Getting what I want

[unclebob]

I'm an older male, pushing 60 who has enjoyed Escorts from time to time. I live in the Washington DC area, and as I have aged, (and aged) I have discovered I have become more withdrawn from meeting others. I know part of this is my age, another part of it is the fact I am overweight with a general sense of self esteem.

I'm really interested in finding some escorts who are totally comfortable with us well aged clients, and who are willing to help an older guy resdiscover his self esteem.

Sexually I am pretty vanilla, I love body contact, and if it ever gets that far, being a bottom.

I really want to hear from anyone with experience with this. Escorts are more than invited to reply as well.

Thanks

"Uncle Bob"

:9

[Holden]

You certainly are not alone. I for one am exactly in your situation: nearing 60, somewhat overweight and find myself to be less than desireable (in my eyes). At one time, I was very attractive, in great shape and could, more or less, get laid if I spent time at a local bar and approached those who interested me. When I reached my 50s, I started to hire occasional escorts. Now, because of physical problems, I have had to stop going to the gym and the results are my putting on weight. I look in the mirror and really feel somewhat inadequate. I have recently stopped socializing with many friends and spend most of my evenings at home watching tv. I last hired an escort 14 months ago. I don't feel like I would be attractive to them and with me, I have to think that the escort is having as much of a good time as I am. Now, I think that they would be just going through the motions and, right or wrong, I would be disappointed.

I know there are escorts who have no problems with someone's age or physical condition, so long as client is clean but I just haven't gotten myself to even try to find one (ask them how they feel about someone like me).

 

It would be interesting to hear from escorts on this issue.

[Boston Guy]

Guys,

 

I'm glad you both posted. Posting here is a good first step and a sign that you want to change your lives for the better. I'd like to offer a few different thoughts.

 

First, you both sound depressed. I'm not a doctor and I'm not trying to make a diagnosis and, as a society, we through around the word 'depressed' rather too easily. But you both sound unhappy, lonely and self-critical. And you're both tending to be isolated, even from your friends. That's a pattern that can be tough for people to break out of. If necessary, seek help from a physician; there may be physical reasons why you are feeling depressed.

 

Beyond that, it's part of the human condition to age and for our bodies to change as we do. Our society tends to glorify youth and everything connected to it and to imply that sex and sexuality is only for the young and beautiful. Given the deluge of messages that flood from Madison Avenue, anyone can be forgiven for thinking that an older, overweight body can't possibly be sexy.

 

But it's not true.

 

It's an oft-repeated phrase -- but one even more often forgotten -- that sex is more in the mind than in the body. Our minds are our primary sex organs. Most of us have had an enounter here or there with someone who was young and hot but not much fun at all in bed. But there are also people who aren't beautiful but who are wonderful to be with. A good sense of humor, a nice smile, kindness, genuine interest in satisfying one's partner -- these are things than can transform a dull time between the sheets into something much more fun and memorable. And they are hardly the sole domain of the young. On the contrary, older people often have a repertoire of tricks that the young haven't seen yet and are often more patient and giving. Don't for one minute think that you have to be young and lean to be sexy.

 

But I think there's more going on here than just bad body image. That might explain why you guys aren't going out and picking up guys at the bars or even, perhaps, why you've been reluctant to hire an escort. But why are you letting yourselves be lonely? Why are you staying at home alone instead of going out and having some fun?

 

Do something. Call a friend or, better, call two friends. Go have dinner, go to a movie, catch a show, go to a stripper bar, take a walk and chat about old times. Call an old friend you haven't heard from in years -- if you do, I guarantee that you'll make that friend's day and just maybe your own, too.

 

And if none of this appeals to you, stop feeling for sorry for yourselves and go help someone who is truly in need of help. Go to a hospital or a hospice or a nursing home or a clinic and volunteer. Offer up your services and you'll be amazed at how much more you get back than you end up giving. Or go spend some time teaching immigrants or children to read. The possibilities are endless and helping others is always a better thing to do than sitting home alone watching TV.

