client emotional attachment?

[jstone]

I've been seeing this escort for a couple of years and have developed an emotional attachment to him. This is mutual. He goes above and beyond the call of duty, always giving me something extra. Not quite sure how to handle this. But it makes our time together that much more special. Can escorts really love their clients beyond the friendship stage? We have talked about this, but he is more reserved in his words. Would like to see this relationship move to a different level, but don't now how to proceed. Any suggestions? The last thing I want to do is fuck it up and have this escort not see me anymore.

[lookin4hotties]

The convenience and choice I get with using escorts is

a wonderful thing to me. The paradox is that it turns

the most intimate human interaction into a basic

business transaction involving the exchange of

time for money. NEVER confuse this with dating.

 

I never pretend that it is anything other than that,

yet it can be so hard sometimes to leave someone so

loving and beautiful and know that it is really not

appropriate to send more than a thank-you email or

text message until next time.

 

It definitely is appropriate with what sounds like a

one-of-a-kind and special escort to want to spend

more time with him. When you plan an upcoming visit,

it would not hurt to ask him if he would be available

to take a short vacation with you. If he tells you that

is not a problem, ask him if he has a free weekend or

perhaps even a week in his schedule to travel.

 

If that is not a problem for him, ask him in advance

if he would be willing to negotiate a weekly rate.

You could book a week at a vacation destination

or take a short cruise. Ask him where he would enjoy

travelling to and what he likes to do on vacation.

If a one-week trip goes well, perhaps invite him

for a week at your home for the visit after that.

 

If that REALLY goes well, ask him if he would be

interested in working out an arrangement, perhaps

a live-in arrangement for the summer. That gives

him a finite time period that does not involve an

indefinite commitment. Remember, he might have a

monthly lease and expenses to cover, so even if he

is generous with you, it could get expensive.

 

HOWEVER, if he says no, don't take it personally.

I would tell him that is NO problem and you will

enjoy seeing him again soon. It can be hard for

anyone to drop what they are doing for several

months and just live somewhere else, even for

someone they enjoy. Also be sure that you are

always respecting his boundaries, physically

AND emotionally, and remember he is a gifted

professional and not your boyfriend.

 

Just take each visit at a time and start with a

fun weekend or maybe even a week-long vacation.

That way you won't be piling on the expectations

and pressure that might ruin things. Also, don't

discuss ALL potential plans with him except for

your plans for the next visit. And remember,

they don't all have to be a whole week or longer

to be special.

 

Good luck and feel free to keep us posted!

 

Lookin4hotties

[jstone]

Thanks for the input. We have spent a few weekends together which have been wonderful. And I am realistic not to read more into it than there is. But there is a bond/connection/love between us that cannot be denied. Guess I am looking for some sort of validation that escorts can have these kind of feelings with their clients, and what I am experiencing is not an anomaly. I take it for what it is and enjoy that time together. Fate will determine the outcome. But I know sooner or later our professional relationship will end, and hopefully, that bond we share can turn into a friendship.

[raulgmanzo]

>I am looking for some sort of validation that escorts can have

>these kind of feelings with their clients, and what I am

>experiencing is not an anomaly.

 

Many of us escorts do have those kinds of feelings for some of our clients. My clients are pretty special people with whom I really enjoy spending time. Some of them are extra special and they feel like lovers. I'm excited to hear from them and never consider their emails or calls an intrusion.

Still I know that is still a client/escort relationship where the defined roles play an important part in making things work. If or when the client/escort part of it ends I expect we will still both greatly care for each other and occasionally enjoy time with each other. But realistically our time and sexuality will now have to compete with the rest of our lives, work and friends.

[Guest zipperzone]

While it is not likely, it is not impossible for this to turn into a long term loving relationship. Sometimes you have no control over who you fall in love with and even if you try hard to ignore the feelings, they still persist.

 

So yes, it is possible that he has fallen or will fall in love with you.

 

Should this happen, the stumbling block may be his chosen profession. He still has to work to support himself. Even if you are willing to keep him, he may not be comfortable with being kept.

 

You must ask yourself how you would feel if you became lovers, started living together, and had to acknowledge that he still saw other men for money. Some guys would find that an impossible situation and would eventually cause the relationship to self destruct.

[Guest ncm2169]

< escorts can have these kind of feelings with their clients

 

jstone, escorts are people. Yes, they offer their pleasure to others for a fee, but they are people first. People develop attachments. People develop relationships. We're not talking extra-terrestrial beings here.

 

I happen to be fortunate enough to have a deeply caring and supportive relationship with my roommate who I introduced to escorting a few years ago. The deal is strictly NSA but we wouldn't be together if we did not care deeply about each other.

