Handicaps, and I'm not talking about golf

[BobbyThompson]

Alright, I know this topic's horse has not only been beaten but pointed and laughed at, but with new members comes new insights.

If you as a client have a disability, what would your approach to an escort be? Do you disclose it first to see if it is something the escort is comfortable with, or assume he should be equitable and unbiased in all regard? What degree of disability should be communicated? Minor immobility or say being paraplegic?

 

I ask because I had an encounter with just this situation recently. I don't want to post how I reacted since I'd prefer to hear what you have to say regarding the issue, and not about my response.

 

Thanks guys!

[HotdadENYC]

Bobby, I am somewhat handicapped (believe me, NO PUN intended) by the absence of details, but here is MY opinion nonetheless.

 

Each of the escort and client should definitely have had a conversation (phone is the best) to get a feel for each other's expectations.

 

As a client, I ALWAYS ask if there is something "else" I should know about, after, of course, seeing hopefully current pics, talking on the phone and agreeing to the parameters before we meet.

 

An escort, I would hope, would engage in the same kind of discovery-based discussion, at the very least to find out if there were any "particulars" that you should be aware of. For example, your ad might not mention leather, ropes and chains, but if your discussion with the client indicates a certain propensity for S&M, which you are NOT comfortable with, then I suppose you make an informed decision, whether or not to meet, based on that information.

 

Same goes with the situation you described. If YOU have asked, in advance, if there is ANYTHING SPECIAL or OUT OF THE ORDINARY that you should be concerned about (and it IS a legitimate question), then I would hope that the client reveals not only his hidden desires, but any physical challenges that might not only impact the session, but ultimately color your decision as well.

 

Which is NOT to say that a physically challenged client shouldn't let YOU know THAT in advance. I think he should. I especially think he should reveal that information when YOU are asking for exact parameters.

 

I'm a pretty loving, caring and passionate kind of guy, in general, but I personally find it uncomfortable to deal with people that have physical handicaps. That is MY viewpoint. I am not disrespectful, nor am I malicious, and I HAVE volunteered my fair share of time with those less fortunate than me. However, I have no desire to sleep with them.

 

Ultimately, I guess its up to you. If you engage with a client, who has NOT been 100% revealing in his description, then the decision to go with it is really your choice.

 

But damn, kiddo, based on what you said, it sppears you have an inordinate amount of patience and understanding. Which is why, I suppose, you are touted as one of the West Coast's best.

 

I applaud not only your kindness, but the very tactful way that you presented this situation to us.

 

 

Regards, kid

 

hd NYC

[+ Charlie]

Whatever the "handicap" might be, the person who possesses it has experience of others' reactions to it. If that reaction is normally curiosity and sometimes revulsion, then he should expect that an escort may respond that way as well. Therefore, it makes sense to discuss it with the escort in advance and not assume that the escort will pretend not to notice. Of course, some people refuse to recognize or accept their own "handicap", while others are unusually sensitive to "handicaps" that seem unimportant to strangers. Whatever the handicap is, if a client shows up without having informed you about it, I hope you will remember that it is probably a sensitive and emotional issue for him, and be kind (which doesn't mean that you can't still decline to go through with the appointment).

[+ Lucky]

"I personally find it uncomfortable to deal with people that have physical handicaps. That is MY viewpoint. I am not disrespectful, nor am I malicious"

 

It is, I guess, to your credit that you are at least honest about it. You might consider this to be something to work through, though, as it may cut some pretty decent people out of your life.

[Guest backbaygayguy]

>What degree of

>disability should be communicated? Minor immobility or say

>being paraplegic?

 

If the “disability” can affect the interaction to the point that the escort needs to make accommodations, then I think an advance notice is needed. (Echoing what hd NYC said.)

 

Until recent surgery, I had a knee problem -- had trouble with stairs, couldn’t stand long or walk far. For an in-call, I always asked about stairs. Otherwise, I said nothing in advance. If we were standing for too long, I might ask to move to the bed. BTW, I never considered these mobility issues a “disability” -- I travel widely to Europe and Africa and have adjusted as needed.

 

Regarding scars: I used to be sensitive about scars from old knee surgery and wouldn’t wear shorts, but then one day I saw a guy with two artificial legs wearing shorts, so I said what the hell. Now that I have new (bright red) scars, I’m less sensitive. No one at the gym has commented, except out of curiosity or to compare surgeries -- and the same was true this past weekend during a session. The escort did ask during small talk on the bed, but wasn’t phased by the appearance. (I figure they’ve seen worse!)

[+ Oliver]

Bobby -

You may wish to look at a previous discussion on this subject, found at

 

http://babydb.male4malescorts.com/dc/dcboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=5&topic_id=6558&mesg_id=6558&listing_type=search

 

Hope this helps.

