more on communications/expectations and reviews...

[+ Tom Isern]

Last night I was reading Guy Baldwin's "Ties that Bind: SM/Leather/Fetish Erotic Style" and came upon the following chapter: "Beware The Killer Bottom". Baldwin writes:

 

"Bottoms have lots of power too, and they are in danger of harming when they don't know it, don't acknowledge it, don't want it, or don't respect it... Example: Non-submission, or "Please, Sir, I'll wear whatever you pick out for me." In this scenario, the Top chooses clothing for his bottom, then catches a frown of disapproval. The bottom hoped his Top would mind-read, and pick something else for the occasion. In this example, the bottom uses his power in a destructive way by first offering submission, then criticizing the form of the Top's dominance."

 

It will be obvious to some that I am commenting here on Charlie's review of me, and the threads that have spun out from there, so I'll just be upfront about it. Guys hiring: If you want a top to perform for you in a particular way, it is your responsibility as bottoms to communicate that before, or even during, the session. It is unfair to write critical reviews when unexpressed expectations are not met. Say what you want/need and be honest about it. Then your escort can go to work for you.

[+ Tom Isern]

I just want to add that I am not implying anything dishonest about Charlie's review or questioning his integrity or honesty. I've come to know him as a likable and fair-minded person. We had many email conversations about his review and I think we've come to an agreement of sorts. I'm simply making a comment on expectations--they can be, as the old saying goes, resentments in the making. Especially when they aren't expressed and then go unmet.

[Damascene]

There is truth to this, but in particular at time the escort may need to spend a little time upfront investing time to help the client express what he want. There is a good deal of shame in hiring for many men (as well as just self-homophobic shame also) so they may be unwilling or inexperienced in saying what they want.

 

One escort for instance had a little interview with me before the session to feel out what I was comfortable.

 

Another would make a game out of "torturing" out of me what I wanted.

 

Another who knew I liked being surprised and not knowing what was next

 

Another who knew I liked being surprised and not knowing what was next. So he would say give me three things for a three hour session and I control the rest.

 

There was could uncannily read me. I did not have to say anything. He had instinct to read a guy’s body and know what was good and what he could do.

 

Overall like any relationship communication is a two way street.

[+ ArVaGuy]

>

>It will be obvious to some that I am commenting here on

>Charlie's review of me, and the threads that have spun out

>from there, so I'll just be upfront about it. Guys hiring:

>If you want a top to perform for you in a particular way, it

>is your responsibility as bottoms to communicate that before,

>or even during, the session. It is unfair to write critical

>reviews when unexpressed expectations are not met. Say what

>you want/need and be honest about it. Then your escort can go

>to work for you.

 

Tom, don't you think that it would be better to formally reply to the review rather than continue to beat (pun not intended entirely) Charlie in this forum? If you have issue with what he stated in the review why not just post a response as other guys do when they have a different recollection of the encounter which will then be part of that review.

 

Is this really the proper way to address this? I would beg to differ.

[VaHawk]

"If you have issue with what he stated in the review why not just post a response as other guys do when they have a different recollection of the encounter which will then be part of that review"

 

I believe he did that already! Since he has already done that, and has already posted on this subject on the forums, with a response from Charlie, then why he is he allowed to continue to do so, in an obvious effort to discredit the reviewer. Shouldn't that be the question??? :o

 

I don't know the escort, and I don't know the reviewer, but I've been coming to this site for three years, and based on postings/reviews only, I'd have to place my bets on Charlie.

 

In my time here, I have never seen anyone who posts/reviews here, come across as more consistently honest, fair, accomodating and agreeable as Charlie.

[+ ArVaGuy]

>"If you have issue with what he stated in the review why not

>just post a response as other guys do when they have a

>different recollection of the encounter which will then be

>part of that review"

>

>I believe he did that already! Since he has already done that,

>and has already posted on this subject on the forums, with a

>response from Charlie, then why he is he allowed to continue

>to do so, in an obvious effort to discredit the reviewer,

>should be the question??? :o

 

 

I mean post a response to the review through the regular process sending it to Daddy. There is not a response from Tom appended to the review that I can find. Instead there have been posts to this forum related to the issues he has with the reivew.

[augustman]

Tom I agree 100% that good communication between the escort and client is the key to starting off right. I put everything down in my initial contact so the escort knows up front before committing exactly what I am asking for.

 

 

Two of the more popular international escorts are currently travelling in the US. I have been with both my meetings with them were inbetween and did not write a review for either. The one bothered me a lot, I could not figure out why it did not go better. It was really my first very average meeting. I was still new to this so I did not write a review. So it took two years to meet again, which I did recently. In very polite way I reviewed with the escort what the downside was and voila, I had one of the best meetings of my life and a review is pending.

 

This confirmed what I already knew is that I needed to be more specific about what I was interested in. He was professional enouhg to cover all the bases in a very natural eb and flow contrext that may me feel great.

 

This does not mean I should not have written the review. The other guy it was a personality thing and just did not click. That was just last year and I was very specific then. So even with good communication sometimes things do not work out. It is very difficault to write a review when there were hit and miss moments.

[Guest TNT Ted]

IMO positive reviews are easier to write than negative ones. Which might be one of the reasons there are far more positive than negative reviews written and published.

 

If I thought I would have to justify a negative review of mine in any sort of forum, I wouldn't even write it. I admire Charlie for taking the time to write the review (and I really didn't take his comments to be negative --- they seemed pretty factual and non-judgmental to me), but I wonder if he had it to do over again, would he?