Does anyone ever get tired of escorts?

[Eric]

I love the guys I have met and have even made some friends.... but recently I am just plain tired of seeing escorts. Maybe I just want more now, maybe it's just feeling redundant. Does anyone else ever feel this way? And is it permanent or just a phase?

[+ Charlie]

Most of us get tired of the same routine, no matter what it is. Even calling out for delivery of a hot stud to do exactly what we want can become as big a yawn as deciding between Chinese or pizza. Take a break from it for a while, and then you will remember why you enjoyed it, and the return will be more exciting and pleasurable.

 

On the other hand, it's also possible that you started hiring escorts simply as an expedient while waiting to find true love, and you are beginning to experience some anxiety about getting trapped in a holding pattern. In that case, it's time to examine your real goals and decide what to do about them.

[axebahia]

>Take a break from it for a while, and then

>you will remember why you enjoyed it, and the return will be

>more exciting and pleasurable.

 

... or look harder, and find someone new. When I get that feeling, it is usually because I am plain bored with my regulars, or that my regulars have become "friends" so they no longer feel like escorts, and ordinary emotions and desires begin to kick in. Good luck!

[VaHawk]

IMO, I think your question revolves more around making sexual encounters the center of your universe rather than being tired of escorts per se. If this is the case, then let's hope it is indeed permanent and not a phase.

 

I believe that you are finding that sexual encounters alone are not providing you with the moral sustenance that you seek. Sex is definitely important, but to live one's life around planning the next encounter has to be dissatisying as you miss out on all the other wonderful things in life. Go out and explore other things that interest you that have nothing to do with sex.

 

I know that this is a sexual/escort centered site, but it seems to me that some posters center their whole lives around sex and imo, that is not too healthy. What does it mean when every part of your life has to be so centered on sex, that you can't even take a vacation to anyplace that doesn't have a thriving escort sex scene?

What does it mean, when the only topic you can discuss is sex and escorts? What does it mean when the only sexual discourse you have experienced/discuss is escorts?

 

I like escorts and have found most to be guys that I enjoy being with because they offer experiences that I find fun and I want to continue to enjoy being with them on an occasional basis. To make experiences with escorts, or sex itself, the only reason for being would indeed be redundant and boring and self-limiting.

[Eric]

Believe me, sexual encounters aren't the center of my universe by any means, but I used to find dating escorts exciting and exhilarating. I love some of the escorts I have met and befriended; they're great guys. It's just that the excitement is gone these days for some reason. Maybe it is a yearning for more (relationship/love), but maybe it's just a yearning for something different, which I can't figure out.... Sigh. I still call occasionally a few of my escort friends, but when I get together with them, I don't really even want to have sex; it's just nice to catch up with them and see how they're doing.

[Paul Revere]

Eric;

 

I don't know exectly what it is that you are going through, but I think I am going through it too, My trips to Montreal no longer excite me the way they once did. I still have fun and all, but the thrill is gone.

 

It may indicate a need/longing/desire for a different kind of relationship. Say, a real boyfriend, rather than "boyfriend for an hour". "Boyfriend for an hour" is easy and fun, but it now leaves me longing for something more. If I figure out what that is, I will let you know.

[FrancoDiSantisxxx]

The Grass IS Always Greener

 

There is, in sociology and psychology, a set of individuals with a behavior pattern described as "thrill seeker." However, there is another school of thought that believes that at any time, all of us can find ourselves in situations or circumstances where we feel something is lacking.

 

One of the basis of modern culture, at least in highly industralized first world countries, is that we have a great deal of leisure time, proportionate to others on our planet. It may be that you are not so much feeling that there is something lacking in one particular aspect of your life as you find that what used to thrill you with great ease no longer does. This may mean, as simply as some have suggested, that you need to set it aside and come back to it. It may also mean you need to explore some aspects, both in yourself and amongst what is available, that you have not already considered.

