Why I Hire Escorts

[Guest TBinCHI]

I originally posted a facetious message in response to wildboy's rantings about the reasons that escorts and clients do what they do. After seething for the last hour or so, I decided to post a real response to his thread and to do so in a new thread so as to avoid having to be anywhere near the bilge that wildboy posted there.

 

 

I am a victim of childhood sexual abuse and I hire escorts. But, not for the unimaginative and intellectually lazy reasons that wildboy and his dime store pychobabbler would bully you to believe.

 

When I was 12 and 13, way back in the 1970s, I was abused and, yes, raped, by a teacher. Without going into the gory details, I dealt with the abuse through denial and repression. I made a valiant attempt to live a heterosexual life, including marriage and children. I could not, however, repress the fact that I have been attracted to men my entire life, even though I was too terrified to act on those feelings. Eventually, the repressed memories of the abuse came back. My already failing marriage did not survive the recovery of those memories.

 

I started seeing a therapist and realized that my abuser robbed me of my childhood, my sexual identity, and my self confidence. I wanted them back. He also instilled in me an insidious fear of sex with men. I desperately needed to change that. Therapy - talking - only goes so far. To really heal, I needed to be with men. The question became how to do that. Bars? Imagine a 40plus year old man with no sexual confidence looking for sex and companionship in a gay bar where youth, looks, and muscles reign supreme. I don't think so. The bottom line is that I discovered the world of escorts and have used my experiences with them to go where therapy could not take me.

 

Hiring escorts has allowed me to experience sex with men without fear of rejection. It has allowed me to learn that sex is fun, and can be mentally and emotionally, as well as physically, fulfilling. Hiring escorts has allowed me to learn about and acknowlege my own sexual and emotional needs. It has taught me how to give pleasure back and to focus on the desires of a partner. In all honesty, it has given me the confidence to dare to go out and find a relationship.

 

I have been very fortunate with the escorts that I have hired. Without exception they are wonderful men, both inside and out. I owe them a debt of gratitude and wish I could provide here something more than just a small measure of thanks.

 

So, even though wildboy will doubtless raise his wagging finger and claim that my tale is proof in his pudding, my message here is hopeful and positive, unlike his. Without escorts, I have no doubt that I would still be lost, confused, and deeply depressed. Instead, I am healing, confident and hopeful, the antithesis of wildboy's assertions.

 

Thanks for listening.

[KMEM]

Sorry you went through all that grief. I am glad that things seem to be much better now.

 

Sex workers are often therapists, whether they know it or not, as I am sure that you are willing to attest.

 

Best regards,

 

KMEM

[whipped guy]

TBinChi… What a superb posting… so full of positive, hopeful, and helpful thoughts.

 

I unquestionably agree that escorts… the right escorts… escorts who are themselves considerate, compassionate, and committed individuals… can do wonders to make an individual feel comfortable with their sexuality. No matter what type of activity in which you aspire to engage, knowing that others feel the same way, get pleasure from similar activities, and have comparable emotional desires can work wonders in making one feel at ease, satisfied, and fulfilled.

 

Finding the right escort can certainly open up vast vistas of satisfaction. I am certainly happy that you found the exact individuals who were able to work their particular magic. I certainly have had the privilege of hooking up with at least several such dedicated individuals.

 

In fact making being made to feel comfortable and indeed normal with my own sexual needs has been the most significant byproduct of hiring escorts…

[Lankypeters]

Hiring escorts has allowed me to

>learn about and acknowlege my own sexual and emotional needs.

>It has taught me how to give pleasure back and to focus on the

>desires of a partner. In all honesty, it has given me the

>confidence to dare to go out and find a relationship.

>

>

Over the years, I've heard of therapists who've recommended that their clients see "sex workers." I know of one therapist, back in college days, who directed shy hetero boys to local "workers." I think it makes great sense -- sometimes you just want to deal with the sexual transaction, to learn it apart from personal issues involved in a relationship, even when the latter is an ultimate goal. (And going further, even after you start having relationships, there's still a place for a strictly sexual encounter -- a celebration of pure physical pleasure. We deserve it.)

 

Were prostitution legal in this country, a therapist's reference of this sort would be analagous to an internist's sending a client to a specialist.

 

Not that a great fuck is clinical, as your post elsewehre on Mr. Dane makes clear. I think it's time I scheduled some therapy with him. We can play doctor.

 

Thanks for sharing.

 

Lankypeters

[+ Oliver]

A superior affirmation! :7

[Guest novabear22031]

TBinCHI, thanks for sharing. You are right that widboy's thread does not fit us all. While my situation is different from yours.

 

I was in a loving Gay relationship for almost 13 years. The last 1 1/2 years had been hell though. And we finally split two years ago. It was painful for me. He loved big men, and he "enabled" me to end up hitting the scales at almost 290# by the time we broke up. His parting words were along the line that a "47yo fat pig" had little chance in finding a new "lover".

 

And in an area like the DC area, I can share your feelings about self-image . To be honest, I had no desire for sexual contact till late last year. A friend of mine suggested that I look into hiring an escort/campanion (never sure how of to describe those that I have met or chatted with - "escort" for me is vulgar/uncaring on both sides; with "companion" sometimes being too intimate for the time we spend together).

