Fair is fair, or is it?

[jeddinger]

I was recently trying to set up a meeting with an escort I've not met before. I explained I was looking for someone relatively local to meet on a regular basis.

 

After some back and forth e-mail, we agreed to an overnight outcall. He sent me his rate information which clearly stated both the fee and start/end times. I agreed to both.

 

It was not until the date was confirmed that he then informed me we'd have to "edit" (read: reduce the duration) and alter the start/end times to meet his work schedule.

 

In every e-mail he sent, he reiterated his rate (a little irritating), but in no case did he ever suggest "editing" that rate given the 2 1/2 hour reduction in the duration of the overnight based on the new times he proposed.

 

I felt I was being unfairly treated and disrespected. Was I wrong to feel this way? I think if he could not honor the full duration, the rate should have been adjusted accordingly. Why should I be expected to pay the same as everyone else but get less for it?

 

One would think if you are meeting a client for the first time, especially one who is seeking a long term arrangement, you would want to put your best foot forward.

 

It never ceases to amaze me how someone is will to forego a large sum of money (10K+ in this case) for a couple hundred dollars to be fair and respectful to the client.

[Guest PWIT]

jeddinger, I am confused with the verb tense in your post. Have you already met? Did you cancel? Do you still hope to meet? Knowing this will allow the advice to be better tailored for your situation.

[jeddinger]

Have not met....in discussion only. Not feeling good about meeting unless I feel I'm being treated fairly. Waiting to see if anything changes on his part. Absent that, we likely will not meet. Trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.

[Lookin]

< Was I wrong to feel this way? >

 

Nope. You feel the way you feel, and there’s no question of being wrong. I think most people would feel the same way you do but, even if they didn’t, it’s still a perfectly valid way for you to feel.

 

Not knowing all the details, it sounds like the guy was thinking about himself, and not thinking about you. That’s a bummer, for most folks. But there could be a bunch of different explanations: he was preoccupied, he assumed it wouldn’t be a big deal, he’s not a thoughtful person, he’s not good with numbers, he’s providing an experience and not just a fixed number of hours, he’s selfish, he’s rude, and/or something else. Many of us would assume the worst. But, until you ask him, or until you get to know what he’s about, you won’t know why he behaved in what appears to be an inconsiderate manner.

 

If the question is what to do about it, that will also be completely up to you. I expect there are some clients who may be turned on by being mistreated, and would enjoy the date even more. There are others who would let a big dick and a nice smile trump a selfish attitude, and go ahead with the hookup anyway.

 

Personally, I don’t enjoy being with inconsiderate people. If my gut told me he’s just a self-centered person, I’d tell him the new terms just didn’t work for me, and let’s hold off on getting together. If I wasn’t sure what to think, I’d ask him why his rates didn’t change along with the time; if he came across as self-centered, I’d pass. But if he apologized for any misunderstanding, and offered to make it right, I’d be his new best client.

 

Of course, that’s just me, and there are as many ways to handle this situation as there are individuals. I believe the only thing that holds true in all cases is to offer your respect to the escort, and to look for his in return. If respect is missing on either side, I think you’ve got the makings of a bad date.

[jeddinger]

One of the things I made (or tried to make) clear from the beginning is that I treat every guy I hire with respect, including where we stay, how I behave with him in public, in the bed, etc. And I ask for the same in return.

 

Just once I'd like to hire someone who treats me well from first e-mail to the kiss goodbye. Where are they? Are my expectations unreal?

 

I hate being a time slot on someones schedule, or just another paying customer.

 

I go to great lengths to keep up my end of an agreement, yet it always seems so unbalanced. They'll just cram in as many guys as they can, quantity over quality.

[Louis]

You are hiring a person to provide a service...he does not sell material things like cars and such, so the only thing he is selling is himself. I would think if he wants to edit the time, then he has to edit the fee, or do it when he can give you the amount of hours you want.

I also think that it sounds like you have had some bad luck with a few escorts. If you can't find an escort in your area that meets your needs, then I would consider hiring one or two of the escorts that chat here. I have no doubt that AS, BN, Juan, Socker Boy, Rick and or Derek, Anton, Greg or Steven Draker (sorry if I missed some good guys) would give you the time of your life.

So why not go with one of these guys who has a proven track record, and see how a REAL escort treats you.

You basically know the personality of the escorts who post here, so I would strongly suggest you go that route....

You deserve class and these guys provide class.

[jeddinger]

Louis, you make a good point.

 

While I was reading the various threads in the MC, the escort in question e-mailed me again to FURTHER reduce the meeting duration, this time with a rate reduction (must have been reading the MC!).