 

While the usual suspects: volunteer work, further studies, and the like, all seem like the "Dear Abby" suggestion, the fact of the matter is that we all need something in our lives to keep us motivated and interested once most of our basic needs (food, shelter, etc.) are met. The most interesting and most motivating thing in life are other people; this does not mean new escorts, or a permenant boyfriend, but simply putting yourself out there in situations and circumstances where you can be open to as many new opportunities as possible.

 

Good luck.

[guptasa1]

RE: The Grass IS Always Greener

 

Interesting topic.

 

Thinking about your question, I think maybe it depends on WHY you're seeing escorts. It sounds like a large part of it for you is the thrill, whereas for me, I can do without much of the thrill - I'm just looking for companionship and a temporary reprieve from being lonely. Thrill is part of it - I *love* trying new things I've never experienced with escorts, but the companionship is MORE important if I had to prioritize.

 

Just like a great movie that thrills you the first time you see it, everytime you do thereafter, it's going to likely get a little less thrilling than the last time. (Or you could use a rollercoaster analogy, though since rollercoasters scare me to death as is I can't really relate to that one - lol).

 

Will I ever get sick of seeing escorts? Yes and no. Ideally, even now I know I would prefer a boyfriend in a long-term relationship. On the other hand, if I don't have that eventually and can afford to continue seeing escorts, I don't really see myself getting sick of it and NOT seeing escorts. I just don't think occasional companionship is ever something I'll personally get sick of, and especially if I never have something more regular and permanent, I'm always going to want that in my life. Now maybe I'll run out of new things to try (I hope not) and some of the thrill will be gone, but the companionship factor will always be there, and at least right now, I believe it will always be the primary motivator for me.

 

So I guess your question is partially dependent on your motivation - for thrill or for companionship and to cope better, etc. At least that's my take on it and opinion.

[Trixie]

Eric, this is a truly interesting question. One can ask "does one get tired of ecorts", but the real question is does one get tired of sex merely for the sake of sex. The answer, I think, is yes, of course!

Sex is an integral part of being human. It tints the life of every adult, in mind, body and soul. It feeds and nourishes, it re-creates and animates, it is the very energy that drives all life.

However, it does not exist solely on the physical plane, and does not want to be limited to there. Sex is an exchange of life and energy. One cannot be satisfied for too long if one is involved in it merely for physical gratification in exchange for money. It leaves out too many other parts of the human being, such as the soul. Hiring an escort is a wonderful luxury, and sometimes a physical necessity, but it does not take the place of a fuller exchange between two people making love.

I think any escort will tell you that. It is part of their job to make sure that the physical and the other realms stay separated during the time one spends with them... or at least that a clean break is made at the end.

Eric, you can rest assured that no matter how you feel now, your libido will rise again to make mere sex a priority. And that's ok, but remember that you have other mouths to feed, your heart and mind want nourishment too. One can't really buy their foodstuffs...they must be given freely, and shared freely.

La Trix

[Guest Daddybottom]

Great topic. In my twenties I just wanted a lot of sex. I saw tons of escorts and really had a blast. But after about five years I got tired of escorts and started wanting something more substantial. I was also getting worried about the risks I was taking. A lot of the escorts I played with used crack, crystal or heroin and I would sometimes use with them. In addition I was often drunk or stoned while with them so there was definitely a risk that something unsafe might happen. I think I was pretty lucky in that I did not get addicted to anything or infected with HIV.

Almost every man I know-- straight and gay-- has gone through a time when they just wanted lots of sex. Some found it in bars, bathhouses or the internet but others found it through escorts. A lot of my friends outgrew this phase and are now settled into relationships-- although they may still be using escorts when they travel or even occasionally in the context of their relationships. I see being tired of escorts as a great opportunity for me to see if I can get into a relationship. I'd like to try this because I'm attracted to the idea of having someone who cares about me and will be there for me. I don't think I can expect that from an escort-- its a business relationship after all.

I've been thinking about this since I recently saw two movies about gay men making the transition from looking for sex to looking for relationships. "Latter days" was about a gorgeous gay LA party boy while hooked was a documentary about gay men who found sex over the internet. One of the nicest things about hooked was that at the end of the movie they told where everyone they interviewed had ended up. The people who had expressed lack of satisfaction with internet sex were all getting into relationships.

