how to handle paying when its a bad time

[Guest trickiedick]

i had an escort that clearly was not into it, so i and asked him and he gave me a lame excuse....i decided for my own dignity to call it quits...i had started to suck his dick but he was not even hard...i think it was all of 3 minutes...i got dressed and the escort still demanded the $250!

how come i have to pay when he did not live up to what we agreed upon....but i tried to be tough but did not want a bad scene to arise...so i paid him $200.

 

but $200 for nothing i feel like a fool!!

how have others handled this?? i understand chemistry, i just wish the escort was more fair and admitted it and went on his way instead of robbing me!!!

 

i am mad and unclear how i could have better handled this situation.

[Guest keywest]

I never cease to be amazed at the timidity of clients toward escorts who either misrepesent themselves or fail to perform as agreed. I always make my expectations crystal clear to any prospective escort. If he agrees, we go forward. If the session was not as agreed, payment is not made no matter what bullying tactics the escort might employ. As a result of my upfront position, I have never had a situation that deteriorated into threats, etc. You should expect the same level of service from escorts as you do from your plumber, accountant, doctor, painter, etc. You wouldn't hesitate to withhold payment if their services were not as agreed upon.

[+ Charlie]

Unfortunately, hiring an escort is not the same as hiring a plumber or accountant, because there is no possibility of taking him to court for non-performance. It's more analogous to handling a drug dealer. You really have to play the situation by ear, evaluating whether the escort is likely to respond with violence or some other negative consequence, or whether he can be reasoned with. It is NOT good to react with obvious anger to a disappointing experience; try to talk to him as though he were a reasonable person and come to a negotiated compromise. The only time I have ever totally refused to pay was when the escort fell asleep as soon as the scene started, and he was groggy enough and embarrassed enough not to protest (I was also dressed and ready to leave instantly when I woke him). It's also best to refuse to go forward immediately if you have any doubts at the beginning, even if you do have to pay something for the escort's time--he may have turned down other clients or have travelled to see you, and this is his business, after all, so think of it as a consultation fee, and try to get him to see it that way as well. Once you have undressed and started doing something physical, you should pay more, though not necessarily the full price originally agreed upon.

[Bilbo]

I don't think there should be any "if" to a turn-away fee. Here in Houston, I think it should be a standard $20. Perhaps a little higher in more expensive cities. Otherwise, I agree with you.

[Traveller]

Cab fare - $20. That's all folks. Unless, of course, he has a gun, in which case the sky's the limit babe.

 

Later.

[Guest vasexboy]

I have been with a total of 10 escorts in my life time. I have had some that are really good and some who was clearly not into it and wanted to just go to bed and sleep. I believe that escorts are like any other service...they should be paid for agreement to terms. I CLEARLY state what I want to have happen and tell them upfront that they will not get paid unless they perform to that expectation. This usually avoids bad situations. But I know a few escorts who tries to do nothing and get paid a lot (like that idiot Nick that has clearly been reviewed as a fraud). I think that an escort and client should discuss expecations etc. and then the event should happen that way...if not, he knows he will not get paid. Do not let escorts intimidate you...because you should really be calling the shots.

[+ Charlie]

It's reassuring to say what SHOULD happen, but in reality there are a lot of different dynamics in the client/escort relationship. You may think of the situation as one in which you are the customer who is always right, but the escort may think that he is the one who has the right to control things. In many cases the escort is younger and bigger than the client and feels those advantages in a conflict. He may also have taken artificial stimulants which make him more aggressive than normal. He is also more likely to become belligerent if he is at your home or a hotel room than in his own place. Even something as simple as one of you being dressed and the other undressed affects the perceived balance of control. You can't take the same line in every situation with everyone.

[Bilbo]

I think that a turnaway fee should be more than just simple cabfare. It is partly your fault, usually, when an honest attempt to describe oneself over the phone mixes with you preconceptions and winds up with something unlike the original.

Also, the clients I had who had the least fun were those who were trying too hard to get their money's worth. It makes your mental set Missouri - Show me instead of Theater - Willing suspension of disbelief. It becomes combative rather than cooperative. And it puts a lot of performance anxiety on both of you.

