What Went Wrong In This Situation?

[Scorpio]

I apologize for the length of this post, but I felt it necessary to set the stage in order to elicit some meaningful responses.

 

I was traveling to a nearby city in my state on business during the summer and scheduled an appointment with an escort. We met had dinner and "dessert". We both seemed to have a good time and genuinely enjoy each other's company during our three hours together. In fact before he left, the escort said "let me know next time you're going to be in town and I'll rearrange my schedule in order to be able to see you." I was flattered and took the comment as genuine, as I can usually detect insincerity (i.e., bullsh**).

 

I contacted him again about two weeks later and suggested a meeting about four weeks in the future, when I was going to be in town again on business. I was anxious to see him again (and had hoped to see him on a regular basis) so I ended up moving the meeting up by two weeks. By all accounts, we had an even better time together the second time around. The escort even made the comment that the next time I was in town that he would like for us to spend an afternoon together so he could show me around his city (which I'm unfamiliar with) free of charge. Again, I was flattered and took the offer as genuine, because it was already evident that I wanted to be a regular client of his even without the offer. Therefore, I could see no purpose on his part for making an insincere offer. And although we never discussed it, I assumed that the offer only extended to his tour guide services and not to any more intimate activities.

 

Fast forward about six weeks, I contact the escort again to let him know that I would be returning to his city the following week on business and asked if his offer was still available, if so I would arrange to arrive in town a day in advance so we could spend the afternoon together as he had suggested. I received a prompt reply stating that he would love to see me again and yes the offer was still open, but that he was heading out of town due to a family tragedy. I sent a reply offering my condolences.

 

Since the escort and I both use AOL mail, it is easy to determine when or if an email has been read. So about ten days later, I was cleaning up my mailbox and checked the status of my last email to this escort and found he had deleted it a few days earlier without reading it. At first, I gave him the benefit of the doubt assuming that due to his family tragedy he just deleted all email in his inbox because he didn't want to deal with it. However, I was genuinely concerned about him and his family so over the next three weeks I sent two other follow-up emails just to check on him. According AOL records, these emails were not read or deleted, so I assumed that he was still out of town and unable to correspond or there was a technical problem.

 

At this point, I'm genuinely concerned because I also haven't noticed him pop up on my AOL buddy list in over a month. Then one day about two weeks ago, I signed onto AOL while I was at work to check my email, and I noticed he was online. Since I was at work and didn't have time to chat, I didn't send him an instant message but I was relieved that apparently he was okay. And I assumed that he would get around to reading and replying to my last two emails soon.

 

However, another week went by and still no response from him. In fact, he still hadn't read those emails nor had he deleted them either…which I thought was strange. At this point, I began to wonder if for some reason he is just ignoring me so I contacted him from an alternate AOL screen name as sort of a test. While he did not respond to that email from my alternate AOL account, the escort did read it so it is apparent that he was specifically ignoring me. Problem is I not sure why and he's not saying.

 

I don't think I was being intrusive nor was I trying to make him my pen pal. I only contacted him when I was specifically trying to schedule an appointment. I completely understood the professional nature of our relationship so I don't think I gave him any reason to think I was unduly attached to him. I only contacted him more frequently after his family tragedy to ensure he was all right and offer my assistance if needed; and I explained this to him in the last email I sent from my alternate AOL screen name, which I know he at least opened even if he did not read it. I even stated what my understanding of his tour guide offer and that I had no problem if he wanted to rescind it. And I stated that I had hoped to continue the professional relationship on a regular basis (if not monthly then at least bi-monthly.)

 

So gentleman, any sage advice as to what went wrong in this situation? Did I cross a line somewhere that I didn't realize? There are plenty of other escorts out there; but I thought this one was a keeper, so I'm still a little disappointed that I won't be seeing him again. And why would an escort make statements he has no intention of following through on? I could understand if an escort was trying to hustle a client, but when a hustle isn't necessary why all the bullsh**?

:-(

[Guest Kenny]

In my humble opinion, you did nothing wrong. For whatever the reason, he is not responding to you. You can rack your brain from here to eternity for a reason but only he knows what it is. It could be ANYTHING.He could be trying to get over the family emergency that recently happened....Who knows. My suggestion is to forget about him and continue with your life. If he every contacts you in the future, ask him what was going on with him but I would not re-contact him under ANY NAME. As they say, many fish in the ocean but they mostly all swim the same way.

[Guest LG320126]

Copy and paste your posting here in an e-mail to him and see if he has a reply. If no reply, forget about it.