[Epigonos]

As far as I'm concerned communication is the name of the game. The more the escort and I about each other the better, I feel, our exlperience will be. In the self description part of my reviews I always state that I dislike unpleasant suprises. I use those exact words in my second email with any escort I'm considering hiring. I describe my self including the fact that I'm 64. Now some might and some might not consider that a handicap but I want that piece of information out front. The escort can then decide if he is comfortable meeting with me or not. THAT IS HIS CHOICE AS IT SHOULD BE. Thus far I have never been refused but if the day comes when I am so be it -- life goes on and I'll get over it. I sincerely believe the client SHOULD/MUST disclose any handicap real or imagined.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

BT, good topic~

 

From my POV, i would prefer if someone i was going to see disclosed a major handicap.

 

Now, if it's something that wouldn't effect the meeting or situation, then it's probably best to leave it alone and concentrate on having a ball (... or two) together. I don't necessarily need to know about missing testicles, multi-colored foreskin, a nasty case of psoriasis or stretch-marks: It's beside the point and such info can be saved for dinner conversation later that evening

 

It's funny you mention this BT, as i was recently in this situation in Vegas, meeting with someone for the first time then discovering he was in a wheelchair. While i've had many guys with varying degrees of handicap, this was the first guy who had never mentioned anything beforehand. It didn't shell-shock me the least bit, but i did let him know afterwards that in the future he might want to let other escorts know BEFOREHAND to avoid any issues.

 

I think this is just another topic based on communication. I know it's been beaten to death, but you can never ask too many questions regarding an initial meeting. It's better to be safe than stupid. With any amount of money on the line, i would suggest taking the time and effort to get to know someone before assuming things will be copasetic. 'Do your homework'

 

 

Warmest Always,

 

 

Benjamin Nicholas

[noviceny]

Hey BT,

 

 

>If you as a client have a disability, what would your approach to an escort be? <

 

I would tell the escort, but thats just me.

 

>Do you disclose it first to see if it is something the escort is comfortable with, or assume he should be equitable and unbiased in all regard? <

 

I would never assume that someone would/should be unbiased. I would love it if the world worked that way, but my experience is that many times, it does not. Put on top of that, this is also a business transaction and I would want my money involved in a decision that bases its outcome on someone being unbiased.

 

>What degree of disability should be communicated? Minor immobility or say being paraplegic?<

 

I think that any of the visible disabilities (those that can be seen or experienced by the escort) should be communicated.

 

 

I will give you a phrase that has helped me in dealing with people from any different way of life. Its not mine, but I think it sums it all up :

 

"When dealing with someone who is handicapped (or different, or Black or a woman or just about anything), first never forget that they are handicapped. Secondly, forget that they are handicapped."

 

Additionally, be aware and responsive to how the other person would like you to respond.

 

You are cool, so I know you'll be fine

[OneFinger]

>Regarding scars: I used to be sensitive about scars...

 

I have a rather large scar on my leg and I've never known whether to disclose that or not. It's about 6" long, 3" wide and looks rather gruesome. I always make sure it's covered with a bandage when I hire and only discuss it if the escort asks.

 

In addition, I've got some major "splotches" of permanent skin discoloration on the same leg as the result of cellulitis several months ago. Again, I don't disclose that in advance.

 

However, I am old, fat, and balding. While these conditions not considered handicaps I always disclose my overweight status prior to my first session with an escort. If I had physical disabilities I'd definitely let the escort know.

[FourAces]

I guess some escorts might view me as handicapped due to my weight. I always disclose it when contacting an escort. After all it isn't exactly something that I can hide from him

 

I know that being a personal companion has to include certain chemistry between escort and client. If my weight is an issue I rather know before I spend my $$$.

 

Now if you're talking about someone who might be a paraplegic I believe that they too should have the courtesy to disclose this before meeting the escort. Just like my weight it isn't something that one can really hide.

 

As has been discussed here many times with very different view points; I believe that communication prior to meeting is the only thing that will make a fun encounter. And I would want the escort to be upfront about his limitations too ... like I don't do fat guys or black people or asian people or whatever that might be.

 

RT

 

"What will we touch there? - We'll touch the sky

But why the tears there? I'll tell you why

It's all to beautiful, It's all to beautiful

It's all to beautiful, It's all to beautiful" sf

[Bob]

This is a timely topic for me since I have a paralyzed arm resulting from childhood polio. I was a child before Jonas Salk ended this scourge. I quickly adapted to eating, brushing my teeth, and masturbating with my left hand (wrong order, masturbation came first since I was 15 and perpetually horny), and have lived a full and almost normal life. Obviously I have lived with this condition for many, many years and long ago ceased to consider it a handicap. When I was younger and people used to look at me I would elicit occasional stares and questions from small children but at my present station in life no one seems to notice.

 

Strangely enough when hiring a escort I always mention my age and somewhat rotund appearance but never my handicap. Maybe I'm so worried about being rejected on the first two issues I just don't want to pile on more baggage. Maybe I consider age and weight greater handicaps. Maybe subconsciously I don't want to talk about it.

[joel304]

Bobby,

 

Now tell us how u handled it. I'm dying to know.