Ok, now what ...

[stevekorgman]

I've been seeing an escort on a regular (2-3 times a month) basis now for almost a year. He's about half my age, cute, hot as hell and we clicked from day one. What started out as a business transaction has slowly evolved into a pretty significant friendship. What's the problem? He wants more that I want to give, i.e., taking him out to dinner, going away for the weekend, going to a sporting event, etc. Let me clarify, I'm in a long-term relationship and he knows that. I must be discrete and he knows that. I have done absolutely nothing to lead him on. Sure we have common interests, and yes, I've given him a little gift (champagne, music cd, etc.) on occasion, but nothing of any great value. What tipped me off was the last 2 times we had a session, he wouldn't take the money. He said that I probably couldn't afford him (some truth there) and not to worry about it - that he was just happy to be with me. Ok, I'm not stupid, but this turn of events is puzzling. Do I gradually start seeing him less often? Or do I simply re-state my commited relationship and that it feels like he wants more, etc. What do I do? I have to admit that I'm extremely fond of him and the sex is mind-blowing beyond description. Thoughts, oh wise ones? Thank you so much.

[OneFinger]

I think you answered your own question with "...do I simply re-state my committed relationship and that it feels like he wants more, etc." I'd make sure he understands you're in a committed relationship and that you're only seeing him for "recreational" purposes.

 

If he continues to not accept your money after that, then he's telling you he's comfortable with your relationship with him.

[Guest zipperzone]

This could get dicey, depending on how stable the escort is.

 

If he has really fallen for you and can't accept rejection I'd perhaps hide the kitchen knives. Remember Glen Close in Fatal Attraction?

 

Or, in a less dangerous scenario he could just decide to let your "committed relationship" know just how "committed" you are'

 

Beware.......

[Bart]

After the initial "I am flattered" and maybe accept the sex for free once as a gift, not twice, I would say accepting twice is a lead on.

 

The bittersweet is that you can talk to him, straight up get his reaction and if you have to say I am going to see other guys and see where each step goes. This is no time for games, like not returning calls or ignoring him, I really think the adult way to handle it is to be straight up.

 

Does he intiate contact or do you contact him? If him and more than once or twice a week, we may be at the obessive state. If so I would be prepared for the worst. Do you know any of his friends at all?

 

I hope a few other working guys help out here too. I guess we can have fantasies of this but when it actually happens, that is a different story.

[stevekorgman]

Wow, these are great replies - hope there are more out there. The "Fatal Attraction" issue has caused a few sleepless nights, but I've made damn sure that he knows really very little about me. Not that he couldn't follow me home sometime; hell, maybe he already has. I think the best approach now is some lay-the-cards-on-the-table talk and see what happens. I look forward to more responses - and again, thank you all so much for your assistance.

[+ Charlie]

Have you spent any time with this guy outside the bedroom, to find out what he is like in more normal settings? Do you know much about his own life (work, interests, etc.) and relationships? Do you know if he is sleeping with other men (for money or for free), and if so, do you know anything about them? If the answer to these questions is no, then you need to find out, in order to evaluate why he is coming on so strong. It sounds like you have become the object of some romantic fantasy for him; if you're lucky, he can be talked out of it with some realistic discussion, but be prepared for the possibility of some real drama. Whatever you do, DO NOT continue to have sex with him without clearly paying him for it--it reinforces his sense that yours is an emotional attachment, not a commercial relationship.

[Guest ncm2169]

Whoa, whoa. It might be time to cool the rhetoric here a little. As I've mentioned in the past, I have a "relationship" with escort who I introduced to the biz. He and I had played before that and in the process we developed a close friendship - we have been roommates for about 3 years. We still play together, but we lead our own lives openly and honestly. IMHO, it's a matter of how you view or value monogamy in a relationship. If you're not hung up on that, it makes a helluva lot of things less complicated. }(

[Guest zipperzone]

NCM I can't see how your reply addresses the question posed.

 

The guy HAS a committed relationship so he is not looking for another. The problem seems to be an escort who might be looking for more that the "client" is willing to give - and we don't know if he may be in danger - or not.

[Trixie]

It's always helpful to get a variety of ideas from people who're NOT going through what you are, but the real question is, what do you want?