 

And, finally, stop being afraid to hire an escort. Think back to when you were 25 years old. Were you attracted to older guys, guys who were maybe 30 years older than you and possibly overweight? I know I sure wasn't and neither were my friends. And, guess what? Niether are many of the escorts you see discussed here or elsewhere. These guys escort, primarily, to make money. They've discovered that this is a good way to make money so can they do whatever else it is they want to do. The good ones have learned how to perform well with guys they aren't attracted to and some will tell you that they've learned how to find something sexy -- something, anything at all -- in just about anyone. Maybe it's the nice ass on one old guy and the wicked sense of humor in another and the kind, gentle nature of a third. But don't for one minute think that an escort is going to reject you because you aren't his type: if escorts did that, there wouldn't be any escorts.

 

So, find a guy who appeals to you and hire him. Remember that you're the client and you're paying him to perform a service. If he's good, you'll have fun. You can even fantasize about it. But don't try to make more of it than it is. And, for God's sake, please don't let your self-esteem be subject to whatever might happen when you hire an escort.

 

We are, each of us, far more than any one component of our lives. We are far more than just a body or just a personality. We are who we are now, who we have been and who we will be. We are our experience, our knowledge, our potential. We are our friends and those we have helped, taught, mentored, been kind to and -- yes -- those we have hurt, whether casually, on purpose or with malice. We bring all of our lives to bear each day when we walk out of the house and what we look like under our clothes is such a small part of who we are that it makes no sense at all to feel bad about the person we are because of a few pounds (or more).

 

If you don't like the way you look, well, do something about it. Exercise more or eat less or, preferably, both. But don't let your body image rule your self-image. Don't let something so superficial blind you to all that you are. Madison Avenue may be shouting at you from the rooftops but ignore the advertising and take stock of who you really are and who you want to be for the rest of your lives. Have confidence in yourself, a spring in your step, a smile on your face, a kind word for those you encounter, patience and understanding for those around you and you'll be amazed at how sexy you appear to many of those who see you.

 

BG

[Bilbo]

Bravo. By and large, excellently said.

 

A couple of suggestions that cross my mind:

You could hire an older escort. Find out for yourself what can make an older man incredibly sexy. If you are in or near Houston, that would include my services.

And, while I'm self promoting, why not hire an erotic bodyworker instead? (I do that, too.) If you are relaxing on his table, and all of his attention is on you and if you are allowed to ignore him, then you will learn to accept and appreciate the joy of touch. And it will occur to you that you deserve what you are feeling. And confidence is one of the sexiest things that anyone can have.

Also, may I suggest taking a Body Electric course? Most of the people who take their basic course, Celebrating the Body Erotic, are your age and probably at least half look no better than you do. (You don't look half as bad as you think you do, BTW.) And they all come out of there incredibly sexy, knowing a lot of moves that other people don't, and that anyone with an open mind will enjoy feeling. Knowledge is confidence, too, isn't it?

And, finally, on to something that I myself haven't done yet (Yay! Not talking about himself! Yay!) There is a wonderful week long gathering of gay male nudists each year called GNI. And I haven't met anyone who has been to it who didn't enjoy the h. out of it. And most of them seem to come back with a circle of new friends. I'm just going to drop this hint and hope that someone who has been to it fills in the blanks for all of us.

Nekked hugs, my friends. }(

[BigK]

Some great sincere advice already. Being extemely overweight myself, I always carefully describe myself to atempt to find an accepting escort. I also mention role playing where I ask the escort to simulate finding me attractive. Of course its hit or miss, but when its good its really good.

 

On a recent hiring the escort told me that I have sexy eyelashes...echoing the observation of Boston Guy that the good escorts concentrate on something they are attracted to.

 

I guess I'm trying to reinforce that many will see you in a more positive light then you may be seeing yourself right now. Best wishes.

[Apex_Rob]

I agree. Everyone is hot in some aspect or other. I like to find what about someone really turns my crank and focus on that. None of us are perfect, in this context I see my role is to accentuate the positive and help my clients see the sexiness they do have (including being older), not what they percieve as the sexiness they don't have. One of the reasons I do what I do is that I love people. I find people fascinating and think everyone has something unique to offer. Just my $0.02

 

-Rob

[Apex_Rob]

Holden, have you considered hiring a personal trainer to help you with a routine and eating guideline that fits in with your current lifestyle? That's one of the other roles I play in my life and I do have a few crossover clients from the personal training work.