 

I really lucked out on my first time out with a hire back in January. We did a 4 night cruise. It turned out to be like a vacation with an old buddy with benefits. We had a great time, and with the time we spent chatting - he gave me the confidence to start to try to break-out from my self-imposed exile. As you know that can be a long road.

 

My second try at a hire, also hit a positive note. Though that one was like three months after my first. So it was not like I was addicted to sex. There was something that I was attracted to to both, and the time we spent chatting prior to meeting only confirmed it.

 

wildboy spoke of addiction to sex. Maybe for the two I have met that may be true, but not just for sex for sex sake. The first struck me as one that loved meeting people, and if sex happened - great. It was more of an understanding of needs in our lives. He exposed me to the "Tao of Pooh". The second one went through early life as a chubby kid - as I did too - but had the dedication to change that. He understood someone like myself, that is now down to 255#, sometimes needs reinforcement that we are all human.

 

As I mentioned I am trying to "date" again. But I am finding that there are a lot of frogs to kiss - before I find my future prince. I am finding that escorts/companions can provide an outlet to better understand my needs/desires/faults.

 

It seems that we both are on similar journeys - thankfully we have found some that are willing to accept us with all of our warts - which will only make us better for when we find the right person that can matter for the long term.

[latopdad]

>

>Hiring escorts has allowed me to experience sex with men

>without fear of rejection. It has allowed me to learn that

>sex is fun, and can be mentally and emotionally, as well as

>physically, fulfilling. ...

 

 

A moving and thoughtful post.

 

My experience has been somewhat different. I started with escorts to learn the experience at age 50--my first with a man. But then I hired a couple of well reviewed escorts from this site and had precisely the opposite experience--that is, I felt rejected and demeaned by them--I got the distinct impression that they couldn't wait for the time with me to be over--

 

I do still see one escort with whom I feel we both have a genuine good time and enjoy each other's company. I've had better times and made more positive relationships with guys from CL or even a local Spa than escorts. No they're not as hot as the "professionals," but the experience is more genuine.

[Louis]

Thanks for bringing up the topic again. Lots of interesting responses.

I will be completely honest though. I used to see escorts fairly regularly, until I moved. I had hired some excellent escorts that work in Toronto.

 

A short while before hiring my first escort (Jared in Toronto), a good gay friend had come over to my apartment, something he would do fairly often. He would sleep over in the same bed with me, but we never had sex. We had a great chat the last evening I saw him, and before going home he wanted me to give him a massage, which I did. It was something that he enjoyed a lot. He then went home an committed suicide an hour or so later.

 

For me touch is as important as sex, and I wanted to feel as though I was the escort's boyfriend, or at least have the type of sex he would have when he is on his own time, and not being paid. I wanted to experience the feel of another man's body against mine, and be touched in such a way that I would be satisfied.

Interestingly enough I would feel down or depressed after some encounters, and it seemed to get progressively worse, so much so that I stopped hiring.

 

A lot of it had to do with just going through the motions of being intimate, and having to pay someone to go to bed with me. The simplest way I can explain it, is that the experiences started to feel mechanical. One of the last escorts I saw emailed me when he got home, and asked me if things were all right. I emailed him back, and explained that I things started feeling down, because I had to pay someone to be an intimate friend. I had tried various ways to meet gay guys after that, but for what ever reason, no one was interested in me, so I went the route of hiring an escort.

Now I am not saying that the escorts I hired were not good, because they were, but that frustrating part of the whole ordeal is that money had to pass hands in order to share a bed with someone.

 

I am going to do a weekend two months with an escort from Toronto, (someone I have never met), and I want to meet Raul, and spend some quality time with him. So it will be interesting to see, what kind of experience I will have with the Toronto escort and Raul. I will post a review of the Toronto escort after I see him, but will not mention his name yet, just in case things don't work out, and we don't hit it off as well as planned.

[Steven_Draker]

I wanted to add my voice saying how much I was struck by the eye-opening, and very poignant honesty shown in several of the preceding posts in this thread. As an escort, I learned something important. A special thank you to each of you for speaking up the way you did.

 

Steven Draker ~

http://www.daddysreviews.com/review.php?who=steven_draker_brussels

[JT Brooklyn]

Hopefully the "Newbie" & Young Working Guys read this thread.

 

It definitely would save them alot of time learning something!

 

:P

[Guest TBinCHI]

>Not that a great fuck is clinical, as your post elsewehre on

>Mr. Dane makes clear. I think it's time I scheduled some

>therapy with him. We can play doctor.

 

He's got a hell of a tongue depressor, that's for sure!! He's also a genuinely nice person. Enjoy your therapy!

[whipped guy]

So true JT… some guys are just in it for the buck… and I can appreciate that as after all it is indeed a business.

 

However, in any business those individuals who are dedicated and aspire to excellence will hopefully always be among the most successful.

 

So yes, a lesson about being “considerate, compassionate, and committed” will hopefully be learned by some of the newer purveyors of the trade…

[+ Charlie]

People are always looking for simple, one-size-fits-all cause-and-effect explanations, hence the eternal popularity of religions. However, each of us has arrived where he is through unique circumstances, so one person's experience is not of much practical use in determining why another individual is gay, hires escorts, likes big cocks, etc. All we can do is listen sympathetically to one another, and not make judgmental generalizations about what is a "healthy" sexual relationship and what is not (I suspect that for wildboy, a healthy sexual relationship is the one that he aspires to, and an unhealthy one is anything different from that).