My one regret...

[Okliehomo]

Got way past a 12 pack last night and stumbled upon (sadly, quite literally) a couple of videos that I made early in my hiring days. One with Jim Slade and two with Marco Feretti. Wow. Those guys were something else. I had forgotten how completely perfect Jim Slade's ass really was.... and the way he knew how to position the camera and how he ordered me around like a step child. No wonder I saw him so often. And Marco. Lord. He was made for the camera. Gorgeous face and so charming and nasty all at the same time.

 

Wish that I knew how to convert those videos to dvd.... can't really ask my IT guy to do that for me.... I'm pretty sure that he would never look at me the same way after seeing my tongue so far up Jim Slade's magnificent ass. It was even at little hard for me to watch...

 

Oh.... my regret.. that I didn't film more of them. With the guys that were ok with it... especially all my times with Kent Larson. He was so special...

 

God knows where Slade is... but Marco is still within reach. May have to set that up for August. And Luc/Dallas. Giving serious thought to Jay/Hollywood and Beau/Ft L together.... both are versatile and would love to see Beau's bubble of trouble take Jay's big dick... then, vice versa... with me doing all the prep work. Have to say, though, that BN's review today got my attention. Big time. He's the last of the stars that I have yet to meet... that I want to anyway.... before I move on.

 

And then Ty and David, together again, for Labor Day.... or if Ty is busy, Devon Roff, who already has a ticket..

 

Ok, admittedly, I am bored today. Just thinking out loud and really looking forward to Dane Scott and David on Sunday.

 

July 4th is hard for me. Worse than Christmas or Thanksgiving or even birthdays. Telling you too much, but my parents had a house on the lake and every year that is where the city does the big fireworks display. And she made potato salad and ham and baked beans and once even invited my then bf who she HATED .. as it turned out, with good reason...

 

And two years ago, my Mom had surgery on July 6th for bladder cancer. I remember sitting out there with her and watching the fireworks (it was on the 5th that year because of all the rain) and knowing that the next day, I could lose her forever. So scary. But she was SO brave. And she made it and lasted another 18 months. But today, I just can't seem to shake the sadness. Life goes on, I get it. And I have been so blessed in so many ways... but, I guess, you never get over losing your Mom.

I sure haven't.

 

Today has just been one of those days.

 

Okie

[pegasian]

BIG HUGS

[whipped guy]

Okie… I really didn’t expect your post to take such a poignant detour… but I think many of us can relate.

 

This past father’s day I hooked up with a guy who lost his dad… He didn’t even realize it was father’s day until after our session was over... he then became just a bit sad as we talked about the silly little things that can trigger memories of lost loved ones. I then began thinking about loosing my mom… and both of us were trying to hold back the tears.

 

So there can indeed be a “poignant detour” even during what was a wild hookup… so I guess I should not have been so surprised at the alternative route your posting took at all… as I said it is something to which many of us can relate... and sometimes it is indeed helpful to discuss and give vent to such feelings...

[Epigonos]

Damn Okie your post certainly brought back of host of memories. My mother and father were both from large families, they each had eight sisters and brothers. My mother was a wonderful cook and she NEVER encountered a holiday she didn’t love. Her favorites were Easter, 4th of July, Thanksgiving and Christmas. She had a different menu for each holiday and it wasn’t unusual for twenty five to fifty family and friends to joins us for those dinners. Easter was always ham and scalloped potatoes, 4th of July was barbecued hamburger, potato salad and strawberry shortcake, Thanksgiving was turkey and all the trimmings and Christmas was roast beef. My mother passed away at 91 in 1995 and about ten years prior to her death she decided it was time for me, not my sister, to take over the holiday meal responsibilities. This year I am having only twelve and tomorrow worked out better for everybody so I have spent most of today preparing. It’s NOT the same but it keeps wonderful memories alive and well.

[Okliehomo]

Holidays and food. Hand in hand.