 

-Rob

[orlandoguy]

Some very good advice and insights being shared here. I too am approaching the older decade in life. However, I do hire escorts from time to time (espcially when I'm traveling), and without exception, they have all been very comfortable rolling around in the hay with a man 30 years their senior. All that I've seen were great -- giving and receiving of themselves. I've always felt better about myself and about the escorts afterwards. Perhaps it's a matter of communicating up front and letting the escort know what you expect, etc. That way there're no surprises. Some escorts advertise they like older men. There are many here on the m4mescort site who do. So, I say -- go for it! Read the reviews on this site, and you'll find lots of good escorts who'll pleasure you and make you feel better about yourself in the process.

[+ Charlie]

Gay men, unfortunately, often feel their personal worth depends on their sexual attractiveness, and therefore they worry about whether other men find them "sexy". There is more to sex appeal than just physical attributes, however. As we age, no amount of dieting, working out and cosmetic surgery is going to make us hot young studs again, no matter how much we try to fool ourselves (although all of those things may still be worth doing for other reasons). The most beautiful boy will cease to attract others in time if his personality is a clinker. What makes older men attractive is character--self-esteem comes from knowing that you have integrity in your relationships with others, and that you have accomplished and are accomplishing things worth doing, not just superficial things like making a lot of money or buying the "right" material possessions. Hiring escorts to tell you that you are attractive, when in your heart you don't believe it, is a waste of money. BG is right when he says that it is more important to get out and do things to raise your self-esteem first, and then hire escorts because you want to have sex with them, not because you hope they want you.

 

For the record, I am in my 60s and nothing special to look at, yet I still get hit on regularly in bars and social gatherings (lately, unfortunately, even more by women than men), probably because I don't worry about whether I look hot.

[Guest ncm2169]

So as not to repeat all the other excellent advice, here's my short take on things: you're as old as you feel, and as you act, and as you see yourself. I haven't acted my age in years, and I don't intent to start anytime soon. :+

[FourAces]

Hey you two,take that frown off your head as you are too long dead. I think it sounds better when you hear it in the song by the Kinks

 

Anyway, I'm old, huge 380 pounds, getting bald(er) and refuse, absolutely refuse to allow my age / size make me run (or waddle) and hide.

 

There are many escorts that truly do not care about our age and size. They're looking for someone who will be kind to them, treat them with respect and not treat them like a hired dog. Professional escorts want their clients to be clean fat, thin, tall, white, brown whatever. As a big guy living in a fucking desert where the temps reach convection oven status I can sweat a lot ... so I always make sure that prior to a meeting with an escort I'm all showered up. It really is that simple.

 

And for those who don't feel younger guys can be attracted to old fat men I somewhat disagree and I know this will be an exception but anyone can have an exception.

 

There are some people out there that do have a natural attraction to older and bigger guys. I have been fortunate to meet one young man, many decades younger than me who enjoys being with me (I've known him for 3 years now)... and he is NOT an escort but looks as beautiful as many escorts do. We get together at least one weekend a month, he lives in California and I'm in Las Vegas. I also, recently, met an escort on craigslist who is also young, thin, smooth, sey, cute, yyum I am getting hard thinking about him mmmmmmmmmmm, ok back to reality who since our first meeting has "stopped by" on his own to have some bedroom fun. I think he enjoys the "comfort" of being around me, the stability, safety and maybe into chubby men too. Anyway, these are two examples.

 

But one warning, if you find someone who digs you (what a 60's word) don't fucking analyze it just enjoy the time you spend with him.

 

Good luck to you guys. As you can tell by the other posters in this thread there are many people like yourself out here.

 

RT

[luczen]

What a very good advise from BG and the others .

I also am 65 and somewhat overweight and never go out in bars but I go to concerts , opera and every sunday evening , I give a dinner for my gay friends with their (younger) friends ; I also see escorts on a regular basis ; not one of them has said anything about my age or weight but I treat them very well and I am very gratefull to them.

There are also young man who like older man; 2 years ago a young bodybuilder felt in love with me and we see each other 5-6 times a year( he is russian) so miracles still happen but you do'not find them before a TV; you have to move and be friendly to people ; one does not catch bees with vinegar

[BradAdamsXXX]

Well said, BG

 

Well said, BG. I hope your wise words echo loudly through the halls of Hooville.

 

From this escort's point of view, I couldn't agree with you more. A healthful man (mind, soul, body - whatever the proportions) is a happy man. That, to me, is hot as hell.