[Guest LOVEHANDLE]

Dude,

 

Sorry for you but I think you were expecting too much from the escort. I have the same problem, I get attached too easily to people whom I get intimate with (be they be paid or not for their services) on a regular basis and assume that the relationship is cemented with the constant meeting: I am always wrong! These people have their lives to live and I happen to be not in it. To them, this is business, and once its done, it's over. I suggest you move on, that is the only best thing you can do for yourself.

[Guest exFratBoy]

>In my humble opinion, you did nothing wrong. For whatever

>the reason, he is not responding to you. You can rack your

>brain from here to eternity for a reason but only he knows

>what it is. It could be ANYTHING.He could be trying to get

>over the family emergency that recently happened....Who

>knows. My suggestion is to forget about him and continue

>with your life. If he every contacts you in the future, ask

>him what was going on with him but I would not re-contact

>him under ANY NAME. As they say, many fish in the ocean but

>they mostly all swim the same way.

 

I'd have to agree. Think about how often people who are not paying to have sex with each other break up and one party has absolutely no idea why the other one dumped them. (Or how many times your female friends have met a guy they really dig and they spend a month trying to figure out why he never called them.)

And this is someone you had a business relationship with, not someone who was your boyfriend.

Move on.

[Scorpio]

Thanks for the responses gentlemen. For the most part, I agree and am moving on...I just needed to vent.

 

Kenny, you're right there are other fish in the sea. This one just happened to swim exactly the way I like it. :9

 

exFratBoy and Lovehandle, I agree that this is a business relationship, which I pointed out in my original post. I never wanted anything differently. It was the escort that I thought might be blurring the lines with his offer of certain free services. However, it was a business relationship I wanted to continue and until last week I thought the escort did as well, that is until I realized he was deliberately ignoring my emails. So of course I'm moving on, but still curious what ended the business relationship.

 

Thanks again!

[Guest Esc_Tracker]

See my post on a similar thread in the Lounge under e-mail manners. It should have been posted here, but I got confused. :-(

[+ deej]

>This one just happened to swim exactly the way I like it

 

I sympathize. I've got a very similar situation with one of my favorites.

 

That just means it's time to find more favorites. I gonna have fun hunting too. }>

[Guest alanm]

You have received great advice. You just probably moved too quickly

and thought there was more to the relationship than there ever was.

In retrospect, after he didn't respond to your second e-mail you should have stopped then. But, I understand he had given you strong signals to proceed. Chalk it up to experience. After all, he never even gave you his phone number. There are a lot a great escorts out there, so it's not a big loss.

[Scorpio]

>After all, he never even gave you his phone number.

 

Actually, I do have his phone number. I just prefer email. I was going to phone but have decided not to...especially now.

 

Thanks again for the advice and support.

[CT Dick]

> I agree that this is a business

>relationship, which I pointed out in my original post. I

>never wanted anything differently.

 

Your mind says one thing and you dick/heart says something else. No matter how careful we are about keeping these relationships "professional," it is hard not to get involved emotionally. He was extraordinarily open to you and invited more than the usual intimacy.

 

You're a big boy and you'll get over it. Writing that original post was your own admission to yourself that he's history.

 

Sorry.

 

Dick

[phage]

While I don’t think you did anything “wrong” and I, myself, am way too attached to my regular, I find it’s best to assume that almost anything an escort says is “part of the job.” Whenever an escort has made an offer that is out of the realm of business, I always turn it around and tell them that I would love to any time THEY call ME. I have yet to have a guy follow up on his offer. I realize that wouldn’t have worked very well in your situation, but you could have made a date and then waited to see if he would offer more.

 

I did have a particularly sweet guy follow up with an email stating that I had given him too much money (this was after tipping him well on three occasions) and the next one was “on the house.” I told him that I would never be comfortable contacting him for a freebee but he could just extend the next session. It worked out very well. The next time he came over, he stayed for three fun hours for the regular hourly fee.

 

That reminds me…I gotta call that boy…:9

[Scorpio]

>Whenever an escort has made an offer that is out of

>the realm of business, I always turn it around and tell them

>that I would love to any time THEY call ME. I have yet to

>have a guy follow up on his offer.

 

Thanks for your point of view. I'll certainly keep it in mind if this should ever happen again.

 

>I realize that wouldn’t

>have worked very well in your situation, but you could have

>made a date and then waited to see if he would offer more.

 

I did try to make the date, but he was unavailable. And further attempts to follow up have been ignored. Oh well, you win some you lose some. Now it's time to find a new guy.}>

[Guest Merlin]

Is it possible that he feels underpaid? Has he found clients who pay more and/or expect less? If you wish to continue, you might consider offering him more and see how he responds.

