Fin Fang Foom Vomits Because Of Little Benjie's Latest Review

[FinFangFoom]

Like the sun rising in the east, like the swallows returning to Capistrano, like one plus one equaling two, like LOST introducing a new storyline without resolving any of the 3,257 already in play, this morning we get the latest hagiography of our troubled Little Benjie (and let me once again stress this is not a veiled reference to the size of his penis).

 

Although it made me puke in my mouth, it's not worth the time for a deconstruction.

 

However, I would like to point out a few things that caught my evil eye....

 

 

The Real Benjamin Nicholas I know some will think this is impossible.

 

We never find out what "this" is. Was it for a plain yellow pumpkin to become a horse and carriage? IMPOSSIBLE!

 

 

Some people seem to think BN so self centered and selfish that he would be ranting and raving and apoiling the party for everyone else after receiving news of this sort.

 

I find the use of the word "news" to be very curious. I wouldn't refer to being exposed as a serial liar to be "news".

 

 

On another cruise, some kid flushed a towel down the commode in his cabin.

 

It's at this point that we know the whole review is bullshit. This is a merely a variation on the "Flushing the Koran down the toilet" story that turned out to be a lie.

 

Someone please refresh my memory - wasn't there a worker bee who was using other people's stories as their own? The name is on the tip of my tongue.

 

It is IMPOSSIBLE to flush a TOWEL (or a Koran) down the toilet. In fact, you couldn't even cram it in with your hands, let alone actually flush it. Furthermore, I'm not a plumber but I find it hard to believe that one towel could cause havoc for the plumbing of an entire ocean liner.

 

 

That simple act of terror affected most of the ship for days as the crew members tried to resolve the issue.

 

Flying planes into buildings is an act of terror. Blowing up buses is an act of terror. Clogging a toilet is a nuisance. The Word for the Day is: Perspective.

 

 

We were forced to search the ship from stem to stern to find toilets that worked.

 

Oh the humanity!

 

 

We had issues in our own cabin bathroom. The details are unimportant but the fact is that BN took over and minimized our difficulties as best he could.

 

Whadda story. Everything but the bloodhounds snappin' at their rear ends.

 

Saying that "the details are unimportant" is merely another way of saying: I've made up this bullshit premise and there's no way for me to make it sound plausible.

 

 

But, if you consider the fun of doing things with BN, his willingness to participate and just be your helping friend, then, there is nothing better or so it seems in my estimation.

 

Friends help out of the goodness of their hearts. They do it for free. Little Benjie's (let me once again stress this is not a veiled reference to the size of his penis) largess is costing you money.

 

 

He does not barebak (sic) or do any thing that is unhealthy or un-safe.

 

Yeah, right, shoving shit-encrusted dildos in your mouth is right up there with a balanced diet and exercise. Remember that the next time you're kissing him.

 

 

I have known BN for over 4 and 1/2 years and visited over 20 times.

 

Yet, remarkably, this is the FIRST time you've written a review for him. I guess with all those cruises, toilet hunts, bed construction and "intimate" sex there just hasn't been time to sit down and sing hosannas to our troubled Little Benjie (let me once again stress this is not a veiled reference to the size of his penis).

 

I am of the opinion that either Little Benjie (let me once again stress this is not a veiled reference to the size of his penis) wrote this review or he put some putz up to doing it for him.

 

He is an admitted serial liar and this review appears to be merely another example of this pathology.

 

In the words of Edward Albee: "Sad sad sad."

 

Morosely yours,

 

FFF

[JT Brooklyn]

FFF. Totally Agree. Some of these "Working Guy's" who eventually are found out to be pure B/S for the Buck... just don't know when to give it up. BN is just Nbr 1 for 2007. Let's see who make's the NEXT major "Faux Pas".

 

There are other's who think most "Client's" due to THEIR age over 40 suffer from Major Memory Loss! LOL :P

[KMEM]

FFF-

 

And, people wonder why there are not more reviews. It is because of the flack received when a factual one is written. Everything I wrote is true or my opinion, which cannot be other than true.

 

You are entitled to your own opinion, just as I am.

 

Sorry to make you feel ill but the truth does that sometimes.

 

Best regards,

KMEM

[Guest EuropTravl]

I could have sworn when "IT" broke, someone wrote BN was on the Queen Mary in the Port of Dubai. A ship sails from Fort Lauderdale to Dubai? And all you need to do to screw up THE Queen Mary is flush a towel down the john? Don't tell the terrorists, they'll win this one easily. I've always been intrigued by the QE or Mary ships but no longer. (I found the cruise review more helpful in this read).

 

That aside, I believe the review.

Now, "upper end of middle aged" I'm not exactly buying, but "not dead yet" I'll accept.

