hottie who pummels your body in the nude......... it has harmful consequences.

[+ glutes]

Then that is a money problem!

Tag Asian never said money was an issue...

[Guest OCBeachbody]

Yeah I think the only thing he is concerned is that relationship wise, instead of finding another guy to be with he is select a masseur who will make him happy.

I kinda see the point here, if I could pick a significant other who would be my fantasy.... I would pay. Yet that would be expensive in the end and would worry about them really caring for me or the money....

[sizzlingrice]

From wikipedia:

"The term addiction is also sometimes applied to compulsions that are not substance-related, such as problem gambling and computer addiction. In these kinds of common usages, the term addiction is used to describe a recurring compulsion by an individual to engage in some specific activity, despite harmful consequences, as deemed by the user him self to his or hers individual's health, mental state or social life."

 

Now tell me how seeking massages, even twice a week, has harmful consequences...

 

It did say:harmful consequences as deemed by the user himself to his individual .....social life.

 

I do have an addiction.

 

I guess I am pn step 1 - admitting to it.

[sizzlingrice]

Then that is a money problem!

Tag Asian never said money was an issue...

 

Money is not an issue though i do keep track of it and was surprised at how much I have spent on these "addiction" the first 4 months of 2009.

[Lookin]

It did say:harmful consequences as deemed by the user himself to his individual .....social life.

 

I do have an addiction.

 

I guess I am pn step 1 - admitting to it.

What's wrong with seeing a shrink? It sounds like you've got a temporary problem coming out of a relationship, not knowing where to land next, and keeping yourself busy with something you don't want to keep doing forever. Seems like a perfect job for a shrink. Or a support group as OCBeachbody suggested. Or a self help book like you asked about, but damned if I know which one. A good shrink could have you off the table, onto the couch, and back into bed in no time at all. In the meantime, at least you're getting your hedge trimmed.

 

Congrats, and good luck!

[Guest zipperzone]

Then that is a money problem!

Tag Asian never said money was an issue...

 

Quite true - he never said money was an issue. But it was you who asked the question how a massage twice a week could have "harmful consequences', as described in the dictionary definition of addiction that you quoted. I merely mentioned one way it could.

[Guest OCBeachbody]

Well look you are at least trying to seek help. If we cliche the 7 Step program.... next thing to do is get a sponsor. Maybe a best friend to talk too when you feel the need to go out and "get relaxed"

 

Some universals things I picked up from some self help book and my team building seminars are this:

 

1. Identify the root cause of your issue

-Is your current relationship healthy for you?

-What do you Want/Goals?

-What are you willing settle with?

-Make a Plan to overcome your obstacle and succeed in your goals

 

2. Don't be ashamed to seek help or form sponsorship with someone. As men we often are trained into going it alone. As social animals we do need eachother. Either casual or professional help should be sought out

 

3. As a reminder, relationships are a 50/50 ideal. Be sure to always be open and honest to your partner. Talk with them, communication is the key. If a compromise or a solution cannot be found, then reevaluate your goals (settle or move on)

 

I know this advice is very general.... but most self-help books are. Good luck Tag-asian and hope our community here can help you through what your going through