Fin Fang Foom Returns to The Gaiety

[Guest Fin Fang Foom]

Last night found me with nothing particularly interesting to do. I knew what was going to happen on Big Brother 3 (no reason to sit and watch that) so I decided I would take a trip to The Gaiety and see what lads were appearing. I called my friend Mo (as in “ho-MO”) and he joined me for the 9:15 show.

 

We arrived in time to see the last two guys and then the finale. The finale is good to see because you then know if the evening is going to be a waste of time or not. Although the line-up wasn’t as stellar as the first time I went, it was worth staying around for.

 

The crowd was much better than the last time I went. The average age was probably around 46, whereas, the last time the median age was somewhere between death and decomposition. My favorite patron was Irene Ryan’s twin brother who was sitting dead center. When he left halfway through the show, he said to his friends “I’ll see you in a couple of months – if I’m still alive.” Also, I saw only one woman there so the “fish factor” was tolerable.

 

The lounge (or whatever it’s called) was FILLED with guys waiting to pounce on the ladies as they came from backstage. However, most guys stand up against the mirror, trying their best to be absorbed into the wall. It’s a fascinating dynamic to watch. But you don’t really care about this – you wanna hear about dick so let’s get started.

 

ADAM is a short 27yo blond, spiky-haired muscle pup. He came out wearing a tight black shirt with an ugly pair of gray wide-legged trousers. (Fashion Memo to Adam: if you’re short, don’t wear wide trousers – it accentuates your height) He bounces more than actually dances and has a perpetual smirk on his face. I think, for him, the choice is either a smirk or an expression of abject horror because of the front row. For the second song he came out with a 6” boner and tiny balls. He had Mr. Happy totally choked to keep him up. In fact, unless otherwise noted, EVERY SINGLE DANCER had his hardon strangled. He bounced some more around the stage. Nothing special – a totally rote performance. My bet is, in person, he’s a bit of a lady.

 

TONY PITT is well-known to most everyone. I’d guess he’s around 25. He’s very short – but not a borderline midget. He wore a white long-sleeved shirt with a new pair of jeans that weren’t faded. He actually dances, sorta, and likes to wag his ass – ALOT. The most memorable thing he did was to slap his belt onto the stage. I’m sure some were excited by this, I, however, was afraid he’d accidentally hit someone with it. For his second song he came back out with his 6” hardon but it almost immediately went down (maybe it was that front row). He’s got a great ass but his calves need work. I didn’t notice him ever give the audience a peek at his butthole. I guess wagging it is all he does. On a side note, this past spring I saw him walking up 9th Avenue, hand in hand, with some big-titted girl. He’s suppose to be “straight”, right? (Yeah, right)

 

BEN VERSACE (not his real name) is the star of the show (more on him at the end of the review). He’s probably around 25 and came out in a sailor outfit, performing to “She Bangs”. He doesn’t just dance, he’s got the number pretty much choreographed. He stripped down to a red velvet g-string (bad choice). He has a beautiful lean muscular body that isn’t a pumped up gym body (thank goodness). For his second song, he came out with his uncut 7” pointing to the sky (yes, it was choked). He gets a Fashion Violation for still wearing the black dress shoes and socks from the sailor outfit. In a word: hideous. Shaved pubes. He did lots of rolling around the stage. He’s the best, period.

 

MARCO is a 26yo who came out wearing all black and sunglasses. He has great tits and abs. He’s lean but very muscular. He has a scar from his navel to his (shaved) pubes and another small appendectomy scar. He’s very handsome and his profile reminds me of a roman statue. However, no Roman statue I’ve seen has the ugly ass sideburns he has – they’re long and narrow and thick. He came out for the second song with his 7” rock hard and straight up. He’s beautifully proportioned. He doesn’t dance so much as slink around the stage. He also has a tattoo on both deltoids and one on his back. Another mistake. He’s possibly the most handsome of the guys.

