For Escorts only. Please help me understand!

[Guest pay4tops]

This may be a bit lengthy, but I'm determined to understand what has transpired while protecting identites (at least for now. I'd hate ANYONE to go through what I've gone through in the last month!) etc., and need help from escorts to do so. I have met, and reviewed many escorts on this site (you can do a search under this name), and have had a great time, and met some really wonderful people. I have NEVER submitted a negative review. Luckily, I seem to have a natural sense of what will work, and what doesn't. Although I've been wrong a few times, I'm the sort of person that if I don't have something positive to say, I'll just usually shut up. I don't have a vendetta, I am just trying to work through a tough situation.

I met an escort last year, that after our second encounter (which was for three days), I was truly crazy about (I fully realize I broke the "rules" here). I tried to stop communication with him, and shared what was going on in my mind and heart, but he was very insistent that that wasn't what he wanted. We came to an agreement in the spring that I would send him a monthly stipend, and agreed on a day rate when I saw him that was very reasonable. But, it was an AGREED on amount. He had lots of input in the decision making here. I saw him the last week of May, and realized after I got home that sadly, I couldn't continue being another commodity in his life. He never made any promises. I don't want to sound like a victim here. I am just trying to understand. I had helped him with some webpage issues, and he shared much about his life and clients with me. He is actually 43, although his advertised age is much lower (not unusual I guess, just something else we shared. We are only 23 months apart in age) I also was an ear during a recent break up with a lover of his. During the development of his webpage, it wasn't unusual to get paged or messages from him three or more days a week, and I always responded at the first possible moment. I even wrote a couple of pages on his website for him. I did all of this willingly, and have no regrets. But, this added another attachment for us in the relationship. It wasn't just "Call, make an appointment, have an hour Yahoo, and go on."

What I am confused about is how he reacted to me when I told him I couldn't go on in our current arrangement. We had plans for a rendevous in September that I wanted to keep on the books, sort of a last fling. I NEVER assumed he cared for me as much as I did him. And he confirmed that when he took me to the airport when I saw him last and said "I really thought I would be glad to see you go, but I am not". I offered to continue to support him in all ways except a financial one, and become friends. I made it very clear I didn't expect to have any physical contact with him, but really wanted to be in his life. Now, I would have been able to take something like "I am so busy (and he is), I just don't have time. Thanks for the Good times and Gifts, and if you are ever out this way again, give me a call." But, what I got was SO viscious and hateful, I'm just left a bit dumbfounded. It was something like "I hope you enjoy whoever you HAVE to contract with to spend time with you, and STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE!"

I am just wondering if this is typical for a client that has spent over $10K in cash and prizes with an escort in less than a year. I realize I probably hurt his ego, and maybe his feelings. But I would think there should have been some professionalism, even on the exit, so to speak. I've vented enough, any feedback Escorts could provide me would be both appreciated and helpful in working through this though. Thanks!

[Guest Esc_Tracker]

Ok, I am not an escort and will not pretend to be able to get into the guy's head. But I really feel that two peripheral issues should be spelled out here.

 

1. You do not have grounds for writing a bad review unless he gave you a bad time before you terminated your business relationship.

 

2. Had you warned him ahead of time that this would be your last fling or did you spring that on him at the end of your time together? If the latter, then I would have to say your behaviour was rather boorish. Can you just imagine how your doctor would feel if, as you left recovery room you said "Thanks for the op, Doc. Love to see you on the links in future, but I guess I will have my surgery done by someone else from now on."? His might not have been the most gracious of responses, but I think there would be grounds for mutual apologies all round.

 

Of course, if you had told him before coming that this would be the last time you would see him as a client, then item 2 doesn't apply and you have *my* apologies instead. :-/

 

Esc-Tracker

[Guest DCescortBOY]

well, for what it is worth, here's an escort's point of view....

 

1) you acknowledged that you broke the rules in getting attached. you should realize that your feelings would naturally be MORE wounded from his rudeness than from some average miscellaneous person.

 

2) by attempting to buy your way into his life (the stipend), you broke the rules again, and set yourself up to have him take advantage of you.

 

3) you say you could have handled it if he had reacted with "XYZ." unfortunately, we never get to determine someone else's actions. often we're left wishing someone said something he didn't, or regretting something he did say.