[Guest trickiedick]

i accept that it is partly my fault...that is part of the risk of the situation...but to pay someone $200 of the $250 that was agreed upon for nothing is just wrong!!

 

it is easy to say pay him something and tell him to get out, but at this point you feel vulnerable and disgusted and just want the person out...the last thing u want is a nasty arguement....especially since u do not know this person or what they are capable of!!!

 

even though i am paying for sex i never want to be made to feel like a ugly troll, if we all agree hiring an escort is a professional transaction then we must also agree that it should be treated fairly . unfortunately, this situation i wanted to be over and saw no other way than to pay him so he left without a fuss.

 

and no one has really given me any insight into how to really handle this situation...it is easy to say give him $20 and show him the door but that is not real when u are in it.

[Traveller]

Dude,

 

You size up the situation (both looks and attitude) at the doorway. Never let an escort into the room unless you're willing to go through with it. Rarely does something happen that you can't judge pretty quickly at the door.

 

Later.

 

PS. Of course, you should also always have quick and easy access to a loaded Colt 45.

[Guest Sean]

LAST EDITED ON May-30-00 AT 05:03PM (EST)[p]I recently had a situation in NY (about a month ago)A Client booked me for an out call down in SoHO which is a treck from where I live. I show up and within say 10 mins the guy said I don't think this is going to work. I said well I charge half my fee for a confirmed booking that's canceled upon arrival. He refused to pay me anything, not even cab fare. It took me 20 mins to get there 10 mins there and another 30 to get home because of heavy traffic. I stuck my foot through his very expensive JBL speakers on the way out the door. I Don't think he'll be pulling that crap again anytime soon. I think half the fee is fair unless the Escort shows up and has totally misrepresented himself, then a 20 for cab fare and a have a good day is in order. Remember you're paying for our time. And time wasted traveling to and from is time and cab fare.

[Guest Jake]

Hey, Sean, I have no problem with your desire to collect half the fee when things just don't work out. But why the hell should anyone give anyone $20 cab fare if they misrepresent themselves. If I do an in-call and I come in looking like the worst troll in the world, will you be giving me $20 so I can get back home quickly? After all, even a troll has to travel.

[Guest OuterSider]

I think someone needs to take some anger management courses. If ever someone kicked in my property I'd have the jerk either arrested or sue his ass. There is not a reasonable excuse for that type of action. Having heard that he exhibits that type of behavior there is one escort that I would avoid like the plague.

 

Granted it wasn't exactly the best situation, but the way he handled himself was exactly the wrong thing to do.

[Traveller]

LAST EDITED ON May-30-00 AT 06:40PM (EST)[p]LAST EDITED ON May-30-00 AT 06:38 PM (EST)

 

In further clarification of what I said above, the door is your final line of defense. You've first seen pics of the escort either on his website, a mag or an attachment to an email. You've next talked with him on the phone (usually an excellent indication of temperment and whether you'll have fun) to arrange an appointment. Finally you'll stop him at the door only because (a) the pics are way out of date, or (b) he's totally fucked up on booze or drugs; and in either case, $20 for cab fare is more than generous.

 

Later.

[Bilbo]

I agree with Traveller's door. It's just that I think that unless he is seriously fucked up with drugs or drink or has obviously lied to you, he has given his time. And he has also let you inside his privacy firewall, which is one thing that you are paying him for, don't forget. So I feel that merely cab fare isn't fair. On the other hand, unless the escort has already stripped, I don't think half of the fee agreed on is fair either. In any case, have the amount turnaround amount figured in your mind, have that amount in your right pocket, put in your left pocket half of the amount in your left pocket. Stop him at the door, hand him the amount in your right pocket and close it firmly in his face. If you don't get it closed out of your own timidity, give him the amount in your left pocket and slam the door. Do not threaten to call security. Do it or don't, like Yoda said - there is no try, there is only do or not do.

[Guest Sean]

LAST EDITED ON May-30-00 AT 08:00PM (EST)[p]OutSider, how would you have handled it? Considering that I didn't give all the details of the situation you are jumping to conclusions. You run your business the way you see fit and leave me to run mine the way I see fit

[Guest OuterSider]

Simply have walked away and chalked it up to a learning experience. There is no cause for destructive behavior period.