 

CODY is a blond 25yo who’s got a real South Beach thing going on. He wore a white tank top and white drawstring pants. He’s got a thick muscularity. Nice back. A very high maintenance body. His late 30’s aren’t going to be pretty. He was sweating like a whore in a church. His most common dancing “move” is to wag his hips with his arms straight out. He was either dancing or attempting to guide a plane onto The Gaiety’s stage – I wasn’t quite sure. The second song brought him out with a 6.5” hardon. He went through the motions some more. He was wearing white socks – why? His pubes were basically all gone (they must have a drum of Neet backstage). Nice looking guy going through the motions.

 

MARLON is a 26yo black guy who came out in an all white “mental patient” outfit (w/black socks, huh?) dancing to that “They Say I’m Crazy” song (or whatever the title is) they’re ALWAYS playing at my gym. He’s black, ergo, he can dance well. He stripped down to a pair of nylon flag shorts (9/11 homage?) For his second song, he entered from the audience. He was wearing a hideous black sequined raincoat. After the proper amount of time, he threw it open to reveal a HUGE 8.5” hardon - a black guy with a huge cock, what a surprise! The two most memorable things about him were that his scrotum was pieced (OUCH!) and he was able to bend over and lick the head of his cock. As a matter of fact, at one point, he turned his back to the audience, spread his legs (and ass) and then bent over and licked the head of his cock. Very impressive – for those who are impressed by that sort of thing.

 

ROBERT BALINT is a 27yo Hungarian Falcon porn star. He came out wearing a black mesh shirt and white linen jeans (another Fashion Violation). He moves well but he looks like he’d be more comfortable on a box at The Roxy. My biggest criticism of him is that he never looks at the audience – ALWAYS above it. Maybe he’s trying to avoid that front row. He came out for his second song with a 6.5” uncut hardon (this was not an evening for size queens). He got points for not having it choked, which, of course meant he lost his boner within seconds. Nice body for those who like that type but he has a flat ass – I have two words for Robert: “dead lifts”. Interestingly, although he was the “star” of the evening, he didn’t get many tips. It might’ve helped if he’d look into the audience.

 

RONNIE LaCOUER (not his real name) is a dark 27yo PR who came out wearing leather chaps, leather vest and a chain male jock – not my fashion choice for a warm September evening. He’s an energetic, although not graceful, dancer. He’s very muscular and has great tits and abs. Also handsome. However, he’s got zits on his back – time to adjust your cycle, Ronnie. For his second song, he came out with a slightly curved 8” hardon. More shaved pubes! He got points for actually jerking off a bit on stage. The guy next to me put a $10 tip out for him but surprisingly ignored Marco when he came up to him. The guy just kept looking straight ahead. And the point of that would be……………?

 

JAY is a tall attractive 33yo blonde with a beautiful lithe dancer’s body. He gets my vote for “Most Likely To Be On Amphetamines”. He came out in jeans, black beret(!) and a white wife beater. His dancing was so frenetic that he was just throwing himself all over the stage. In fact, I wrote in my notes “I thought he was going to throw himself into the audience” and looked up just in time to see him fall off the stage. It didn’t faze him a bit so he continued whirling around the stage like a man possessed. He did slow down long enough to do a very nice power move involving a handstand. At this point he had taken off the jeans and was wearing only a pair of white mesh “pant things”. They looked like something Desiree Cousteau would get fucked in back in the late 70’s. Yet another Fashion Violation! For his second song he came charging out with a 6” hardon. JAY, PLEASE STAND STILL!!! He’s obviously a trained dancer but enough already! He would be lovely to look at if he’d just calm down. He left me needing a drink – and I hate the taste of liquor.

 

VITO is a 25yo latino who wore a black cut-off T-shirt and jeans. He didn’t really dance – he kept hopping all over the stage. I needed a Dramamine by the end of his first song. He must have been studying Robert Balint because he also looked above the audience. For his second song he came out with an 8” uncut hardon, curving to the right. He doesn’t know how to move slowly – he just kinda oozes across the stage. Although he’s very lean and muscular, he’s proportioned all wrong so the parts don’t add up to a pretty whole. The guy next to me also left him a $10 tip but because Vito never looked down, he never noticed it and had to be called back onto the stage as he was leaving to retrieve it. Once again, the guy kept staring forward.