 

I then got lectured about how he has a lot of close friends, full time job and a social life to run and his schedule is getting packed. That may be true, by why then, would he make a committment to me that he did not intend to honor? And does he think hearing that is going to make me feel good? Does he even care?

 

It sounded like something better came up so I had to get pushed back a few more hours, making full fee out of the question, even in his selfish mind.

 

Needless to say I offered to do my part to free up his packed schedule and cancelled. The mood had long been ruined. And I hate to even admit ths because there are those who know who I am, but I was in tears sitting here, because he made me feel like shit.

 

So, here's a call out to any escort who has read this thread and thinks they can show me how it's supposed to be and feel. Respected, cared about, the center of your attention while we're together, pleasant experience from initation to goodbye. I eagerly await your e-mail.

 

 

PM me...

[Lookin]

Nice work, J, and quick too! In your earlier post, you did make it clear that you both offer respect, and look to get it in return. It sounds like you “evened things up” nicely when it became clear that you had given more than you received.

 

You seem to live your life in such a way that you deserve the respect of others. If you don’t feel you’re getting it, I’m sure it’s their issue and not yours. I’m also sure that, after you’ve had a little time to reflect, you’ll realize that the guy you “freed up” is not one of the people who deserves the power to make you feel bad. In my opinion, that power should always be reserved for people who work at life as hard as you do.

 

I think Louis made a great suggestion about hooking up with an escort that is as straightforward and fair as you are. And your “call to arms” was inspired! Bet it leads to the overnighter of your dreams. After all, fair is fair! :P

[Louis]

That's the whole thing.. do you want to spend time with a guy, who isn't a class act. You already feel down about the situation, and the idea of hiring an escort is to feel better, not worse.

Maybe some of the escorts that read the forum here will send you an email...hard to say. What I would do, is email the one that turns you on the most, or that lives closest to you.

Don't expect them to make the first move, because these guys don't want to walk over each other....mind you if one or more does send you an email, you could consider other posibilities.

I have no doubt that you will be treated with such respect, and have such a great time, that it will stay with you for years.

You deserve the best, so why not hire the best...and IMHO the best can be found here....they share their thoughts with us daily, and who wouldn't want to meet each one of these gentlemen in person.

I don't want to sound like a "mark", but from the time that I joined this site, it didn't take me long to figure out who the best are.

So send out an email or two. Several of the escorts have links to their emails at the bottom of their postings.

YOU WILL BE HAPPY YOU DID.

[jeddinger]

I have had one guy PM me so far, and welcome others who feel they are qualified to do the same.

[+ deej]

Something about this doesn't add up to me.

 

You talk about an overnight, but then you say it's worth 10K+.

 

Honey, if you're paying that much for an overnight be happy it won't be happening! (Unless it's Orlando Bloom or Ryan Phillipe.)

 

If you are thinking 10K over time, well take that right off the table. Potential clients are CONSTANTLY approaching escorts promising a regular thing (and fishing for a lower rate accordingly). You can probably guess how many times the "regular thing" fails to materialize.

 

You don't earn frequent flier miles with an airline by promising to fly on them a lot. You earn those miles by ACTUALLY flying.

 

With that off the table, you're talking about a single overnight. I'm willing to be flexible with scheduling on an overnight. I certainly don't want the escort to feel like he's punching a timeclock. (Ding! 9:00! Time to suck my cock! Ding! 9:15! My turn!) Life happens.

 

The only real hard-and-fast definition of an overnight is that it span the night. Beyond that, the definition is a living thing in itself.

 

You've heard from at least one escort on this thread who defines it as "12 hours". That's a fine definition (ding! time's up!), but it's not the only definition.

 

I mean this to sound friendly, but I know it won't. It seems like you've approached this with some degree of inflexibility and the escort has tried to make it work when his situation changed. He could have just called it off when the change came about but he seems to have genuinely attempted to accommodate you in his own (admittedly clumsy) way.

 

Relax. Breathe deeply. It's just sex. It's supposed to be fun! It WILL NOT be fun, ever, if it causes you this much angst.

[jeddinger]

Deej,

 

No it was not 10K for an o/n, so fine, take that off the table. I don't need to have that discussion here.

 

How do you call shortening the duration repeatedly without offering to change the rate "making it work"? Or bumping me after we reached an agreement so he could do other things? The whole conversation transpired over a few hours, so the fact that his situation kept changing was odd to me. Had it been over a week it might have been more realistic. And please understand, when we say "situation changed" it means the escort accepted other offers AFTER he'd already made a committment to someone else who was prepeared to honor their end of the agreement. We're not talking death in the family, work schedule, dr appt. etc.

