Escort shows up--& you know each other...

[tedbear]

Last night my back was killing me and I paged a guy from the forum with whomI had exchanged emails . We arranged for a massage plus release for late last night. He showed up and it turns out we know each other from 12-step meetings. We agreed it would probably be weird to continue. He wanted to recommend someone else, but everyone else he could recommend is also in the program. I didn't even think to ask if he would give me the massage I wanted for my aching back and just forget about anything sexual. So, he left.

So, how do others handle this situation. I'm sure it wasn't the first time the escort knew the client. There are probably some good stories about this.

[Guest cleverock]

Chance meeting with an escort

 

It sounds a bit odd that your 12-step group is full of escorts (altho it would confirm what some say happens to the libido after sobriety. The closest I've ever come was finding out that an escort probably worked with people I knew professionally.

[N.N.]

It's happened to me twice that the escort and I recognized one another. Both times, we had sex anyway. Both times, the escort charged me half price (totally their idea; I didn't ask for special treatment). In both cases, I went for another session at a later date, and each escort again charged me half price. The sex was fine; as far as I was concerned, there were only advantages, and no drawbacks from the fact that we were already acquaintances.

[Will]

Recovering guys

 

Lucky you, I say. I've been a Friend of Bill for almost 18 years (next week!) and I can't think of better sexual intimacy than with somebody in the Program. After all, every other aspect of my life is centered on the Program and I would be happy beyond measure to learn the names, etc. of escorts who try to live by the Twelve Steps. The nice thing about this board is that we're anonymous anyway. And this would be an excellent way to use anonymity as a tool rather than as a weapon. In the Program we learn that it is a "spiritual foundation," whereas in many places it is a means of hiding and protecting oneself.

 

Would it be possible to maintain a list of escorts who would like to meet Program clients or vice-versa? I don't see why our lives should be excluded from the benefits of the Program. After all, our straight brothers and sisters arrange to see each other all the time. Just a thought.

 

Next time, get the massage!

[Bilbo]

RE: Recovering guys

 

Not to throw a wet blanket on anything, although that might be a little kinky on a hot day, but he just said that it was a 12 step program. I myself have never gone to AA, but I have called AAA - I mean, I have gone to Codependents Anon. For heaven's sakes, he might have meant Sex Addicts Annon. That would really have been a faux pas rather than a blessing!

[Bilbo]

RE: Recovering guys

 

Oh, and on a more serious note, I have had the long standing habit of giving a half price discount to anyone in any group I belong to. I am glad to hear that others do the same thing. Even just as a masseur, though, I haven't had very many people take me up on it, and I wish they would. Assuming we're friendly, it becomes difficult to watch some people walking around with obviously sore shoulders.

[+ Charlie]

Over the years I've had a few experiences when I've made appointments with escorts, only to discover when I arrived that they were guys I had hired previously under different names and ads. Needless to say, they were always guys I really wasn't interested in seeing again. Usually I just laughed and went through with it. A couple of times I said I was sorry but it had been an honest mistake and I didn't think it was a good idea, and I left immediately.

 

Once story does stand out, however. I had hired a fairly young, very goodlooking boy for a scene that was actually pretty boring. Two years later I went to an appointment, a different name and address, and found myself in a loft with the same guy. When I said we had done it before and I really didn't want to repeat, he became very belligerent, insisted he had never met me, and threatened to beat the shit out of me if I didn't go through with it. Since he had muscled up considerably since our last encounter and appeared to be in an ugly mood, I swallowed my pride (and something else)and surprisingly had a much better sexual experience than the previous time. Two years later, in another city, I answered an ad under yet another name, and found myself face to face with the same guy. He gave no indication that he recognized me, so I decided to be cool and act like I didn't know him. We had wonderful sex. Three years later, at another address in the first city, under another name, I encountered him a fourth time, and we played "strangers when we meet" again. He seemed to have mellowed with age, so when it was over I asked if he really did not remember me. He admitted that he had known me the previous time but wasn't sure I had recognized him (he was a fanatic bodybuilder and honestly seemed to believe he looked like a different person each time just because of the increase in muscle mass). He had played along this time because he thought that it was part of my fantasy to pretend we were strangers!