[Guest Tampa Yankee]

Scorpio.

 

A possibiility that circumstances arising from the 'trip home' caused him to drop his escorting activities altogether or for a period of time? That doesn't adequately explain why he did not respond to your emails but that trip seems a demarcation in your relationship. If not it seems clear that he is avoiding you and you'll probably never know why since he won't respond.

[Scorpio]

Merlin, thank you for your comments; but they don't really apply to this particular situation. I've always paid his requested hourly rate for the time we spent together and not expected anything from him other than what we contracted for in advance. In fact, the first time we were together I paid him the agreed upon amount, but he returned part of the fee because he chose not to charge for the time we spent at dinner. And in general, I don't negotiate with escorts...I either pay what they ask or find another escort.

 

The last time he and I were together he asked if I had seen this or that sight in his city to which I responded no, so he made an unsolicited offer to show me around next I was in the area free of charge. And he repeated that offer three times while we're togehter. So the last time I was going to be in his city I let him know and inquired about his availbility. He responded that he wasn't available due to a family emergency so we never did discuss details. However, I don't think it was an unrealistic expectation on my part to have made the initial contact about his offer. I simply let him know that I was going to be in town. Nor would I hold it against him if had simply chosen to rescind the offer, because in my mind our original arrangement suited me just fine.

 

The only thing about situation that has troubled me is that fact that he has ignored my subsequent efforts to contact him. So it would definitely be hard to offer him more of an incentive to continue our meetings, since he is not even reading my emails.:-(

[Scorpio]

TY,

 

I had considered the fact that he retired from escorting until the day I saw him logged into AOL under his escort name for an extended period of time. So he is still escorting but is chosing to ignore me specifically. Although I won't lose any sleep over this, my tenacious nature is and will remain curious as to WHY.

 

Thanks again guys for all the input, but now I'm moving on and will be concentrating on my other favorites :7 :9 :-), which should keep me sufficiently occupied. ;-)

[Guest roninx]

I had something similar happen to me. I had been seeing this escort for almost 1 year off and on. We seemed to really get along, same interests, etc. Talked a lot. He seemed very nice, friendly and sincere.

 

The last time a saw him was about 3 months ago. At that time he was moving to a new apt (which he got in part due to my help--rent stabilized).

 

He said he would email once he settled in and I could see his new place. I emailed him once to see how the move went and he said he would call me soon.

 

Fast forward almost 3 months nothing. I've seen him on a "hook-up" site once but I figured if he really wanted to talk to me he would have so I didn't say anything.

 

At first what really bothered me was the fact that he seemed so sincere. If he had been like a regular escort fine but he seemed to really enjoy my company (maybe I was just projecting).

 

Anyway, I have simply moved on. After all this is a business and maybe it was all an "act". What else can you do but move on.

[Guest Tampa Yankee]

Here is a possibility gentlemen...

 

Some escorts occasionally attract a few admirers that go overboard. Now, these are not stalkers in the terrible sense but clients who get involved a little too much and in essence become 'needy' in establishing a relationship that goes way beyond the standard one. Imagine an escort trying to accomodate a nice guy who is a 'good customer' who goes overboard. I'm told that over time this can become a very draining experience, balancing the situation of not wanting to hurt feelings, nor mislead the client, nor lose a customer who is a nice and reliable guy. Unless the client recitifies his position, this eventually leads to the escort terminating contact and of course makes them sensitive to this kind of situation. So the escort reactd by cutting other ties, seemingly out of the blue, that may seem to be leading beyond the standard relationship. It's an hypothesis based on fact, whether it actually applies in these two cases....

[Guest Tampa Yankee]

Point of clarification in the previous post...

 

So the escort reactd by cutting other ties (to Scorpio or to roninx), seemingly out of the blue, that may seem to be leading beyond the standard relationship.

[+ Unicorn]

>Some escorts occasionally attract a few admirers that go

>overboard. Now, these are not stalkers in the terrible

>sense but clients who get involved a little too much and in

>essence become 'needy' in establishing a relationship that

>goes way beyond the standard one. Imagine an escort trying

>to accomodate a nice guy who is a 'good customer' who goes

>overboard.

 

I can't agree that the problem might be that the original poster (Scorpio) went overboard. The escort made the offer out of the blue, and if he didn't want to, he wouldn't have made it. Anybody has the option of changing his mind, as the escort obviously has.

