Fin Fang Foom Visits The Gaeity

[Guest Fin Fang Foom]

This weekend our beloved New York Observer didn't review The Gaiety so I decided to fill in for him - although I will not doing it the way he does.

 

This is the first time I've been to The Gaiety in at least 15 years. I remember it being very sleazy and a little creepy. Although it's not going to be featured in Architectural Digest anytime soon, it's clean and appears to be well-maintained. My only major complaint would be regarding the lighting design of the stage. Too often the dancers disappear into darkness because the entire stage isn't really lit and they move from light to light. If you're sitting in the back, it would probably give you a headache. My only other complaint is with whoever does the announcing. I don't know if it's his intention, but the guy is doing a great impression of the killer from "Play Misty For Me". I was with two friends and we were constantly trying to figure out the names of the dancers as the announcer creepily whispered the names. My apologizes if I got any names wrong.

 

(In order of appearance)

 

1. AUSTIN: Without question, the most handsome of the evening. He honestly looks like a runway model - and behaves as such. The three of us kept saying: "Oh my god, he's perfect!" However, what he was given in looks he was deprived of in stage personality. He slowly walked the stage as though it were a catwalk and blew "fashion attitude" at the crowd. He came out for the second dance with his cock (7"x5.5") rock-hard and pointing up to the ceiling. It didn't stay that way long but it was lovely while it lasted. (NOTE: When I say a cock is 7" I mean it's SEVEN INCHES not 5". Most escorts who say they have 7" really have five. A true 7" cock is a beauty to behold).

 

2. BEN: Ben is the performer of the group. He came out in a Judy Jetson silver lame-like shorts and shirt ensemble. Very cute but not something you would wear on the street on a hot night in August. Ben is obviously a dancer by training as he moves beautifully and has lots of fun with the audience. He came out for the second dance sporting a beautiful (7"x5.5") hardon. His body is pretty much perfection and Ben was the favorite of the three of us that night.

 

3. DONOVAN: He's been reviewed here so you can check out his "private" talents. When it comes to the stage, he basically has no sexual energy. He's a beautiful man but you can tell he's bored and just going through the motions. He also came out for the second dance with a hardon (7"x5") and was nice enough to play with his cock, but even that was mechanical. Like I said, he's beautiful to look at, but so is a statue.

 

4. TRISTAN: After three guys with basically zero body fat and so cut up you could almost see their vascular system, it was a little jarring to see someone come out with the hint of a middle. He wasn't fat by any means but he was a slightly thicker guy but still muscular. He wins the award for "Worst Tattoo" - on his back there's a tattoo of a woman's skull wearing a crown. Not a good choice. Also, he has a bad dye job. His dancing was standard strip joint gyrations. He came out (FINALLY) for the second dance with what was his attempt at a hardon (5.5"x5.5" - sound like a cube, doesn't it?) but it wasn't at full attention. Nice big balls. More strip joint gyrations. My feeling this guy has been doing this for a while - and it shows.

 

5. MIGUEL TORRES: Second bad dye job in a row. Another great body although a little more beefed up. This may be the Miguel that's been reviewed but not with a dye job - I can't quite tell from the picture on the site. His performance was also perfunctory He was the only dancer who kept his hardon (6.5"x5") the entire time.

 

6. GIOVANNI: He came out in a chain harness and a Ninja outfit. A great performer. Amazing muscular and cut up body. He came out for the second dance with his uncut cock (7.5"x5.5") 85% hard and swinging to the left. The crowd loved him - as well they should. Why has this guy never been reviewed as an escort?!?

 

7. TREVOR: He came out wearing a grey shirt/black pants combo that looked like something Tom Ford would wear. Very classy. Shorter guy and possibly the most "built" of the evening. His act was basically all posing. He came out for the second dance sporting a very pretty hardon (6.5"x5.5") and did lots of posing. While he was posing, I was reminded of the famous Dorothy Parker line: "For those who like that sort of thing, that's the sort of thing they like." It wasn't until he was leaving the stage that he finally gave the crowd a smile - he should do that more often.

 

8. JEREMY: This is another guy who I think has been doing this for quite a while and it shows. He bounces more than he dances and he plays with his belt alot. He came out for the second dance hard (6"x5") and bounced some more. He's muscular but not cut-up. He looks like he's a hard 24.

 

9. NIKO VALENTINE: He came out wearing a black suit, a white Panama hat and sunglasses. It looked like an outfit you'd buy off the street at 37th and 8th. He had the best music of the evening. He came out for the second dance with a big hardon (8"x6") that curves slightly to the left. He's built like a brick shit house. He looks like an A&F boy who has majorly bulked up. NOTE: For you guys into feet, M turned to me and said: "He has a pronated toe." I don't think I want to know what that means.

 

10. DAYTON: He came out in overalls and a white painter's cap turned backwards (which he never once removed - thinning hair possibly?). He has very thick black eye brows and he looks as though he could be porn star Eric Hanson's older brother. He came out for the second dance with his cock rock hard (7.5"x5.5"). His dancing "style" is to shake - ALOT. He did a couple of amazing power moves - he was obviously a gymnast in his youth. As pretty as he is, up close, he looks like rough trade.