 

It's serendipity. If you're lucky in life, it will happen to you. Enjoy it while it lasts and make the most of it. }(

[JT Brooklyn]

jstone. IMHO..IF and When the Time comes and the "Working Guy" has told you he has RETIRED, Who Knows?

 

Don't even put yourself Mentally in a situation Outside of Sex..where you lose the fact that he is just that.. "A Working Guy" Big Mistake...

 

The "Best" Working Guys will put you in a certain frame of mind when your with them.."That's what they are there for"! They ALL know where the line should be drawn. BUT once they walk out the door, they go on with their Lives and YOU should do the same. Trust JT on that! LOL

;-)

[Guest josephga]

I tend to agree with jt. iv had massage clients ask me out a few times. regardless of who they are or what they look like i politely say no thanks. I like the idea of having a seperate personal life and really have no interest in knowing my clients after they leave my studio..

[luvtwink]

Sure - it's possible. But lets get real here...the sex is bought and paid for. There's NSA......

Many of the working boys are really good at acting the part - making the client feel good - in bed and at dinner....but make no mistake, rarely does it go deeper than that. ncm's experience is special...we're not all that lucky to have someone as his friend is (become).:-)

[Guest HonkingGoose]

Get real; get a life. You are paying for sex; nothing more, nothing less.

[twinkboylover28]

>But there is a bond/connection/love between us that cannot be denied.

 

 

 

I don't think "love" is the appropriate word.

[rentingdad]

Stone - you're barking up the wrong tree my friend. If the emotional attachment was truly mutual you wouldn't have to ask what you should do.

If it was real and not based on money you'd be in a relationship with this guy and that would be that.

 

Sorry to burst your bubble but I've been around for a while and if something mutual with an escort is happening you would know it without a doubt.

[Guest zipperzone]

>Stone - you're barking up the wrong tree my friend. If the

>emotional attachment was truly mutual you wouldn't have to ask

>what you should do.

 

Very good point!

[Juan Vancouver]

Dear Jstone,

 

I know that in the past whenever I have shared my views on this subject a few have expressed their shock and cynicism. So be it. For me, being in this profession to answer a deep personal calling, it is of paramount importance that every single one of my relationships with my clients is as healthy and impeccable as possible. I know as a fact that by speaking this openly I make myself unattractive to a number of clients out there who see hiring escorts as auditioning for boyfriends, and it may be for the better, since that is not and has never been the service that I offer. (Being a boyfriend.)

 

My personal view of escorting is very heavily influenced by my active participation in the world of therapy. I have worked as a sexual surrogate assisting sex therapists and understand that my profession as an escort is about being a facilitator to allow you to explore your body, your sexuality, overcome your sexual inhibitions or widen your "repertoire". I also commit to provide a safe environment in which open communication, deep intimacy and relaxed fun can happen.

 

Intimacy is not the same thing as love. And since in the past every time I mention that I provide intimacy a few have attacked that view saying that a paid service can never provide real intimacy, I will answer to those in advance reminding them that a good therapist, a good doctor, a good masseur HAVE to provide true intimacy, and they are all being paid for doing so.

 

A real professional in the field of intimacy WILL facilitate a really caring environment, will care for you, and will make you feel special, and unique, and will give you confidence to trust and put your guards down.

 

But that is not love, in the romantic sense.

 

The main reason for me to write to you today is to share what many people in the field of therapy/intimacy believe about their relationships with their clients. We know that a deep, strong emotional bond may develop with assiduous clients with whom we work at deep, emotional levels on a regular basis. (And mind you, even if we don't talk about your childhood traumas, fucking hard {or tenderly} for three hours every week IS deeply emotional and moving. ) We have to keep working hard on keeping the boundaries clear and understandable and to make sure that they are never overstepped neither by the therapist (or escort) nor by the client.

 

We believe that in such emotional relationship both are at risk of start believing that the other (either the therapist-escort or the client) represents everything that we either love or hate. The 70's term for that phenomena is "transference". To put it clearly, one falls in love because one starts seeing all the best and beautiful things we have inside ourselves projected unto the other. (Or we can hate his guts so powerfully that we swear we will never see the filthy beast ever again.)

 

But this is not love, and as such it is never reciprocated.

 

We believe that a mature romantic relationship of equality is never possible when the relationship has started in a professional way. We believe that there will always be a huge power imbalance that will never be equalized and we advise against that sort of relationship very actively.

 

I deeply care, enjoy, like, and have loads of fun with many of my regular clients. I look forward to seeing them again, to travel with them, to talk, laugh, grow together. But we have to do a lot of work to keep the boundaries clear. It just makes it so much more fun if neither of us is secretly suffering of an unrequited love.