The problem is that instead of writing back to Scorpio and saying "I'm sorry, but my situation has changed, and I'm no longer in a position to give you a free tour of town," he just blew him off. After this, depending on the escort's circumstances, he could follow the explanation by either "I want to thank you for the good times we had, but I would feel more comfortable no longer escorting for you at this time," or "I hope you can understand. I still enjoy being with you, and hope we can still get together on a professional basis," or by nothing.

To be blunt, I must say that simply deleting or ignoring Scorpio's e-mails is very rude. Doing this was clearly going to leave Scorpio confused and upset. Failiure to send so much as a one-sentence explanation sends the messge that Scorpio's feelings aren't even worth a minute of his time. If he wanted Scorpio to lay off, he could have done this in a manner more considerate to Scorpio's feelings, especially when it was the escort who came up with the offer.

Now I know that many people do this all the time, not just escorts. Especially when one has only gone out once or twice, people sometimes just don't return telephone calls instead of saying "I had a good time, but I don't think it's going to work out." Ignoring an e-mail, though, is rude since it's totally non-confrontational, unlike a phone call where there could be an argument.

In the grand scheme of things, this is no big deal. The escort was rude and renegged on his offer without an explanation. I just don't like to see the implication, though, that Scorpio may have been "asking for it."

[adriano46]

Scorpio and Tampa,

 

Tampa, I agree with you about 90%. I hope you forgive, then the long posting here.

 

Many of us who are regular clients and who have been around know that a good part of the personality of an escort is based on his ability to act, and act well. He shows up at a strange door (be it an hotel room, airport exit area, private residence or wherever), and it is "Lights, camera, ACTION!" as soon as he knocks.

 

I imagine that an escort standing at that door (for the umpteenth time in a drap, dingy, anonymous hotel corridor) feels like the unfortunate contestant being asked "Guess what's behind door #1?" or something to that effect waiting for the door to open.

 

["Will he be old, or young? Will he be fat, thin, muscular, flabby, hairy, bald? Will he be kind or abusive? Will he be drunk, sober, in between, partying? Will he be a weepy whiner, macho bullshit artist, queeny dowager, straight-acting Marlboro Man? Will he have brushed his teeth and washed himself, or smell like last week's garbage? Will he be handsome, plain, ugly, grotesque?"]

 

Again like a true good actor, even when the house is not full, or there is an hostile audience, or he is not feeling 100%, "The show must go on!" and so, rather than receive the scourge of a "no show" or "negative" review which could somehow affect his business, he rushes he, swallows his pride (and perhaps his dinner), plasters a huge toothy smile on his face, hugs and kisses the guy, strips, jumps on the bed, moans, talks dirty, role plays, sucks, kisses, cuddles... you get the idea... And if his biological parts somehow can get their act together too... oops! He cums! And the AUDIENCE reacts and CUMS too, and all of a sudden we have a star! And this takes place generally in a one-act (one-hour) play.

 

I am writing all this not to demean the escort at all, but to sympathize with him.

 

At the room (read...stage) door, as the escort is about to leave, he is handed his fee (like a bouquet of flowers), and let's also admit too, that often the client, now in the afterglow of all this action in 60 or so minutes is slightly riddled with some self-doubt, confusion or even remorse at hiring an escort (and seeing a few hundred $$$ parting from his wallet). He is often most vulnerable at this point psychologically - and escorts appartently KNOW THIS. So, they tell the guy, "Yeah, you were great, really hot! Man, the earth really moved for me." "Hey you are terrific, and I don't see why you have to hire guys, you stud!" etc... and promise him more of the same "Next time you are in town!" (hoping that the percentages of repeats will not occur in this case).

 

Again, the slight deception, the exaggerated praise, the good wishes are all part of the act IMHO and we clients sometimes fall right into the trap and think, "Hey, this guy who really turned my buttons on really likes me!" - and next we are dreaming of setting up house.

 

I have been accused by a few individuals of falling into this self-delusionary parttern often enough, and in the past I did (but underline, IN THE PAST). I was often left in the afterglow of the moment waiting for that next e-mail or phone call("Hey, how are you doing?") and the promise of more of the same.

 

On the other side, I have hoped once in a while that I did strike a nice balance with a guy, and there was been an understanding (perhaps even the beginning of a friendship) which has grown, and which does not now depend on any sex, or paid meetings.

 

We clients have to keep telling ourselves that as long as money departs from our pockets for any social engagement with the escort, we are hiring, and the escort, for his part of the contract, is performing. I hope this does not make me sound like some of the posters who appear to be so inflammatory against escorts (or self-hating). I like escorts, and like meeting new ones, and enjoy the whole scene (within limits).