 

11. NICK: What a tragedy. The guy has a great body but his idea of dancing is to walk on the stage as though he's walking through thick mud and his boots keep getting stuck and he has to pull them out. It was the most peculiar thing I've ever seen. Also, I don't know if he has back problems, but he certainly "dances" as though he does. He wore a tight knit cap the entire time (more thinning hair?) He came out for the second dance hard (4.5"x4.5") and although it's a very pretty cock, it's the smallest of the group. He did lots of moves that left no question in the mind of the audience whether he's a bottom or not.

 

12. RICO: To my surprise, this was the ONLY black guy of the evening and he's probably more blatino than actually "black". The tallest of the night. (It's odd, because of the height of the stage you can't quite tell how tall the guys are so when I saw them out by the "refreshments" later, I was shocked to see that none of them - except for Rico - were tall. On average, I would say their heights were 5'8") Now back to Rico - who is probably 6'1". He moves very sensually on stage and is very handsome. He came out with what was an attempt at a hardon (my guess would be he's 7"x5" when erect). Very VERY sexy man. Is he "Ricardo" that's been reviewed here?

 

13. JOHNNY: For the chicken hawks in the crowd, this was what they were waiting for. A slim guy who dances like he's at a club. He looks like the kind of guy you'd have picked up at Boy Bar on a Saturday night and then awoken the next morning to find he's left and stolen all your cash (or, at least that's what my friend M said to me - he would be more familiar with that scenario than I). He came out with a long semi-hard uncut cock (7.5"x5") that got the "ladies" all excited. He gave us all a very nice view of his hole (cue applause) and he sauntered alot. Very cute kid. I'm not into twinks but I would fuck him.

 

Well, that's it boys and girls. A couple of closing observations: My friend M, who I went with, goes there regularly and according to him, he has never seen a more beautiful group of men all in one evening. It honestly was stunning. I was surprised by the fact, with the exception of Rico, there were no black guys and very few latin ones. My friend thought it was a bunch of Canadians. (I'm moving to Canada this week.) Also, I was surprised by the crowd. I was expecting it to look like an open call for "The Burgess Meredith Story" but there were lots of guys in their 30's.

 

I have a few questions for those of you "in the know":

 

1. What's going on backstage that gets those guys hard? Is someone blowing them? The pressure to get a boner in 2 minutes and then dash on stage must be awful.

2. There's no place there for "private shows", is there?

3. Are these guys making their money only on tips? I don't think anyone got more than $12 in tips. Or are they just there to pick up "clients"?

 

Informatively yours,

 

FFF

[ted]

NYO obviously is the Gaiety expert, but as far as what I've heard from a few guys who danced there, there is a stash of pornos, straight and gay, rather than a fluffer, although some have been known to help their friends. Viagra helps a lot. The guys make their money from privates off site, and there is no back room. Some time ago there was a back room where some action could take place on site, but no more.

[Guest Thunderbuns]

Thank you FFF. Very well reported and in some aspects I think I liked your review(s) better than NYO's

 

I guess a reviewer tends to focus on what his primary sexual preferances are. The only thing I missed was that you never referred to the dancer's butts. For a rimmer extrordinaire such as myself, I live to hear the discription of those juicy glutes.

 

By not to worry - I still give you a passing mark and then some :-)

 

Thunderbuns

[Guest Fin Fang Foom]

>The only thing I missed was that you never

>referred to the dancer's butts. For a rimmer extrordinaire

>such as myself, I live to hear the discription of those

>juicy glutes.

 

WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?!?!?!

 

I'm at a loss as to why I made no mention of the hinies.

 

With the exception of Twink Johnny and Tristan, it was the most amazing parade of asses I've seen at one time in one place. Well, on second thought, there WAS that pool party in The Pines with all those dancers, but they had their swimsuits on......

 

Back to the asses: they were big, meaty and high and several of them had a light dusting of blond hair that shined in the, otherwise bad, lighting. They all seemed to have shaved their holes. It was especially nice how they would bend over to get their tips in such a way that they'd "wink" at you. This practice made M moan several times in tormented pleasure.

 

ALSO, I forgot to mention that not a single one of them had any chest hair. What was THAT about? For the most part, they all looked like they walked right off the set of a Falcon shoot.

 

Ah youth.

 

Nostalgically yours,

 

FFF

[Guest Stan]

I liked your report FFF. Maybe you should post it along with NYO's whenever you get a chance to give us a different perpective. It'd be interesting to compare..

 

Make no mistake, though; Donovan is the sexiest most sensual man I've had the good fortune of being with. And this comes from a high authority in male beauty

[NY Observer]

Thanks for your good work FFF, enjoyable read. The week I'm gone is this coming weekend, so you'll have to do it all over again this week, sorry you misunderstood me (just kidding, but I did do a review this week)

 

I've always maintained that we all see different things in the show. It's fun to hear a variety of opinions, not just mine

 

Thanks again.