[uwsider]

I have experienced similar feelings and periods of time where my interest and resulting gratification from seeing escorts has waned. I think this is partly due to taking inventory of the financial reality of frequent hiring in addition to the inevitable "reality check" that follows even the best experience. It is, after all, a fantasy/unreal experience that may well satisfy the libido, but my definition must leave the heart empty. I completely understand the parameters of escort/client relationships, although I, as others, have made a number of friends in this way. I think it is always good to take a sabbatical and then reassess what one gets from escort encounters. I, for one, keep coming back because in the final analysis I find the gratification outweighs any negatives.

[Eric]

These are very thoughtful responses. Thank you. I suppose that it is the limitations of seeing escorts that is at the bottom of my relative ennui.... I guess I just really want a relationship now, and the excitement/thrill of escorts has gone past the "novelty" stage and isn't quite what it used to be. Maybe after time things will change, though I guess that I'd rather have that relationship that a renewed interest in meeting up with various escorts to keep things exciting. We'll see which it'll be.

[golden guy]

Very good topic.

 

Do I get tired of hiring my escort...no. However, I too am beginning to feel that way some. Maybe it is because I have seen the same escort almost 20 times this year and taken two trips together. Realizing that I might have possibly stepped over the line in restricting my escort fun to just one guy, I am a firm believer that once you find an escort (person) that meshes very well with you on both a physical and emotional level...time to stop looking.

 

Naturally, a friendship has developed, one that possibly could never progress any further because of the inherent limitations of this "business" relationship. I am very personable guy and generally enjoy the same openness with my friends, however, the befriending of this escort leaves me yearning for more. He has his escort life and his personal life and over time we have blended the two somewhat, but I know it will probably never be more than it is right now. I have found myself blazing down a new trail with limitations that are new and unfamiliar to me.

 

So am I tired of hiring this escort, yes and no.

 

No, because we both enjoy the physical enjoyment that is provided and the friendship that has developed.

Yes because my desire to expand this self-limiting friendship might not ever be realized.

[guptasa1]

I guess that's the real pickle, isn't it? Escorts are great, and when you find someone you connect with, it's a great thing. But the reality check is that it's very unlikely it can ever progress to the same level as a relationship that comes another way because it is at the foundation a business relationship...even if there is a mutual connection and even some genuine mutual fondness that develops. I'm sure in the history of escorting there have been a few exceptions to this where a client and escort became lovers, but I'm sure that's VERY rare. I'd imagine a lot of clients wish it could go to the next level (with the right guy, so would I...and I hope for genuine friendships now), BUT...at the same time, I think it's just one of those realizations one has to make - that expecting too much can be hurtful to you in the end, so just enjoy it for what it is with no expectations (but hey - you never know - maybe a surprise happens once in a while).

[sdg]

ever think you think too much!

[best hotel]

i think getting tired of an escort happens right around the time that the escort grows tired of you...or at least takes you for granted .. i suspect that it is difficult and, therefore rare, for an escort to keep up the same level of passion for a client he had seen again and again...the initial excitement of having a new regular seems to wear off and you become an old regular....how much fun is that?...to be an old, regular...a certain amount of heartbreak for the client comes with this as well...at least, that is how it has been for me...

[Guest alanm]

You enter into any "relationship" with an escort knowing that there are boundaries. That's fine up to a point, even if you see the escort many, many times. It's when you start to hit small bumps in the road (a cancelled appointment at the last minute, for example) that you are reminded that an escort is not a 'friend' with whom you can discuss the small bumps in the road as equals. It's a business thing for the escort and the client.

 

The history of good feeling that lovers or friends build up over a period of time as underpining for a relationship is not there. Lovers or friends choose each other whereas the client chooses the escort. I understand, in some occasions, escorts and clients do become good friends or even lovers. But the is not the norm, so yes it is wise to

take breaks from hiring escorts: preferably have a real relationship, at least for a while.