[Guest Tampa Yankee]

>

>I can't agree that the problem might be that the original

>poster (Scorpio) went overboard. ....... I just don't like to see the

>implication, though, that Scorpio may have been "asking for it."

 

Unicorn,

 

It seems my attempt to clarify my post failed... Let me try one more time --

 

I was NOT my intent to imply that Scorpio (or roninx) went overboard. Rather, it is my hypothesis that Scorpio was the unfortunate 'bystander' caught up in the escort's attempt to restore an acceptable level of comfort in his business relationships. Simply put, in clearing his accounts of a troublesome client, the escort also chose to 'clear' those accounts that went beyond the standard business routine, trying to avoid the same trouble down the road. In essence, the escort threw out the baby with the bath water. I think it was an unfortunate overreaction on his part, and his failure to respond to Scorpio was also unfortunate and inappropriate. This is just an hypothesis, based on circumstances that do occur occasionally in the business, to explain the observations presented by Scorpio. Is it what happened? The only one who knows isn't responding to email.

[Will]

When this thread originally went up a few weeks ago, I had some thoughts about it. But within a few days anything I could have said was already said, better, by TY or some other wise man who hangs out here. Adriano is one of them.

 

In this case, however, I think we need to put aside the sort of middle-aged navel-gazing that often accompanies the "what-went-wrong?" syndrome with escorts. I've been there myself. While I don't by any means claim that my reflections on this subject are definitive, I do think, perhaps immodestly, that they may provide a little salt to Adriano's meliorating -- meliorating for the escort, that is -- argument.

 

First, precisely because escorting is a "business," nobody we talk about on M4M is forced into it. This is not white slavery or some seedy bordello in Bombay. And while I, for one, cannot imagine how awful it must be to stand on the outside of a hotel door, wondering what was waiting on the other side, there are also a whole lot of professions I would never enter. I wouldn't jump out of airplanes for a living, or rush into burning buildings, or even, for that matter, sell used cars. But those who do have obligations that attend their chosen work or job. And part of that, a big part, in fact, has to do with professional behavior.

 

Second, I myself am in one of the so-called "helping" professions. Thus, it is my job -- I get paid to do this -- to sit quietly and listen as intently as I can to any number of people every day. That listening entails my taking everything they say as seriously as they take it, asking questions that will help them get further into whatever it is that's bothering them, and then helping them learn to imagine how things could be different even if they aren't. I have to support, to encourage, to affirm, sometimes to chasten and even scold. I have to smile, to laugh, to respond in every way possible to those people, whether I feel like it or not?

 

Does that make me an actor? No, but it makes me very good at my profession.

 

It is also true, however, that I chose this profession. In fact, I love this profession. I love doing these things, even though on occasion I feel drained, tired, and unappreciated. It is also true that I genuinely like most of my clients as human beings; some of them are even extremely attractive.

 

However, I do not include them in my personal life. Sometimes they wish me to, and over the years I have in fact become friends with many of them. But that was my choice as much as theirs.

 

So too for the escort. He is not some hapless youth who is a victim of evil, vicious, dirty old men; he's there because he choses to be there. However bizarre it may seem, he also belongs to one of the "helping" professions; and that is why he has to pay attention as though it were the only thing on his mind. He also has the right, I think, to include his clients in his personal life if he choses.

 

But he does NOT have the right -- ever, or for whatever reason -- to treat a client in the manner that gave rise to this thread in the first place. Unfortunately, there is no training for escorts. And many of these boys do it because they like the attention as much as the money and there are enough fools with hard dicks and deep pockets out there to make these cutie-pies think they can behave any way they wish, with impunity. Well, I say, move on but tell the escort how abominable his behavior was before you do it. After all, even the Duchess of Windsor, probably the twentieth century's most successful hooker, had to learn her lesson in the end.

[+ Unicorn]

>But he does NOT have the right -- ever, or for whatever

>reason -- to treat a client in the manner that gave rise to

>this thread in the first place. Unfortunately, there is no

>training for escorts. And many of these boys do it because

>they like the attention as much as the money and there are

>enough fools with hard dicks and deep pockets out there to

>make these cutie-pies think they can behave any way they

>wish, with impunity.

 

I agree 100%. I would also add that some escorts get into their line of work because their poor social skills or narcissistic personality makes it difficult to hold down most regular jobs. It's one of the few jobs where you can be "your own boss" and not have to care what anybody else thinks, without any special training, and with minimal investment. Whatever his reasons, Scorpio, the escort treated you rudely. It was nothing you did. I think that accepting that fact will help you move on.