 

SEBASTIAN is a 26yo I’ve seen before. Unfortunately, since I saw him last, he hasn’t changed his hairstyle. His black hair is spiked straight up with so much mousse and spray that you couldn’t drive a nail through it. He’s another Roxy dancer wannabe. He liked using his belt as a prop – but no Tony Pitt slapping of it. For his second song, he came out with a 7” uncut hardon that went down within seconds. More shaved pubes. He just moves around the stage – no real dancing. The guy next to me left ANOTHER $10 tip and Sebastian never paid attention to the guy (but did take it, thank you very much). He’s got a nice muscular (high maintenance) body. He unfortunately has a Chinese tattoo under his left pec. Shame shame shame.

 

TONY is a 24yo blond who came out wearing a tank top, jeans and his CELLPHONE. After a bit, he threw it offstage. He stripped down (since he wasn’t dancing) to a white 2xist jock strap. He has a regular guy body and appealed to the chicken hawks in the audience. His dancing “style” was to stand there and rub his body to the music. He looked as bored as I felt. Like a couple of the other guys, he also looked above the audience. Also, his mouth was always slightly open – I remember my grandmother saying “Close your mouth before you catch a fly!” For someone who didn’t move around the stage, he certainly was sweating alot! For his second song, he came out without even attempting to get hard – it was just a little plump and I would guess it never gets above 5”. It was pretty though. Like I said, it wasn’t an evening for size queens. He teased with his ass a bit and the dirty old men seemed to like him.

 

RAY is a tall 28yo Brazilian guy who’s been reviewed here. He passed on the first song and came out buck naked – I love a man who just cuts to the chase. The first time that evening I saw him he had a hardon but the second time he was limp. When hard, he’s a nice thick 7.5”. He doesn’t dance – he just walks around the stage and poses. He has a full tattoo on his left arm. He’s very handsome and his body is very impressive, although, his arms are too short for his body. He chats with the audience when he picks up a tip and he’s very touchy feely in the lounge. Overall, he’s all that, a bag of chips and a super-size drink.

 

WHEW! That’s it ladies. I don’t know how NY Observer does this every week. You couldn’t pay me to do it weekly. Well, you could, but it would cost you alot.

 

Also, I just read what I wrote and I apologize that it’s not very funny. There weren’t enough disasters for me to riff on. I’ll try to do better next time.

 

However, a few thoughts about Ben Versace before I leave you.

 

Anyone who has seen him perform knows that he’s a PERFORMER. In fact, he’s a wonderful performer who’s very talented. It’s obvious be wants to be on stage performing for people – and NOT just as a stripper. Ben could actually have a career but it will never happen for him as long as he’s working as a whore. He might get a little job here or there but he will never have a CAREER as long as he does this, and I think that’s sad. I’m afraid he’s gotten sucked into the easy money trap and can’t quite get out. Someone needs to sit him down and have a talk with him. He could really go somewhere, but right now, the only place he’s going is straight to nowhere.

 

Forever yours,

 

FFF

[BigD]

Seems we have heard so little from you lately.

I was afraid you had checked out over the

Trent Foster brouhaha.

Since I find your critical analyses so entertaining,

glad to you are still at it.

While I havn't been to The Gaiety in at least a decade,

your review thoroughly satisfied any desire I might have

had to return.

[taylorky]

damn i like this guy..........ummmmmmmmm not in the lets pick out china and make spit babies way; but in the... he has to be a lot of fun to hang with way.

[Guest Mr Big]

FFF,

 

I personally love your candid reviews of the dancers as I have seen all of the ones mentioned this week at one time or another. I have not however seen Tony Pitt but I now know that I would be pretty disappointed by his height and overall stage presence or lack there of. Thanks for telling it like it is.