 

Me inflexible? If you call entering into an agreement and expecting someone to honor it, inflexible, fine I'm guilty as charged. If someone sends you an e-mail with a rate and a specific start and stop time, would it not be the escort who is inflexible? I was quite flexible, agreeing to the initial time frame, then agreeing to the second time frame, and then finally the third change is when I pushed back. I also gave him the choice of multiple days to see which fit his schedule best. Did I miss something? BTW who is the customer here?

 

He made it sound like he was doing me a favor when he offered to lower the rate after dropping it from 14 hrs to 9...gee thanks! Would you have agreed to the same rate for a reduction of 5 hrs?

 

And no it's not just sex, at least not with me. That's only one component of why I hire and what I look for.

[+ deej]

>The whole conversation transpired over a few hours

 

Well, well. New information! From your original post, I thought this was a lengthy discourse over quite some time. Congratulations for getting a guy to reply to this many emails in just a few hours! Wow!

 

So you "met" someone in email and attempted to arrange an overnight "over a few hours" and he tried to work it in. I'm not sure I'd set up an overnight with a guy I've never met "over a few hours". But that's just me.

 

I still think there are things here we're not hearing.

 

But don't get me wrong! You DO have a right to feel the way you do. It IS the way you feel! I'm not trying to take that away from you.

[Louis]

Sounds great....I expect to read a really good review...

[jeddinger]

I'm offended you think I'm leaving something out, I'm not.

 

Oh yeah. The only thing I've left out is the persons name. I've told every other detail I can think of. I saw the persons escort ad, contacted them to schedule an overnight a few weeks from now, not for tonight, or a few day from now, so no it was not a last minute request.

 

I had nothing to do with the speed or quantity of the e-mails, we both happened to be off today and online.

 

But fine, I get the point. Just take what I can get and be happy someone even wants to spend time with me. Don't dare ask questions, or expect to be treated fairly, and all the flexibility should be on my end. Got it.

 

Thanks for your support.

[+ deej]

I'm sorry.

 

I do think something doesn't ring up quite right, and I like the cash register to balance. You had a conversation over the course of a few hours that went from "Mr. Right for an overnight" to the worst experience ever. Did you ever talk to him on the phone?

 

You do NOT have to be a doormat. (I recommend against it, actually.) But I've seen absolutely NO backing down from you that there is absolutely nothing about this exchange that MAY have MIGHT POSSIBLY been on your side that soured the deal.

 

This is a two-way street and I've only seen you going one way.

 

I know you think I don't have sympathy, but I truly do.

 

And now you're all defensive and hostile. I'll back out of this discussion.

[Guest arbee]

"I felt I was being unfairly treated and disrespected. Was I wrong to feel this way?"

 

Why do you feel the need to have your feelings ratified by a bunch of strangers? Your words tell us that the "well is poisoned" -- why not just move on?

[Guest zipperzone]

>I then got lectured about how he has a lot of close friends,

>full time job and a social life to run and his schedule is

>getting packed.

 

That's when I would have told him to take a hike.

 

Did his escort ad offer overnights for a certain price, "PROVIDING MY SOCIAL LIFE WITH MY FRIENDS DOES NOT OVERLAP THE TIME I PROMISED YOU"?

 

The child should remember that presumably his "close friends and social life" are not putting a thousand bucks (or whatever) in his jeans. He should be a poster boy for the "me generation"

[Luv2play]

I just read this thread today (Tueday) and actually you left out quite a bit in your first post and thus created a false impression of what was going on between you and the escort. Your later clarifications did put things in perspective but only after Deej teased these facts out. I don't know why you would be upset with an escort trying to arrange for a date that is to take place not on the same day or even this week and because of the date you picked he had to make adjustments to try to make it work. After all, you had lots of time to try to make it work or move on to someone else. And all of this transpired over a few hours by e-mail. I frankly don't see what you got upset about. In any negotiation, there is always some backwards and forwards. If it doesn't turn out right, just move on.

[jeddinger]

I think everyone has made valid points throughout this thread. I wish to end my contribution to it by saying the following.

 

I should have waited until more time passed before starting the thread. Or maybe I should never have started it. I know folks were reading this as an isolated incident, but for me it's another in a series of bad experiences over the past few months. Hence my heightened reaction and vulnerability.

 

I was really looking for a place to vent, and I now realize this was not the best forum in which to do that. My apologizes for wasting folks time.