 

The story should have ended there, but in fact it happened a fifth time. That time it struck both of us as so funny that we had relaxed sex but spent more time just talking.

[Will]

Clarification

 

In my first posting, I did not identify myself with any twelve-step program by name. Furthermore, "Will" is not my real name; and even if it were, according to Program standards I maintain my anonymity as long as I do not identify myself further, for instance with my last name. In any case, at one time or another I have been active in and self-identified as a member of three completely independent twelve-step recovery programs. I was also founder of a weekly discussion group that is open to all men affiliated with any twelve-step recovery program. When I speak of "the Program," then, I am not speaking of any one in particular. They all share the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and much of the A.A. literature, even though many, many people in the Program are not alcoholics at all. Finally, it should be clear as well that I was not suggesting that either Tedbear or his escort were members of AA, Al-Anon, NA, OA, SSLA, DA, or any of the other great recovery communities. I firmly believe in absolute, inviolable anonymity, which includes refraining from any deliberate allusion to someone else's participation in any of the various Programs.

[Will]

Clarification

 

LAST EDITED ON Apr-19-00 AT 10:41AM (EST)[p]Correcting for accidental double posting.

[Guest davos3]

If you recognize an escort when he arrives at your door (and he is not your brother, father or son), you should continue with the intended activity as planned.

 

You both are consenting adults and the experience might prove even more delightful because of the famiarity? Any way, if you BOTH have no problem with the connection, then party on dude!

[Traveller]

>Any way, if

>you BOTH have no problem

>with the connection, then party

>on dude!

 

 

I could not have said it any better myself. Excellent attitude dude.

[Guest rookie]

I think it would be great if that happened to me. I belong to a 12-step group and I think it could make it better. I have run into people I have met at the beach ect that we ended up having a good time, even when I saw them walk through the doors of the 12 step meeting. We are there for a completely DIFFERENT reason and I value my program enough to maintain that...but outside...well we can have some fun...

[tedbear]

Response

 

First of all, Cleverock, I didn't say my 12 step group was full of escorts. My city has an incredibily wonderful schedule of AA meetings catering to gays. There are often ten or more gay AA meetings every day. Some of these meetings may have as few as 10 or less while others may have 80 and many more. Needless to say, You don't really get to know many of these guys while others become close friends.

 

I wouldn't knowingly engage any from from Sex Addicts Annonymous or Sexual Compulives Annonymous. To me, those who do so prove the statement that "some are sicker than others." This is why I now identify myself as an AA member. I'm still annonymous, so it really doesn't matter that I'm a Friend Of Bill.

 

I like the idea of hiring an escort from the program, but as was said above, it would have to be someone who I didn't know (too well at least) and who was comfortable with it. The guy the other night was obviously uncomfortable so I agreed. It would have been nice if he had given me a referral to another sober 'scort, but even with all the guys in the program who he knows who escort, there was no way for us to compare to see who I knew and didn't know without blowing other people's annonymity (when I wanted to blow something else!

[+ honcho]

This has happened to me a few times over the 20-odd years I've been renting, and my memories are a little vague on all of the details, but it's always been a matter of the 'scort asking "are you OK with this" and me gladly assenting.

 

I play in the San Francisco Gay Band, which did a couple of gigs with the SF Gay Men's chorus, and there was an *extroardinarily* handsome guy who I couldn't help looking at, who steadfastly refused to make eye-contact back. (Back then some people seemed afraid that returning a nod or smile would be wrongly interpreted as a contract of marriage). So a few months later, I was ever-so-glad when the guy who opened up the door was Mr. Wonderful . . .