[Guest Sean]

When some jerk hires me, waste my time, has me in his apartment for 10 mins takes my clothes off, plays with me for a few mins then says he can't do it (he feels guilty for fucking around on his lover), then refuses to pay me for my time he gets his speakers kicked in. After investigating he had done that to two other Escorts in the same week. I chalk that up to teaching him a lesson!

[Guest VersatilePaul]

Sean,

 

While I might be ablet to understand the circumstances (and may have done the same thing), I'd let this one rest if I were you. I'm sure it's not your intention, but I think you're portraying a real negative side to potential clients.

 

VPaul

[Guest VersatilePaul]

Sean,

 

While I might be ablet to understand the circumstances (and may have done the same thing), I'd let this one rest if I were you. I'm sure it's not your intention, but I think you're portraying a real negative side to potential clients.

 

VPaul

[Guest Sean]

Actually Paul I was hoping I was sending a message to this type of client not to come calling on me. I don't tolerate this type of crap from anyone. I'm honest in my dealings with my clients and expect the same respect.

[Guest OuterSider]

I just want to say that Sean and I had a nice little chat on AOL ( don't you just love IM's ) and were able to talk about where we both were coming from. My aversion to violence and his aversion to being ripped off.

 

I also told him that I think I could abandon my aversion to violence if some of the escorts in the city that the client who beat up the escort lived in were to have a break-a-leg party. There isn't a reason in the world that could justify that attack. To the escort that it happened to - Best Wishes for a speedy recovery and I also wanted to thank the client that came to his rescue again. Heroes are few and far between.

 

Hooboy should get some thanks also for conneting the two. Hooboy gets trashed by some around the boards (wrongly so I think) and thanked not often enough, but I think everyone can agree that he most certainly helped a situation that can only be described as bad.

 

Thanks Hooboy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Boston Guy]

I agree. He could easily have taken the approach that there was nothing he could do. Instead he chose to get involved and reach out a long-distance helping hand by proxy.

 

It's a pity that there isn't more of this kind of support in the world and he is definitely to be applauded for both caring and acting.

[Rod Hagen]

LAST EDITED ON Jun-03-00 AT 05:38AM (EST)[p]When a client flakes on an hourly, I don't get too upset. It's not as if I would drive to Bakersfield for an hour appointment. I just find a nearbye grocery store or mall and take care of some long-outstanding errands. It rarely happens and it's never because I don't live up, but because they've got some issues about cheating on their lover, OR, internalized homophobia.

 

But there are a few times I have had an overnight, $1000-$1500, that was scheduled weeks or even months in advance cancel that same day or even the day before, and not received a penny. Those are clients I will never schedule with again. If it is a long standing appointment and they do not give me enough days, not hours, to attempt to make up at least what I had budgeted with them, then I expect the full overnight fee or we will not be doing business again.

 

Lastly, lets knock this shit off right now about escorts being likely to be on drugs or drunk. I haven't done drugs since I was 14, and ask anyone who's hired me, I never drink. If you are hiring stoned escorts you aren't doing your research; if you're bring home strung-out hustlers from Stellas (or wherever you find the dregs) you get what you pay for.

 

And if I EVER saw a gun anywhere near me during an appointment I would 1. leave, 2. call the police from the trusty cell phone (it's worth being investigated as to what, exactly, I was doing there, to keep this freak from potentially hurting or threatening anyone). 3. tell every escort I know who and where he is and to stay away from the psycho. "When Guns are outlawed only outlaws will accidentally shoot house guests". -Hagen

[Guest trickiedick]

i respect what u are saying and agree....

 

but my situation there were no issues on my part...the guy simply was distant when i tried to lick his nipples he kept pushing me away and then could not get hard...asked what was wrong he said he was nervous..he is an established escort i was not his first call!!!

 

if there was an attraction problem he could have said so when he came in ( i am not an old ugly troll...)

 

but it is dimeaning as well as unprofessional for both of us to get undressed and then be not into it...

 

i realize his game...if he gets me to call it off i will be pressured to to pay...and his gamble worked. get the client naked and he feels vulnerable...

 

it sucks and i was too much of a whimp to teach him a lesson