[best hotel]

...i agree...taking a break from a specific escort is a good idea...i also think that an escort may need a break from a client...i have noticed that after a few weeks break, often an escort will seem more invested in a client...

[BuckyXTC]

>I love the guys I have met and have even made some

>friends.... but recently I am just plain tired of seeing

>escorts. Maybe I just want more now, maybe it's just feeling

>redundant. Does anyone else ever feel this way? And is it

>permanent or just a phase?

 

This is one of the most interesting threads I have seen here in a long time.

 

Yes, I've reached the stage where I can sometimes feel weary of the whole thing. The fault is not really that of the escorts as much as it is my own. I'm into fantasy in a big way, when it comes to a session with an escort, and often what I hope for exceeds the ability of the escort to deliver. I only hire every other month or so, and the lead-up time to the appointment tends to be dicey because that's when the fantasies incubate. After the actual meeting, I sometimes feel let down because it didn't go as I had hoped.

 

At the present, I've found an escort who really knows how to meet my expectations, so I'll stick with him until I feel the need to look elsewhere. Clients, like escorts, can become a bit jaded, and things can lose the initial fire after a while. Like anything else, unless you're addicted to it, the novelty wears off and your level of interest diminishes. That said, there are still some escorts out there I'm anxious to meet.

[+ Unicorn]

Is your sex drive the same, but you're just intersted in having sex with men other than escorts, or are you just tired of sex in general? If the latter, you may want to get a check to see if your testosterone levels have fallen. If the former, I guess I'd be curious as to why someone would be interested in sex, but not in sex with escorts. Is it guilt or legal fears?

I've been living with a former escort for almost a year and a half. He escorted not because he so much wanted to, but because he was desperate not to return to his home country--and what's a guy without a work authorization to do? Anyways, I've been faithful to him, but I've never stopped wanting to hire escorts. It's not because I'm lonely, obviously, but rather because I've enjoyed it like crazy for well over a decade. I guess that's why I can't stop hanging around this message center even though I can only "admire" escorts vicariously.

The strange thing is that we've both agreed that in principle, we don't mind if the other had sex with another guy. However, we have different ideas on "the rules." The rule I would have liked is that it's OK to have sex with a guy once, but that once one has sex, one can't contact him in any manner afterwards (phone, in person, or e-mail). He doesn't like that rule, so we default to no sex outside the relationship. I would like to hire an escort, but I've had the sense it would hurt his feelings, so I don't.

Speaking from my own experience, if I ever felt I didn't want to hire an escort, I would head to my doctor's office for some blood tests.

[VaHawk]

Tire of escorts - NO Tired of clients? YES

 

I have to admit that I have been hiring escorts for only 2 years, so my observations are limited as such.

 

Am I tired of escorts? Sure in the sense that no matter how good they are, it isn't 1/2 as satisfying as encountering another man who wants to be with you, because you are you.

 

But that isn't the way of the gay lifesytle is it? Once you reach a certain age, even your peers "reject" you, because you aren't young enough because they are all living in the past when it was all about the one night physical part and their mirrors are magic ones that reflect images of how beautiful they once were. For these people, their images are perfection and all those cracks are in the glass of the mirror and not in the face of the guy peering into the glass.

 

Am I tired of escorts, ABSOULTELY NOT, as it has been my experience that they put all of the above on the backburner where it so rightfully belongs.

 

What am I tired of? Those clients who can't face REALITY and fantasise that an escort encounter is anything more than a commercial transaction that entails no more of a promise than a temprorary amelioration of life's alientations. That is all it's about, and to expect more and to come here and bitch that it wasn't more is what is TRULY TIRESOME.

[Paul Revere]

RE: Tire of escorts - NO Tired of clients? YES

 

>

>What am I tired of? Those clients who can't face REALITY and

>fantasise that an escort encounter is anything more than a

>commercial transaction that entails no more of a promise than

>a temprorary amelioration of life's alientations. That is

>all it's about, and to expect more and to come here and bitch

>that it wasn't more is what is TRULY TIRESOME.

 

VaHawk-

 

I do think that you are having your period or are off of your meds.