 

The two times that transference happened in my experience and my client thought he had fallen in love with me we got together, talked and agreed that it was better for us not to meet again. That would give them time to heal and realize that the love they were feeling had more to do with them than with me, as flattering as that could have been. One of them emails me now and then, and is now in a real meaningful relationship with a real boyfriend, and we always feel very happy when we contact each other. The other one chose never contacting me again.

 

I believe that was the healthiest thing to do.

 

My advise?

 

I do not believe you would be able to have a true romantic relationship with him without constantly asking yourself whether he loves you or needs you or is with you because of your money. You will always see him as something out of your reach, too young, or too beautiful, or too aloof, even if he is not either of those things. I believe that had you met in a different environment and had you both shown a reciprocal interest, you may have had a real relationship, but this is not the nature of it and it may never become it.

 

If you are just a bit infatuated, remind yourself that you are in a professional relationship and enjoy it for what it is.

 

If you are too emotionally involved and it is painful for you, talk to him, thank him for helping you elicit this feelings inside you, explain why you won't be seeing him anymore and....

 

 

RUUUNNNNNN. Run for your life.

 

 

Your heart is now open and it is very possible that if you meet people in other settings you will sooner or later find the right one and have a real, romantic relationship based on equality. You DESERVE that. You deserve to KNOW that your partner wants you, loves you, enjoys just because of who you are. And believe me, with an open heart and a set of open eyes you are bound to find that one pretty soon.

 

I hope my advise is not too hard for you. I write it because I can only imagine the pain you are going through, and nothing but the truth will give you tools to regain your power.

 

Receive a tight hug, my best wishes, and my sincere hope that very soon you will find yourself in the middle of a passionate, fun, exciting, unexpected, reciprocal love affair.

[KMEM]

Juan,

 

You give very good and thoughtful advice. Intimacy and caring are not the same as love although they can be darn good substitutes to a mature and knowlegable man.

 

Best regards,

KMEM

[Bart]

Dear Jstone:

Juan gives excellent advice. I have been hiring almost 5 years now and I have been in your shoes, twice. Both times very different. In both cases it was not the sex which in both was average. Fortunately, both were overnights and escort was from a good distance away.

 

The first we spent a great deal of time talking and connection developed on my part. I wanted to know and do everything with this guy. I wrote him a very tender Valentine, but thankfully I had kept my senses and knew the signs and what was happening. I kept my commenunications after to minimal Then he got a boyfriend and left the business, came back, left again. I got over it.

 

The second time was very hard because it was a meeting that the moment I met his eyes and our hands touched and I knew immediately not good, my mind just swooned. Again I was lucky the gentleman left the profession for good 6 weeks after met. Both provided a level of intimacy and friendship I had not had for a very long time. I am so lucky I knew the signs immediately. I knew my heart would ache for awhile but I did get over it. As you should begin doing now.

 

I do not think it is healthy to see him for awhile. It will hurt big time but better that than making a fool of yourself or worse hurting even more as he tries to let you down. Better for you to make the move than wait on his decision.

[Okliehomo]

It's happened to me as well.

 

Before I started hiring, all I had known were long term boyfriends. I had never had sex with anybody that I didn't eventually think I loved. So, when these hired guys were so nice and so charming and so damned hot and seemed to really, really like me, I got abit confused. At first.

 

I have to admit that I am still a little bit in love with one of them. That's why I don't let myself see him anymore. Luckily, he is in Mexico and can't visit like he used to. Nowadays, I keep my guard up and never let it get beyond the sex. Never.

 

Now, I like to think I have made a friend or two along the way. Ty, David, Eric, Juan and Kevin and of course, Mark and most especially, now retired Phillip/Seattle. These are guys that I care about and that have been included in my real life. And to a degree, me in theirs. But only to a degree. And make no mistake, it is still a transaction when we meet. That keeps the boundaries where they should be. Cleaner and clearer, for everyone.

 

The most lasting relationship that I have made thru hiring has been with another client. Who knew? I talk to him more than I do any of my old friends and I have never met him except thru email. But he gets me and I can tell him anything. No judgement and that's what real friends do.

 

So, like Juan and Bart have said more eloquently than I ever could, tread softly because it is truly a very slippery slope. And there is a 99% chance you will wind up falling flat on your ass. Don't put yourself thru that. It's supposed to be fun. Keep it that way. It's about your dick, not your heart. To be crass. In closing.

 

Okie

[Lewis H]

This has been a very enlightening thread, and it's great to hear all these points of view. Juan and Okie, in particular, have been very helpful to me personally. I'd been in a similar situation with a very popular escort who, after one session, really seemed to connect with me on a very intense level. I felt it was more physical than anything else, but that he was a nice guy and it was a great time, and left it at that.