 

One of the true blessings of my life was that during those last 18 months, it was pretty much me and her, by ourselves. I stayed with her every night and when I got the chance, I bought her a house across the street from me so that I could still have some semblance of a life... what I discovered after she moved in across the street was that I enjoyed her company more than anyone else's. I didn't want to go home. She was home to me.

 

Before those 18 months, I couldn't boil water. I was take out and order in and Microwave guy. Showed up at her house when I wanted to eat a home cooked meal. But somehow, during the worst days of my life ( I was sick, too... another story... some snowy night in front of the fire), I learned how to cook and to like it. She left us on Nov 12 and I cooked Thanksgiving dinner for my sister and her girlfriend and one of my best friend. Real cornbread dressing and it was great. And Christmas dinner, too. Chicken fried steak. Almost as good as Mom's.

 

Made her potato salad a couple of weeks ago. But added garlic salt and bacon. Ordered pizza tonight.

 

Am hoping that dinner with Dane Scott and David/SF will improve my less than festive mood on Sunday.

 

Eating ass always seems to lift my spirits.

 

Okie

[rvwnsd]

I lost my mom in April of this year, 3 days before her 76th birthday. A few weeks later was Mother's Day, which I knew was going to be a tough day and, sure enough, it was. A friend (who lost her mother over 30 years ago at the age of 13) and I decided to honor our mothers by getting all dressed up and having a nice dinner at a nice restaurant. We chose a Brazilian barbecue place where there was plenty of food and wine. Definitely a place my mom would have loved. I'm still not over my mom's death and I suspect that I never will be, but that little excursion made me feel 100% better.

[whipped guy]

Okie… Again you have written about situations regarding lost loved ones to which many of us can relate…

 

What's more, one of the reasons I enjoy reading your posts concerns the fact that you can be a bit unpredictable… and again I quite didn’t expect the dispassionate detour that your post suddenly took… but heck that’s life and life must go on and it sounds as though you are making a good go at it… and then some…

 

Here’s hoping you will be back in the holiday spirit and in festive mode by Sunday… Something tells me you will be!

[seattlebottom]

This August will mark 3 years that my mom has been gone. I still miss her and think about her. I miss her cooking most of all, I had asked her to write down her recipes some years before she died but she had laughed it off and now I wish I had pursued my request with more fervor. I so long to taste her lentil soup especially on dark cold days when I need something to lift my spirits.

 

There is an intimacy that one shares with their mother that can never be duplicated by another person, after all she shared her body with yours for 9 months. Perhaps this thing that we refer to as Love is a quest that we take in order to recapture that closeness. My mother developed a 6th sense about all 4 of her kids, we could never hide anything from her. To this day I am convinced that even though I never told her that I'm gay, that she knew I was. She was raised a conservative Catholic, but in the last 15 years of her life she began to talk openly and positively about gay people, I believe it was her way of letting me know that she knew about me and was OK with it.

[rvwnsd]

I know I am focusing on one part of your very poignant post, seattlebottom, but shortly after my parents were married my mother asked my paternal grandmother to show her how to make some of my dad's favorite dishes. So my mom wrote down all the recipes that my grandmother shared and proceeded to make one of them. It was awful. My mom made it again with my dad watching and he confirmed that she followed gandma's instructions to a "T." Grandma came to visit and she watched my mom and confirmed that she followed the recipe and again it was terrible. It was when my mom helped her out of a chair that they realized the problem. My grandma measured ingredients using her hands. She was 4'11" on a tall day. My mom was 5'8" and had hands that were larger than my dad's (he is 6'1"). Although she followed the recipe, her handful was three times the size of grandma's handful. She then translated handfuls and pinches to tablespoons and teaspoons and the recipes came out fabulously.