 

Brad

[best hotel]

...i suspect that part of the problem is in the tastes of many older tops....they want younger bottoms (as is the case among many of their heterosexual counterparts)...as a middle aged bottom, i am constanly seeking older tops...i predict that if any of the retired older top escorts came out of retirement, their client base would be legion...however, too many tops want young ass....so, while i agree with the postings about self-esteem, depression, attitude, etc....we should understand that the older bottom guys who are having difficulty finding a lover are facing a real numbers problem....keep looking for the few tops who want someone they can relate to as well as fuck...and remember, years of experience can make one have enviable skills at cock sucking ...i know plenty of tops (young and old) who cannot cum unless serviced with diligence,hunger, stamina, and energy...i think my fellow mature bottoms know what i am trying to say...

[menrus]

Don't just sit on the toilet-

get up off your ass and do something about your problem or flush yourself down the drain

[rocky]

I hesitated responding for a number of reasons. First, I'm an insecure mature (51 yrs old) man that is hefty (5'6" about 200 pounds); I have had experiences where men have come on to me and I'm not sure it's because I have a bit of money or they are liking a bigger bear type guy. But I know those in my shoes hesitation of not wanting to offend escorts or even hustlers. I say what I do with my money is my business but I also don't want to have those who I'm with to feel uncomfortable. Guess what I'm saying is, I am more than willing to be rejected, just tell me the truth. Rocky

[+ Charlie]

You're right about one thing: you certainly sound insecure. In fact, it sounds like you expect rejection--ever hear of a "self-fulfilling prophecy"? If you set yourself up to be humiliated, you will be. Your fear of "offending" an escort or hustler by asking to hire him makes me want to kick you in the pants and say "Be a man! Tell that hustler you want his dick!" An escort is in business to make money by selling his body for his asking price, and if you can afford him and you want him, you are not offending him by making an offer. If he refuses, he is offending YOU. And he won't be very successful at his profession, either.

[Epigonos]

Both Boston Guy and Four Aces are right on. Great posts gentlemen. I once read that if a client is clean and relatively sober he is a winner in the eyes of most escorts. In the same article the writer explained that one should not worry about ones age or appearance because escorts will, most likely, have seen clients who are better and worse looking as well as younger and older that we are. I, by choice, always provide an escort, I want to hire, with a full description of myself and then state, in an email, that if that information is OK with him to drop me a line and we will set something up. I am currently 64 and have been hiring for about 21/2 years. Not once has an escort turned me down. The one thing we have to overcome is our fear of rejection. So much of that fear is based on our own self image (we thing we are too old, or too fat, or too something else) and we let it interfere with our will to enjoy life and grow.

Just tighten you seat belt, make that call or send that email and prepare to have fun. Good Luck

[Swiss Lumber]

Money makes older men a lot more attractive than anyone. I once dated a 55 yr old guy from Miami who was 280 lbs, 5'7, and bald but he was one of my best fuck ever. It just feel different having sex in sprawling master bedroom overlooking the ocean and knowing that you can do this anytime without worrying where your next rent payment will come.

 

A thick wallet is just as good as a thick cock!

[VaHawk]

GO GET A LIFE??????????????

[VaHawk]

GOD!!!!!!!!!! You really need to step back, look in the mirror and QUESTION just WHY, your clueless ass needs to dispense/judge/council others, especially when you are TOTALLY CLUELESS!!!!!!!!! GOD, I AM SO SICK OF YOUR FUCKING HOLIER THAN THOU FUCKING PREACHING! :-( x( x( x( x( x( x( x( x( x( x( x( x( x( x( x( x( x( x( x( x( x( x( x( x( x(

[Swiss Lumber]

Ohhh..VaHawk,

 

Relax. This is a forum and everyone is entitled to their opinion. I am not preachy here sweetie so remove the butt plug and calm down.

[Guest OralBtm4Top]

Rob, what city are you in?

[Boston Guy]

Don't mind Hawk... he seems to need to rant from time to time, often late at night, and has evidently decided to make a habit of insulting me or what I have written. He doesn't comment on the issues at hand, but instead just writes something similar to what he wrote here, usually with at least one -- and sometimes many -- frowning faces.

 

If it makes him good or somehow superior, then that's a good thing, I guess. It's harmless and doesn't bother me a bit. Everyone's entitled to their own opinion.

 

BG

[Swiss Lumber]

Thank you, Boston Guy...

 

I should see you sometime. Which part of the gay LA are you, Big Guy?