 

This is the second post that I have read by you today where you respond to other posts, and flame them, for points that weren't made in the original posts. Whats up with that. (The other thread was the Travis Fimmel thread. I don't give a flip about Travis Fimmel and the Tarzan show, but you went off on artistic merit, when the orignal post usimply mentioned that the show had been cancelled).

 

And here on this post, you are trashing folks who were sharing and having a serious discussion on the merits of hiring escorts over a long period of time. It had been a serious discussion about both the pros and cons of engaing escorts. The particpants are very much facing reality about the situation. We are trying to figure out the long tem value of this commercial endeavor, and if the long term effects are different than the short term benefits of a "boyfriend for and hour". That's all.

 

I, and the other posters to this thread, all know that hiring escorts is a commercial endeavor, which allows for some fulfillment of fantasies and sexual needs. The question in discussion is, does that need change over time, and does the satisfaction brought by escorts change over time.

 

It had been an intellignet and thoughtful discussion. I didn't see it as whining at all. If you have nothing to add to the discussion, just move on to another theread. There is no need to flame the earnest particiapnts on this thread.

 

I understand what hiring escorts is about, and I am happy to engage in serious discussion about longer term ramifications with others on this board. There have been many intelligent discussions on this board about why differnt clients hire, and the differnet needs and expectations of various clients.

 

There have also been silly and stupid flaming threads on this board. I usually skip them, once I realize what is going on. If you want to trash silly threads and start flame wars, OK, but please let those of us who want to engage in a serious discussion, do it in peace.

[woodlawn]

RE: Tire of escorts - NO Tired of clients? YES

 

>But that isn't the way of the gay lifesytle is it? Once you

>reach a certain age, even your peers "reject" you, because you

>aren't young enough because they are all living in the past

 

 

That is certainly true of many gay men, but hopefully not true of all. Perhaps because of the subject of this website one encounters on this board a disproportionate number of gay men who are still stuck in behavior that was more appropriate when they were much younger.

 

>What am I tired of? Those clients who can't face REALITY and

>fantasise that an escort encounter is anything more than a

>commercial transaction that entails no more of a promise than

>a temprorary amelioration of life's alientations. That is

>all it's about, and to expect more and to come here and bitch

>that it wasn't more is what is TRULY TIRESOME.

 

I'm not sure any of the people in this thread is bitching about that, exactly. Some of them seem to be saying that that is the reason they are tiring of escorts.

 

In other threads, however, I have seen clients who seem to have trouble understanding the limited nature of the escort/client transaction, as well as some escorts who try to depict it as more than it is, one assumes as a form of self-promotion.

[guptasa1]

RE: Tire of escorts - NO Tired of clients? YES

 

Part of the allure of escorting for some of us clients is to fantasize it's more than it is - key word is FANTASIZE and not get too caught up in it or expect anything more afterwards. Frankly, if I felt all I would get from an escort experience was sex...and no at least feeling of closeness and being cared about, I wouldn't be interested, and I do like to treat each experience like I would if I were with a boyfriend (though quite honestly, I would prefer a boyfriend 1,000x more - I go the escort route for now because I'm not sure when/if that's going to happen).

 

Also, aside from the fantasy portion of escorting, I'll admit I'd like to have a casual friendship with escorts (especially if I find a regular). It may not happen and I certainly don't expect it, but I don't really think it's terribly out of line to hope it might happen at some point.

 

The danger to both escort and client, in my opinion, comes when people try to turn their fantasy into reality or force some type of relationship outside of the commercial one, and that is a problem (as illustrated in the recent Ask An Escort thread talking about a dangerous situation). However, I'd imagine this only happens when the client is imbalanced to begin with, and it's sad on both parts, especially the escort's. (What I'm most surprised about in that thread isn't that a client fell for an escort - I can see that easily happening - it's the persistance and malicious intent he showed that's so surprising and scary.)

 

Anyhow, just my rambling comments. I understand that some of you feel it's foolish to fantasize it's more than it is, but for some of us, that fantasy is a major draw. I don't think there's a thing wrong with that AS LONG AS it's kept in line and checked.