:-)

[KMEM]

EuropTravl-

 

Thanks for your vote of confidence. I don't know what happened to the trip on the QMII but we were on a Caribbean cruise from FLL on the Caribbean Princess when the "troubles" started. The other cruise was from TPA on HAL when 75% of the toilets on the ship ceased to work.

 

How old do you think I am???

 

Best regards,

KMEM

[Guest EuropTravl]

Now you see, Caribbean Princess I buy. Queen Mary or QE II I had difficulty swallowing could be jettisoned by a single toilet and a "some kid". And Ben didn't write the review because the name of the ship, destination, and, well - the guy who wrote he was aboard the QM in Dubai, that's our Ben. (The most damning evidence he didn't create it was "inopportune" in the body of the review. A 20 something year old? please)

 

"How old do you think I am???"

 

Nice try. Why not ask me how much I think you weigh?

I'll just take a stab and say "older than me" (47)

(Sorry, I've asked too many non-pregnant women who passed through my office "When's the baby due?" to not have learned to keep my mouth shut. And felt the sting of scuba diving with an escort not much more than 15 years younger than me and overhearing "you go down to the bottom and wait, then we'll send your father....")

[FinFangFoom]

>FFF-

>

>And, people wonder why there are not more reviews. It is

>because of the flack received when a factual one is written.

>Everything I wrote is true or my opinion, which cannot be

>other than true.

>

>You are entitled to your own opinion, just as I am.

>

>Sorry to make you feel ill but the truth does that sometimes.

>

>Best regards,

>KMEM

 

 

So tell us more about this "towel" that somehow managed to be flushed down a toilet and shut down the plumbing for an entire ocean liner. Beach towel? Bath towel? Hand towel?

 

I breathlessly await your narrative.

 

Please hurry as it's giving me chills.

 

Eagerly yours,

 

FFF

[KMEM]

I will assume that you are being just as sincere as I am. Therefore I can only answer by recounting what the ship's company told us, the passengers, and that is a kid flushed a towel down the toilet in his parent's cabin. This resulted in most of the cabin's toilets and most of the ship's public toilets being out of service. The ones outside the main dining room were inop. The ones outside the theater were inop. The one that I remember being OK was the one at the work out room. I wandered up there more than once to relieve myself. There were frequent reports of the engineers working diligently on the problem and a fix just about to happen, etc. Eventually I received a day's rebate on the price of the cruise which was a reasonable exchange but I would gladly have traded the problem for the money.

 

Best regards,

KMEM

[KMEM]

Sorry, I was not trying to trick you into saying anything. I was merely curious by the words and tone of your post.

 

Yes, I am older than 47 but not older than dirt.

 

Best regards,

KMEM

[+ glutes]

~~We had issues in our own cabin bathroom. The details are unimportant but the fact is that BN took over and minimized our difficulties as best he could.~~

 

How did Bennie Barry-Borowitz take over?

Pee out the porthole? Where Depends?

[Okliehomo]

I've never met BN and I have never been on a cruise (at least, not at sea) but any post that quotes both lyrics from Cinderella AND Thelma Ritter makes my day. Very clever, FFF.

 

Okie

[AdamSmith]

This toilet-clog discussion moved me to Google the topic. It appears shipboard waste systems can be fragile creatures, notwithstanding the urban rumor that a fat lady who flushed while seated had her large bowel everted by the suction.

 

 

...The toilet was the vacuum-kind, like the airline ones. It was noisy to use. Do make sure you didn't clog it because one clogged toilet would affect 50 others. That was one fact that you wouldn't forget on the ship...

 

http://cruises.about.com/cs/cruisereviews/a/crureview183_2.htm

 

 

...Once our toilet clogged up, as fifty rooms are on the same pipeline...

 

http://www.cruiseopinion.com/nclreviews/ncl-seaward7.htm

 

 

It is imperative that only human waste and toilet paper be put into toilets aboard HARRIET LANE. Any other products (e.g., paper towels) will clog the system, making it unavailable to all.

 

http://www.uscg.mil/lantarea/cutter/harrietlane/reporting/CHAPTER5.pdf

 

 

...There exists within the United States Navy a rate (a.k.a. “job”) known as “hull technician”. Here is the job description from About.com:

 

HTs do the metal work necessary to keep all types of shipboard structures and surfaces in good condition. They also maintain shipboard plumbing and marine sanitation systems, repair small boats, operate and maintain ballast control systems, and manage the Quality Assurance Program.

 

The toilets onboard the carrier are more than capable of flushing a large cat down to the darkest depths of the sewage tanks. Inevitably (and unfortunately) there exist people in the world like my brother who can clog a toilet no matter what the water pressure.