 

(Built, smart, handsome, musical, a screen-writer. Unfortunately, no longer among the living, due to HIV)

 

I even rented him a second time. Although he seemed to enjoy the time we had together, nonetheless said he was going to pretend that the we had never met. And he especially said that he did not want me to tell a mutual acquaintance who was a 'scort that Mr. wonderful could also be bribed. (Aforementioned acquaintance was heavily into CBT and I was such a satisfactory victim he never charged me).

 

There've been a couple of occasions that I've recognized pictures of fellow gym members advertising in the back of the local gay paper and I've specifically sought out their services.

 

There was even an instance where I rented somebody who sounded hot (and was), who I didn't immediately recognize, but who had a couple of years earlier worked behind the counter of the gym I work out at. He also brought the subject up before starting, and checked that I was OK with it.

[Guest Dr. DG]

One of the most uncomfortable moments in my life occurred when I hired an escort early in my 20's (hey...still fighting to get out of the closet then!) to explore my sexuality. I called an escort service recommended to me by a good friend in New York. They described a man about my same age, very nice build, dishwater blond (is that politically correct these days?) with blue eyes and a nice smile. Oh...and the requisite big dick. So I said "send him over at once". He gets to my hotel room at the Plaza, knocks on the door, and I opened it wearing only the usual white terrycloth hotel bathrobe. In front of me is a guy who used to taunt me with the appellation "faggot!" in college! He stood there dumbfounded and stammered "can I come in..." to which I said "sure". I was far more uncomfortable than he was. Then he looked at me and said (in a sheepish tone) "...so you are gay...". I replied "no shit Sherlock!". Then we both looked at each other and just laughed at the absurdity of the whole thing. We had great sex only because he told me he was gay and really didn't know how to deal with it. He was not the high-IQ type and barely made it through college on a phys ed major. Got a job teaching/coaching at some private school and needed extra $$$. That's why he escorted. I was just in my second year of med school. Just to get some type of emotional satisfaction, I fucked his ass raw for about two hours (boy did that hurt my dick!) and he complained the entire time about the pain and how he had never been fucked...funny thing is that my "rectal examination" of him somewhat disproved his notion since he had a residue of dried cum (I'd notice those pecker tracks anywhere!) around his anus. You could say that, in essence, I got my fucking revenge on him! It was an emotionally rewarding feeling back in those days to put that jerk in his place after all those years. I would not feel that way now. Guess he was right...I am a faggot and am now damn proud of it!

 

So that's my experience with an escort that I knew...and the only I have ever known personally prior to meeting him on a more-or-less professional basis. Now that I have a very steady boyfriend (soon to be my husband), I don't play much in the escort arena except to give my meager litter contribution here in the form of advice to the health-lorn. Thanks for listening!

[Guest jackboy]

This has become quite a problem for me lately...in the past I would probably have laughed it off, and usually I am much more interested in hiring men I've seen "around." But, a few months ago I engaged in rather a lengthy email correspondence which unfortunatley ended with me giving out my real name, etc. as the arrangements were getting settled. Then, after more web surfing I found a series of pictures of the same escort and realized that he was someone I consider a good "social friend"...one with a lover!!! I was completely flabergasted! I mean it wasn't a complete surprise, I had always thought there was "something" about his "past," bits of gossip, speculation, etc. I had even fantasized about him and fondly remember meeting up with him at a party out of town when he was sans lover (danced only). But, I had always thought that he was in a great "love" relationship, one in which he was able to live quite a "good" life. Does his lover know, are they both escorts??? The questions escalate!!! I did email a polite cancellation which also aknowledged my embarassament...but then, he replied that even though we knew each other, it didn't matter...and he "garunteed" I'd have a great time and be completely satisfied!!! I've kept my silence since then, but the Spring/Early Summer parties & receptions begin...what do I do now??? Pretend nothing was ever said??? Snub??? Allow myself to be snubbed??? Spend the money and admire his new outfit the next time we meet??? Solicit his lover (more my type)??? WHAT???

[Boston Guy]

I'm inclined to suggest that you go ahead. It sounds like he really has his head screwed on straight (there we go again with the "straight" stuff :-)) and I bet you would have a blast.

 

Good luck.