 

I also apologize if I came off as harsh, defensive or hostile to anyone. I really was not feeling that way inside, but I know how easily misinterpreted e-mail can be. I should have chosen my words more carefully. I'm sorry.

 

Having said all that, I think it's best that I no longer post to the the MC. I will limit my participation to occasionally reading the

threads, but not responding or starting new ones.

 

My hunt for a positive escort encounter will continue, but it will need to be one that I undertake on my own.

 

Be well.

[Guest manrent1]

I think you are correct in not posting on this board my friend - anyone who "ends up in tears" over an email scheduling difficulty with an escort you've never met needs more help than these message boards were ever meant to provide.

 

sorry - but I'm simply giving you an honest opinion.

 

You've blown a simple email exchange WAY out of proportion.

[Guest manrent1]

two more questions about this post -

 

1) what exactly was the reference made to 10K all about?

2) Who ever thinks that an overnight is 14 hours!?! I would say ever 12 hours is stretching it a bit for most guy - I've always thought 8-10 was a typical overnight period -

[SAdler]

Buzzards circling a carcass. ::shaking head::

 

I've become friends with a couple of your naysayers J but their responses do surprise me a bit .. as if they WANT to throw gasoline on your fire.

 

My overnights go dinner to breakfast. For some that's 7 - 8 PM until 7 - 8 the next day, for others it's till 11 AM and others it starts at 6 the evening before. I try to customize my time with anyone for what works for them. As many different type of escorts there are, there are different types of clients. Early risers, "foodies" with 4 hour dinners, bar fly's ... everyone wants something different out of an overnight be it 14 hours when one hour is spent intimately or 8 hours with three intimate sessions.

 

Deej, many of your replies in here take on an escorts point of view which to my knowledge you haven't partaken. Most escorts jump at the chance of an overnight because of it's high value appointment while still being flexible if things go wrong to leave. Travel not so much because once you're there -- you're there. I wont just invite someone to spend the night or drive somewhere to meet them for the overnight without talking extensively first to them but most of my first time meeting inquiries on them go very well.

 

To those encouraging him not to post here ... that's sad. Why on earth would you encourage someone not to use a vital resource in this community. He had a valid question about the give/take between an escort/client in setting up an appointment.

 

I still believe after reading ALL of the facts (including his clarifications -- not intentional omissions) that the escort in question is doing bad business by accepting an appointment then trying to shorten the length of time without adjusting the rate.

 

As a professional, he should have decided if he could take the appointment and stuck to it. If he had other commitments – fine – he should have said as much and been done with it. People keep trivializing this that J should have just moved on but it was a bait and switch. Had the escort just been honest to begin with and said, “I can’t take the appointment, I’m busy. Sorry but please look me up in the future.” J COULD have moved onto someone else.

 

Like many of the posts in these forums he was simply asking for advice, perspective, and seeing if anyone else had dealt with similar situations. To tell him he’s better off not posting here because he can’t handle a couple bad escort experience pretty much sucks.

[Guest manrent1]

Scott - J said he wasn't going to post here anymore and I agreed - not because he "had a couple of bad experiences" but because according to him this was all about a "couple of hours of email" correspondence. I've emailed and had a IM dialogue with you a couple of times Scott and we've never met - I wouldn't judge you by just a couple of emails over a couple of hours. That's what J is doing here.

 

Maybe the escort got cold feet after he was exposed to some of the same confusing facts that J has posted in this thread - we're only hearing one side of the story.

[Charlus]

Jeddinger, I agree with Scott. Don't give up posting here. This site is for people like you and me who want feedback on any of the many aspects of escort hiring. I know only one other person who hires and he would be the only resource of information and experience I would have about the hiring situation if it were not for this board.

 

I also agree with Scott that, from my experience of hiring for overnights, the length of time varies enormously from escort to escort. I always ask the escort what policies he has about the time period. Some have very definite policies (one, for example, set a specified fee for 12 hours, with an additional add on to the fee for every hour over 12), others are fairly vague, particularly when I make it clear that dinner and breakfast are in the picture. (Some indeed seem never to have considered the question before!) In 2006 I hired 8 guys for overnights: two spent approximately 13 1/2 hours with me, two 14 1/2 hours, and four 15 1/2 hours. I have just set up another overnight appointment; when I asked the escort his policies, he said that he was very flexible and usually considered "late afternoon to late morning" of the next day as standard length for an overnight, and he would even be willing to go over this if necessary. If Manrent is finding even 12 hours rare for his overnights, he is, from my experience anyway, getting short changed or hiring the wrong guys. :-) (And the guys I've hired for overnights are all well-known big names in the business.)