NYO

[+ Lucky]

What a relief! I saw NYO at the G on Friday night in his usual spot. SO I wondered when it was said that he wouldn't be writing a review!

Foom has a different view to offer, but NYO is the dean of the press corp. If we get the show from enough perspectives, we can just stay home and enjoy it vicariously.

BTW, the two women at Friday night's show were very well-behaved. The same can't be said of NYO's friends in the first row. They left their seats unattended for long periods, careful to leave their coats on them. And a couple of them didn't tip at all!

[Guest Fin Fang Foom]

>Thanks for your good work FFF, enjoyable read. The week I'm

>gone is this coming weekend, so you'll have to do it all

>over again this week, sorry you misunderstood me (just

>kidding, but I did do a review this week)

 

When I saw that you reviewed the show in this morning's post, I winced. I thought you were away for this past weekend - oops. I was actually hesitant about doing it since The Gaiety is your baby and I didn't want it to appear that I was trying to horn in on your great reviews. I thought I would do it as a goof. I appreciate you not being pissed.

 

Since you're with us right now, what's up with the announcer? He's got that creepy whisper voice and you can barely understand what he's saying. The Gaiety's PA system is second only to the subway's. Also, when my friends and I were standing in the "lounge" waiting to see the lads come out, they didn't hang around - they basically marched in formation right out the door. Only two guys stopped to talk to anyone. I thought that was a little odd since the whole point of them being there is to "get work". And one MORE thing: is Denise the woman who takes your money at the door?

 

Gratefully yours,

 

FFF

[Guest DickHo]

I loved your review. Brava!

[Guest Fin Fang Foom]

>BTW, the two women at Friday night's show were very well-behaved.

 

I guess you didn't get a very good look at those "ladies" - they were TRANNIES! (That is if you're talking about the two women who came in half-way through the 9:30 show on Friday night. They were sitting on the right of the stage if you're facing it.)

 

 

>The same can't be said of NYO's friends in the

>first row. They left their seats unattended for long

>periods, careful to leave their coats on them. And a couple

>of them didn't tip at all!

 

Did you see that one guy have a fit when he came back and some guy was sitting in his seat on the left side of the front row? I thought we were going to have to call in the hall monitor to stop the scene.

 

Observantly yours,

 

FFF

[+ Lucky]

These were real girls, at the 6:15 show. I saw them up close in the lounge.

At one point, five of the front row seats were occupied only by jackets. No wonder the dancers didn't get more than $12 in tips!

The seat next to NYO was also occupied by a jacket for a long time. NYO, however, stayed seated and tipped frequently!

[hiJinX]

>

>Since you're with us right now, what's up with the

>announcer? He's got that creepy whisper voice and you can

>barely understand what he's saying. The Gaiety's PA system

>is second only to the subway's.

 

Weird thing is there are at least 3 different DJs (of reasonable cuteness, I find one hot in a kind of sleazy "I'd service him in the control booth" way) and they all use that same voice. Must be a conspiracy.

 

> And one MORE thing: is Denise the woman who takes your money at the door?

 

There are 2 women that do that, they have the same red hair though. One of them must be Denise.

 

HiJinX

[NY Observer]

FFF,

NO problem whatsoever about you (or anyone) writing their thoughts about the show. We all have different perspectives and I like hearing about them either here or by email. I am definitely not the only one with an opinion and I certainly have my preferences.

 

As for the women, the two at the 6:15 show are always well-behaved and try to maintain a low profile. I don't know who was at the 9:15 show.

 

The folks in the front row who left their seats unoccupied most of the night are acquaintances, more so than friends. One of them actually asked me if I was going to be upset if he left his seat unattended for a while. I told him my thoughts, but it obviously didn't register.

 

The seat next to me was occupied on and off all night. One guy left his coat there and went off to the lounge (once he found out that there was a lounge).

 

Yes, I was very well behaved. I try to stay in my seat for pretty much the whole show, even when it's a performer I don't particularly enjoy. Of course, I occassionally have to get up for some of that delicious punch or those yummy breadsticks.

 

I will be away THIS weekend, so there is no review this week. I welcome all comments and thoughts. Would definitely like to hear people's opinions of the show.

 

Hugs,

NYO

[Guest Sports]

Thanks for the very informative and entertaining review of the Gaiety. I particularly enjoyed your description of Nicky. "NICK: What a tragedy." Oh and thank you for not complaining about how people tip or where they sit or what they say. It was enjoyable to read a review where the dancers were reviewed and not the audience or the restuarant where the reviewer ate. Thank you so much Fin Fang Foom.

What is a pronated toe?

[Guest Stan]

FFF, reviewing the Gaiety dancers is nobody's exclusive domain. Please don't hesitate to post reviews whenever you go there, whether or not the "official" NYO review was posted. I like NYO's reviews for their accuracy and attention to details (even when the details pertain to something I don't particularly want to read about such as audience behaviour), but I also enjoyed your dry humor and sarcastic remarks (e.g. Nick's review. Priceless!), which was a refreshing change from NYO's "sanitized" version.

 

I wouldn't mind reading your review -along with NYO's- every week.