 

4) his words were unacceptable regardless of how much you'd paid.

[Boston Guy]

I'm not an escort either. But I'm sorry you had this experience.

 

Two things occur to me:

 

1. You really can't buy friends. And when you try to do so, you end up with a situation so convoluted by the money that it's likely to blow up somehow.

 

2. This guy sounds like he lacks compassion and empathy. From an objective point of view, I think you are lucky to have gotten him out of your life having spent only $10K.

 

You sound like a pretty good guy. If you are looking for more than a fling, you're probably going to have more fun and find more satisfaction dating other guys than hiring them.

 

Good luck.

[Guest DJPerez]

Here's one masseur's obsevations:

 

I agree with the others above and yourself that you strayed beyond the "rules of the game" by getting emotionally invested in the escort. It's surely a setup for possible failure, because creating the idea of a "real" relationship makes it too easy to deny the financial underpinnings of the arrangement.

 

It also sounds like there was some blurring of boundaries on the part of the escort, particularly if he was allowing you to support him emotionally over the break-up with his boyfriend. He may have found himself enjoying the attention and comfort of a willing ear, while at the same time struggling with his need to keep his eye on the bottom line. There might also be issues of economic support tied into the relationship with his boyfriend that you stirred up by your explaining your need to end the financial support you were giving him.

 

This only a conjecture of what might have been going on in his head. He's dumped by a boyfriend, then gets "dumped" by his steady client who offers up more than his privates for servicing. I can get how he might react the way he did, to shield himself from futher pain. This is the interpretation that gives him the benefit of the doubt about being a decent person.

 

The other scenario, which isn't as pretty, has been alluded to: That you were merely strung along for the stipend, and that he created the "lad in distess" fantasy to plug into your need to help, and to keep the cash flowing. When you closed the "bank", he decided to show true colors in a very unpleasing way.

 

Which one is true? Both? Neither? Some part of each? I can't say from the outside. What I can suggest is that if you can learn from the experience for the future, then maybe you can frame your arrangements with escorts so that you don't have to go though that again. I wish you well with future experiences.

 

Peace & Pleasure!

 

DJP

[Bilbo]

It sounds to me, forcibly retired escort, that y'all had actually turned this into something else, like a kept boy or mistress. As the old saying goes, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." That statement got started saying at a time when men were taught to surpress their feelings or it might have been worded differently. Rejected mistresses don't all go quietly into the night (Do any of them, really?) singing "Another Suitcase, Another Hall" like in Evita.

 

Ultimately, since you won't know what his side of it is, unless you see him again which seems unlikely, what might be best for you to do is to create for yourself reasons for his actions which are flattering and soothing for yourself and decide to believe that those were the real reasons. If you have trouble doing this by yourself, you might hire a Sacred Intimate who could help you write a scenario of a different way the breakup went and then help you act it out, starring the Intimate as the escort and you as you. Then you could substitute the memory of the play scene for the real memory. Provided you have learned what you were meant to learn from this lesson, there would be no problem with doing that, unless the escort resurfaced. Or you could just plain let go of it, with or without the aid of a Reiki Master. With the help of a loving gay-tribal shaman of some type, you can use pop-psych to be both happy and gay at the same time!

http://rainbowprod.com/bilbo

[Guest jizzdepapi]

>pop-psych to be both happy and gay at the same time!...

 

what a concept!! Quentin Crisp's idea?

[Guest cassius]

>I am just wondering if this

>is typical for a client

>that has spent over $10K

>in cash and prizes with

>an escort in less than

>a year. I realize

>I probably hurt his ego,

>and maybe his feelings.

>But I would think there

>should have been some professionalism,

>even on the exit, so

>to speak. I've vented

>enough, any feedback Escorts could

>provide me would be both

>appreciated and helpful in working

>through this though. Thanks!

>

 

You seem to be trying to find out what you did wrong here but I really don't see why. It is the escort in this situation who got a lot of attention and money while you got rudely rebuffed. You may have taken the relationship past what made sense but you could not have done that without his consent so I don't see why you should be blamed. The only thing you did wrong was to believe in someone who didn't deserve that. That's always a danger when it comes to relationships that are based on money instead of mutual feelings so maybe the best advice for you is to focus on real relationships instead.