 

If you want to maintain the status quo, and have him as a paid provider only, then you should indicate such the next time you see him. Make it clear that any relationship beyond the "professional" is out of the question.

 

However, if you think that YOU might want a relationship with the lad that goes beyond a simple cash-for-services-rendered, then you must:

 

1) Weigh this possibility against your Life as it is, and decide whether it is worth the risks involved.

 

2) Let him know in no uncertain terms where you are at. That you are willing to make limited room for him, but not willing to give up what you have already.

 

3) Realize also that HE has a Life, which should be respected. If the two of you cannot up with transparent, mutually satisfactory terms of how the relationship should take place, then it not going to work out. I say "transparent" because if he is smitten with you (or the things he feels you can provide) then he may say "yes" to any condition laid down, thinking that it will all change with time. There's not much you can do about this train of thought, other than go back to condition #1 and realize that it is one of the risks involved.

 

4) Do NOT adhere to the idea that just because his enthusiasm for you seems to be more than yours for him, that he is some sort of crazy stalker. You have a part in this, a big part. You're not some starlet with whom he's developed an infatuation from afar. You've been sleeping with him on a regular basis, and you admit that the two of you have "clicked", whatever that may mean. This "click" indicates that you enjoy his company on some level. And the fact that you sought him out indicates that your primary relationship is not perfect. You have already given him signs that he has a chance of winning you over. You may have to take the fall, if things go bad, and 'fess up to your

"relationship" about what you've been up to.

 

You can have your cake, and eat it too, but that doesn't mean it's not going to make you sick as a dog.

 

 

Trix

[stevekorgman]

Well gentlemen, I very much appreciate the replies - quite diverse in approach, yet a common thread. I am meeting with him in a couple of days and we'll see what transpires. I'm going with the time-out, open-and-honest discussion with him - that it started out as a business transaction which has developed into a great friendship - yet, it is indeed first and foremost, business. He's a bright guy, and I know down deep he understands there's no future in taking things in any different direction. Yeah, I probably should never have offered any gifts, regardless of their value, 'cause that's sending the wrong message. In the past, I've taken a bottle of wine or something similar when I've hired an escort, but that was something we "shared", not just a gift. Anyhow, thank you all very much for your replies. I never cease to be amazed at the intellect, common sense, and caring people who are part of this message center. You guys rock!

[Lookin]

As long as you're "truing up" the relationship, it might also be a gracious gesture to make sure he gets compensated for the times he didn't want to take any money. Maybe you've already handled that. If it's a financial burden for you right now, even a promise to pay him over the next few months could help keep the boundaries clear, and show him that you care about his wellbeing. Another thought. And best wishes for all of you!

[Guest zipperzone]

>As long as you're "truing up" the relationship, it

>might also be a gracious gesture to make sure he gets

>compensated for the times he didn't want to take any money.

>Maybe you've already handled that. If it's a financial burden

>for you right now, even a promise to pay him over the next few

>months could help keep the boundaries clear, and show him that

>you care about his wellbeing. Another thought. And best

>wishes for all of you!

 

Now that idea is truly bizarre!

[best hotel]

does your partner kno you see an escort regularly?...if it would be ok with your partner, why not consider becoming fuck buddies/friends with benefits, rather than escort/client?.....also, find out what it means to him to continue accepting a fee.....this may still be a boundaried, yet nonprofessional relationship.....your partner may prefer that you save the money...also, have them meet....it might diffuse potential conflice stemmming from secrecy

[Dave]

this is just about boundaries, and (unfortunately) at this point, that really does need to be defined clearly from you now.

 

IMO, as a professional, his should never have changed at all.

 

it reminds me of the line in the play All That I Will Ever Be, when the escort offers to stay the night with the client, gratis - and the client responds, "Sweetheart, people don't pay your kind for sex. They pay you to leave."

[luczen]

Hello ,

I was in a similar situation some time ago .

As long as you are honest : you explain your situation ; with a steady friend you are not going to give up.

You can enjoy the sex for the time it last (some years) I insisted on paying because I had more money than him ; I also gave him some money when he was in a bad financial situation( hospital bills)

There is nothing wrong with an escort for sex and love