[Gar1eth]

>Okie… Again you have written about situations regarding lost

>loved ones to which many of us can relate…

>

>What's more, one of the reasons I enjoy reading your posts

>concerns the fact that you can be a bit unpredictable… and

>again I quite didn’t expect the dispassionate detour that your

>post suddenly took… but heck that’s life and life must go on

>and it sounds as though you are making a good go at it… and

>then some…

>

>Here’s hoping you will be back in the holiday spirit and in

>festive mode by Sunday… Something tells me you will be!

>

 

 

Two or 3 years ago--my Mother was in the hospital-- many of her symptoms were consistent with a brain tumor. Even non malignant brain tumors can kill you. It turned out not to be a tumor--but I remember how I felt when I considered the very real possibility of losing my Mom. So to all of you out there--who have lost either parent--my sincere condolences.

 

Gman

[Guest pussyfoot]

I lost my mother two years ago and I think I know how you are feeling.

 

My best to you.

 

Try to focus on the good times as much as possible.

[skynyc]

Thanks for the great post, what is it Truvee says in Steel Magnolias..."Laughter through Tears...my favorite emotion."

 

I had a scare with my mom a couple of years ago and to everyone's surprise she made a full recovery. Dad just hit 89 last month and Mom is due for 85 next month and I recite my mantra of gratitude every day. But in the last six months they have both graduated from "They're older..." to "They're old..."

 

Every year for my birthday, they still send me a check for $100, signed on the line by both of them, and tell me to get what I really want. Of course I tell them I went to a bookstore, or Bed, Bath and Beyond...or if I really want to make Dad happy, to Home Depot. But what I really always spend it on is a Rentboy. (with some extra funds of my own at least.) And I always tell the escort that he is my parents' birthday present to me, which is always received with a laugh. Talk about "make a wish and blow..."

 

It is awesome that you are now a cook...that was one thing my folks taught us early on...survival skills: cooking for a date, changing a tire and the oil on the car, balancing the checkbook, hemming pants, rewiring a lamp, and changing the washers on the sink. All of which have held me in good stead. And if mom noticed that I was a good cook and my sister was a great auto mechanic, she didn't let on.

 

I may just have to hire someone this weekend in honor of your Mom...(and then send $25 to support gay marriage as well.)

[Guest CURIOUS35]

:-) :-) :-) :-)

 

Do you share your videos?

 

I am just asking, please do not get mad!

[Okliehomo]

Loved your post, too.

 

But if you are going to quote "Steel Magnolias" ..... sadly, which I can almost word for word... (and "Postcards from the Edge" as wel) ... my friends tell me that "If you can't say anything nice about somebody, come sit next to me..." is somehow a better fit for me.... those fuckers...

 

Is your sister a lesbian? Car mechanic and all? Mine is. Lesbian, I mean, not mechanic though she was a helluva athlete. Me, not so much. Christmas morning was a complete free for all.... "Hey, that's my truck!!!!"... "Well, that's my Barbie, bitch!!!".. and my parents never seemed to notice, either, then.

 

They were the best for sure.

 

Okie

[Okliehomo]

Me? Mad? No way. Glad that you asked.

 

But about the videos... well, for one, I am in them and sometimes at an angle that even scares me..... and while Jim and Marco are scorchin' hot, I think that I should spare you from the close ups... the ones that I was clearly, NOT ready for, Mr. DeMIlle.

 

But Ty and David made one... that I just filmed and narrated and made a very brief cameo in ... billed only as Tan Old Woman ... but I can't share that either because I promised them both and they both are completely confident in my total lack of tekkie skills so they know I could never figure out how to post it anywhere.... and also, because David is SO shy as evidenced by his own website.... "So, you want to see my PENISSS???" has never been uttered by him...

 

Okie

[skynyc]

Now Okie, You know I love you more than my luggage...

 

Yes, sis is a lipstick lesbian, with all the capabilities of a diesel dyke.

 

Mother is quite proud that she managed to produce a "matched set" as she calls the four of us. One of each, boys, girls, gays, straights. Political discussions at our Thanksgiving table are always interesting.

[curtis20009]

Videos. go on Xtube and show off yourself.