 

But the escort later contacted me on his own, and we ended up hanging out, having very intimate conversations and subsequently having sex on a personal level (as in, a non-hire situation) at the escort's initiation. There was talk of our chemistry, and allusions to a future. This fucked me up big time, because it threw my insecurities wide open as I was no longer in control of the situation, as it was no longer transactional but social. It didn't end well, as the escort was going through some personal transitions himself, and was unfortunately working some of them out through me, even as I was working out some of my own issues. It's not really the same, but definitely has twinges of your own situation.

[+ purplekow]

I read your story and summarized it like this: You hired a contractor. He did a great job and you both noted an unexpectedly high sexual attraction between you. He acted on it by pressing for more and you agreed. You both move ahead, but due to personal issues, the relationship failed, as most do. In this case, it failed badly. My question is did the fact that the initial contract was for sex have any more impact than if it had been for electrical work or gardening? Would you date an escort again? If not, why is that different than dating the next gardener or electrician?

I have never seen a purplekow;

I never hope to see one;

I can tell you anyhow;

I'd rather see than be one

 

Help there is a purplekow in my mirror

[Rick Munroe]

>Would you date an escort again? If not, why is that different

>than dating the next gardener or electrician?

 

I've never dated anyone so I'm not an expert on the subject, but it seems to me that dating an escort is not the same as dating a gardener or an electrician. I think dating an escort is more like planting flowers with a gardener or rewiring a house with an electrician.

 

I don't think that made any sense, but I'm leaving it and I stand by it.

[+ purplekow]

Rick not your best effort.

As mature individuals our interactions with others have many different aspects to them. Just because you once paid some one to have sex doesn't mean the relationship can't develop into something else. I agree with those that believe that the escort client relationship is one in which it is easy for fantasy to take on the air of reality and both parties must be aware of that. That said, date an escort if you want and he wants and see where it goes.

[Rick Munroe]

>Rick not your best effort.

 

Fair enough, Simon. But Randy and Paula thought I was great and that I really connected to my post and my readers. (This is American Escort Idol, isn't it?)

[+ purplekow]

RE: American Idyll

 

>>Rick not your best effort.

>

>Fair enough, Simon. But Randy and Paula thought I was great

>and that I really connected to my post and my readers. (This

>is American Escort Idol, isn't it?)

 

Now that would be an interesting concept. A really horny client, perhaps who looks good in purple, hires 10 escorts and then eliminates one after each escorts performs. Could start out with the client receiving blow jobs from each of the 10 and then giving to each of the remaining 9. Of course versatility would almost certainly be needed to stay in the rigorous competition. Would take 55 separate sex acts to eliminate the 9 non-winners. Figure we could tape it in a week. American Idyll

[seattleblue]

There is a difference between love and being in love. And sharing those intimate moments between an escort and client over a long period of time can blur those meanings. I do not doubt the connection and bond you two share jstone, but know the difference between the two and check yourself. Be open and honest with this escort and he will let you know, one way or the other, how to proceed. We are all human, and we all need to love and be loved. But it is never equal between the two parties. If you find yourself falling in love with this guy, step back and not see him for a while until you have balanced yourself again. If you can keep it in check, start it up again, if not, end the relationship. You will save yourself some pain and hurt. This escort will understand. It is not that is taking it to another level is impossible, just improbable. Enjoy the time you have together. That professional relationship will end one day and wouldn't it be better to walk away from it with a smile on your face and enriched that you have known this man and was able to share all you have than to be disgruntle and cynical about love? After all is it better to have loved and be loved, in what ever form it takes, than to have never shared that experience with another man?

 

Hope that help.

[Guest CURIOUS35]

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

 

I believe in the possibility of anything happening in a relationship...I am however very realistic in my expectations after a number of failed romantic attempts at falling in love with somebody, who did not care for me; and treated me from a different level and perspective before and after after I intimated my burning love and yearning for a deeper level of commitment.

 

I am one of those hopeless romantics, who believe that someone, somewhere there is guy, who will take me for what, who and how I am!

 

I know the probability of being disappointed is greater than me finding the possible rightful soul mate, I dream of!

 

I can only suggest one thing based on the scenario you described -- You can either gamble your current arrangements to go to pot; or be like many who would rather hold on to whatever "best arrangements" the situation offers!

 

I know it is probably not a well thought of advise...as a matter of fact...YOU! are the only one who can be the best judge of what to do! As for me, I rely on my gut feelings...I act depending on what my odds would be!

 

Whatever action I take...I always take a deep breath before I act and prepare myself to the possible eventualities of my action!

 

Good luck!