 

When the shit sticks thick (or if you’ve crammed your porno magazine and cum-filled sock into the toilet), it’s time to call in the HTs. Because of this deplorable responsibility, HTs are more commonly known as “turd chasers”...

 

http://www.oldfishandlemonade.com/?cat=22

[FinFangFoom]

>I will assume that you are being just as sincere as I am.

>Therefore I can only answer by recounting what the ship's

>company told us, the passengers, and that is a kid flushed a

>towel down the toilet in his parent's cabin.

 

How do I say this delicately?

 

Oh, I know.....

 

bullshit

 

It's IMPOSSIBLE to flush a TOWEL down a toilet and if you don't believe me, go into your bathroom, put a towel in your toilet and see what happens when you try.

 

So, since anyone with a brain knows you can't flush a towel down a toilet, one can only assume that you're lying while trying to defend a self-admitted thief and liar.

 

And, since we know you're lying about the ridiculous towel story, we can also only assume you're lying about everyting else.

 

I'm sure you'll want to play the victim in this and whine and bitch and moan about how meanies like myself scare off delicate flowers like yourself but frankly I don't give a shit.

 

You decided to hitch your wagon to a pathological liar and thief and now you're having to live with the consequences.

 

I am still of the opinion that our troubled Little Benjie (and let me once again stress that this is not a veiled reference to the size of his cock) is responsible for this "review" - either writing it himself or dictating it to one of his pathetically lonely sock puppets.

 

Either way, it's bullshit.

 

Definitively yours,

 

FFF

[FinFangFoom]

>I've never met BN and I have never been on a cruise (at

>least, not at sea) but any post that quotes both lyrics from

>Cinderella AND Thelma Ritter makes my day. Very clever, FFF.

 

 

Thanks. I'm here for ya baby. :-)

 

Humbly yours,

 

FFF

[KMEM]

FFF-

 

Sorry, but you are wrong. I was there and observed what happened. You are still entitled to your opinion. Whether I am delicate and you are a meany is for others to decide.

 

Best regards,

 

KMEM

[FinFangFoom]

>Sorry, but you are wrong. I was there and observed what happened.

 

 

You mean like when our troubled Little Benjie (and let me once again stress this is not a veiled reference to the size of his penis) was there and helped the woman deliver her baby?

 

You're defending a self-admitted thief and liar and you expect me to take your word for it?

 

<eye roll>

 

Incredulously yours,

 

FFF

[buckguy]

It's a shame that Thelma Ritter doesn't have a bigger place in gay iconography. In "All About Eve", she managed to steal her few scenes from some master scenery chewers.

 

If these toilets are like airline ones, then the only towel that would even fit would be the kind of hand towel that a "budget" motel would have.

 

As for discouraging reviews, I've seen more objection to mediocre reviews than to positive ones. BN has a track record and past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. In other words, even if the review is questioned in error, the odds of BN having bogus review is higher than some other senior (and I'm casting aspersions on his age) escort.

[Louis]

I liked the BN review. Its too bad some people are still in attack mode, but all I can say it that I hope to him in person at some point in time.

Raul is first on my list, after my summer trip, and BN is number two. I origionally wasn't overly interested in meeting him, because he is several inches taller than I am, and in the past I have felt out of place trying to be intimate with a person who is three to four inches taller than myself, but there has been so much talk about him, that I changed my mind...:-)

[FinFangFoom]

>I origionally wasn't overly interested in meeting

>him, because he is several inches taller than I am, and in the

>past I have felt out of place trying to be intimate with a

>person who is three to four inches taller than myself

 

 

Don't worry, more than likely you'll have three or four inches on him - and let me stress that this is not a veiled reference to the size of his penis.

 

Predictably yours,

 

FFF

[Gar1eth]

>~~We had issues in our own cabin bathroom. The details are

>unimportant but the fact is that BN took over and minimized

>our difficulties as best he could.~~

>

>How did Bennie Barry-Borowitz take over?

>Pee out the porthole? Where Depends?

 

 

Is Bennie or Barry another stage name for BN? I've never seen it used before in connection with him.

 

Gman

[Guest novabear22031]

I think you summed it up well.

 

The attacks here in the MC and the review seem to have some ties to them.

 

As to the toilet issue. I have been on a few cruise ships. On some on the newer, larger ships - their waste disposal system is quite complex. As someone mentioned close to what some airlines use. But on a larger scale. On the Caribbean Princess ship, I could see how a towel down the toilet may have caused issues for the entire ship.

[FinFangFoom]

>I could see how a towel down the toilet may have caused issues for the entire ship.

 

 

Except for that needling little fact that it is IMPOSSIBLE TO FLUSH A TOWEL DOWN A TOILET.

 

Repetitively yours,

 

FFF