 

It was interesting to note in a previous post that someone could not believe that Tony Pitt was dancing again at the Gaiety that he was well on his way to a successful legit career in modeling, acting, etc. I cannot tell you how many of these guys think that they are going to be the next Tracy James (NOTE: even he is still a stripper after being successful in mainstream modeling/acting) but end up making poor choices because of greed I suppose?? and an overall mistrust of the people who really try and help them.

 

There is nothing sadder than seeing one of these guys with the looks and obvious talent to do better with his life but who end up stripping/escorting their way into oblivion.

 

Not sure what has happened with spikey haired Sebastian he used to be really good with the audience but as of late he looks to be extremely miserable with his chosen part-time profession except when there are ladies in the audience.

 

And we must get Ray away from that other overly tattooed Brazilian before he starts looking like a walking piece of grafitti.

[cuteathlet]

FFF--

 

Love your review. I was there the same night, but for the 6:15 show. Must meet you next time you're there (if I can figure out who you are :-)

[IamI2002]

BRAVO !! Best review yet. Sure beats the repetitive vanilla stuff we get from NYO each week. Your comments on Jay are on the nose and I posted a comment about 2 weeks ago on the LACK OF dancing, which you echoed. I did not see him fall off the stage, but am not surprised he fell.

 

Sebastian ia a bit of a prick. Get someone who knows French to listen in on his comments outside. He uses the "dumd faggots" for his $ gain and that's it. I caught this in a conversation between him and the muscular, blond, balding Canadian guy (Christian?).

 

Well done. We should read more of you!

[Guest Fin Fang Foom]

>the next Tracy

>James (NOTE: even he is still a stripper after being

>successful in mainstream modeling/acting)

 

STOP THE PRESSES!!

 

Where does Tracy James strip?

 

You certainly don't mean The Gaiety, do you? Or are you talking about SBNY/Splash Bar/Splash/Whatever it's called this year?

 

Attentively yours,

 

FFF

[+ Cock Eyed Optimist]

>My favorite patron was Irene Ryan’s twin

>brother who was sitting dead center. When he left halfway

>through the show, he said to his friends “I’ll see you in a

>couple of months – if I’m still alive.”

 

 

Mr. Foom,

 

I almost fell off my computer chair laughing when I read that comment! But then I got to wonder how many readers even know who Irene Ryan is. It would certainly date those of us who actually laughed at that comment. :7

[ValleyDwellerNorth]

>I almost fell off my computer chair laughing when I read

>that comment! But then I got to wonder how many readers

>even know who Irene Ryan is. It would certainly date those

>of us who actually laughed at that comment. :7

 

Hey CockEyed,

 

Here is a Irene Ryan link for those of you (us) that need a visual.

 

 

http://www.pcperspectives.com/hillbillies/granny.html

 

V D N

[Guest Mr Big]

FFF,

 

Tracy James is with some company based in Mamaroneck NY (?) that provides strippers for parties, etc. If you do an Internet search under his name you should be able to find it. I have a friend who went to a birthday party a year or so ago and Tracy was the stripper. There are also some of Playgirl's lesser known models who strip for the same company.

 

I agree with a couple of the other posters below (1) Your "right on the nose" reviews are more thought out and original than the usual stuff written on this site. (2) Sebastian is not the sharpest knife in the drawer if he made that comment and it was overheard by a Gaiety customer. I for one will never line his pants pocket with my hard earned US dollars.

[Guest desertdaddy]

Absolutely great review - I'll definitely stop by the Gaiety when I'm in New York. Is Marlon a regular? Do you know if he's available for "private shows"? Later... Buck

[+ Cock Eyed Optimist]

Valley Dweller,

 

Thanks! We needed that! ;-)

[ValleyDwellerNorth]

>Valley Dweller,

>

>Thanks! We needed that! ;-)

 

 

http://www.pcperspectives.com/hillbillies/S_granny.jpg