Sexual History/HIV Testing - Expectations of Escorts

[guptasa1]

Hey all,

 

I have a question I've been wondering about lately, but since it's a bit uncomfortable, haven't asked until now.

 

What's expected from an escort as far as a client's sexual history and knowing how "at risk they are"?

 

I think I worry too much (not always a bad thing), but since I've been hiring escorts, I've done HIV testing every few months just to be on the safe side (thinking of taking it to every 6 months...I've been doing it every two or so initially). I use the Home Access or Home Access Express tests - FDA approved, discreet, and reliable ELISA-type [i believe] testing you can get from most drug stores.

 

Anyways, I always practice what I consider to be safe sex. (Always use a condom for anything anal on either side of things). Oral sex I do without a condom unless requested (which it never has been), and I VERY occasionally swallow, but I consider oral to be a fairly safe activity based on the latest information available (and I know no sex is 100% safe...but most studies seem to think unprotected oral sex with a healthy mouth/gums is as safe or safer than PROTECTED anal sex). I also choose escorts who I feel regard safety as important themselves.

 

My question is, should I volunteer my sexual history and the date of my last negative test for HIV to any escort before meeting them (or at least engaging in sex), or is it considered unnecessary? It seems so awkward to just say, "By the way, I was last tested for HIV <DATE>, and I've had protected sex except for oral with X partners since then."

 

My big dilemma is, I practice safe sex and realize my risk is fairly low with the activities I engage in. I also pay attention for any SARS (initial HIV) symptoms after an encounter (not that they would necessarily occur, but if I got any flue-like symptoms a few weeks after sex, I think I would insist on testing before my next sexual encounter.) Another problem is that testing constantly would be wasteful timewise and moneywise for me since the tests aren't cheap and it can take up to 6 months for HIV antibodies to show up in the bloodstream even if you are infected (though 13 weeks is considered conclusive in most circles). To test TOO often, then, seems almost paranoid as well as nerve-wracking and expensive, and I notice most people seem to think testing every 6 months is plenty.

 

Anyways, not to be an alarmist, and I genuinely feel I'm safe and take responsible precautions, but I really wanted to know your opinions. I've never been asked for my history, but at the same time, I do worry "what-if" and want to be responsible. I certainly wouldn't be comfortable with even possibly spreading HIV to someone, especially if they didn't know my status even if I didn't know myself (and frankly, if I did have HIV and know it, might only limit myself to HIV-positive partners - I really don't know what I would do in that case). It would also be interesting to know how often escorts test for HIV.

 

Sorry for the uncomfortable subject matter of this post, but I think it's an important question. I also know there are other STD's, and that I'm at more risk for those, especially orally, but frankly, while none of them are pleasant, my biggest concern by far is HIV, and that one's also the hardest to detect initially, so that's why this question is particularly aimed towards that.

 

Thanks all. Hope this will yield some interesting discussion.

[VaHawk]

RE: Sexual History/HIV Testing - Expectations of Escort...

 

>Hey all>

 

This should be "Hey all escorts", as this is the ASK ESCORTS section. Oops let me tiptoe backwards out of here, as I forgot to first ask permission from the escorts to post here.

[guptasa1]

RE: Sexual History/HIV Testing - Expectations of Escort...

 

It's fine with me if clients want to respond too of course! It's just my question is geared towards escorts since they reflect their respective business practices and obviously how they handle risks is probably best answered by them, etc. That said, I'm just as interested in what other clients do to monitor their health, how often they test, what they say to escorts, etc. (And sorry my first post was mostly italicized - it was accidental.)

[Guest Merlin]

RE: Sexual History/HIV Testing - Expectations of Escort...

 

As a client, my practice is very similar too yours. I also use the home tests about every 3-4 months. If they get too expensive, most cities have free testing programs. I never tell an escort that I am HIV negative or recently tested. They never ask, and if you volunteer they will think you are suggesting that you want them to do unprotected sex. The response likely will be "that's fine, but I always practice safe sex". I also try to make a judment about the probable health of the escort and the risk he involves. Twice I have hired muscular bottoms who showed up with a distinct redness over their entire body, like an over-all sunburn. I suspected, but cannot prove, that it was the result of the drug cocktail, including legal steroids. As a result, I was extra-careful and did not suck. I am usually more careful with someone who bottoms, since they are more at risk.

[guptasa1]

RE: Sexual History/HIV Testing - Expectations of Escort...

 

Thanks, Merlin. Glad to know I'm not alone. I too have thought TRYING to bring it up might make me sound like I'm asking for unsafe sex or even trying to hide something, simply because it's such an awkward subject to breach. I think every 3-4 months would be doable for me as far as testing. I'm not aware of any free places that do that around here, but I'll have to check into it - it would certainly be more cost-effective that way. Otherwise, Home Access is a great alternative. (There's another home test out there called Discreet that's supposed to be conclusive after one month, but I can't recommend that one - it's cheaper, but NOT FDA approved, difficult to interpret since you do it yourself, and has a reputation of false positives [and who knows about the negatives].)

[FrancoDiSantisxxx]

Legal (or Illegal) Anabolics

 

>I also try to make a judment about the probable

>health of the escort and the risk he involves. Twice I have

>hired muscular bottoms who showed up with a distinct redness

>over their entire body, like an over-all sunburn. I suspected,

>but cannot prove, that it was the result of the drug cocktail,

>including legal steroids. As a result, I was extra-careful and

>did not suck. I am usually more careful with someone who

>bottoms, since they are more at risk.

 

A few random thoughts:

 

1. There is no anti-retroviral regimen that includes legal steroids; while some medical care providers might prescribe steroids for excessive weight loss, or "wasting," which might be an indication that the 'muscle bottom' was potentially HIV+, it is much more likely an indication of what is likely illegal anabolic steroid abuse arising from a desire to look or be more muscular.

 

2. A distinct redness all over the body might be the consequence of a rash, which is a side effect of a number of drugs, including antiretroviral (anti-HIV) medications, but could just as easily be a side effect from anti-depressants, cold medication, etc. Frankly, once again, "overall" and fairly even redness on the skin, as opposed to what actually looks like a rash (i.e., bumps, abrasions, inconsistent coloration, etc.) is again more a consequence of excessive and therefore likely illegal anabolic steroid abuse.

 

3. Finally, rather than making a judgment about the probable health of anyone, escort or non-escort, why not simply ask? While it is always possible anyone (escort or non-escort) will not respond truthfully, that is why beyond asking, you also ALWAYS practice safer sex activities consistently with everyone under every set of circumstances.

[FrancoDiSantisxxx]

An Escort Answers

 

>What's expected from an escort as far as a client's sexual

>history and knowing how "at risk they are"?

 

I can only speak for myself: I assume, as I believe everyone should, that every person I have sex with, client or not, may be HIV positive. This is the mos sensible approach to safer sex for anyone to take. However, this does not mean that it is unreasonable for an escort or a client to state: "I am HIV-, I practice safe sex and expect to practice safe sex with you if we get together. What is your HIV status?"

 

That said, I belive most good escorts, certainly the ones who post here and the ones I know personally, get tested frequently; in the Los Angeles area, several entities offer the oral HIV test, being non-invasive, it is one you can do frequently. I personally believe in using that test two quarters and the remaining two quarters of the year are followed up with actual blood test. At that time, I also do a battary of other tests, including STD testing.

 

I also think most of the good escorts would be responsible and even decline to see clients when they have other reasons, such as a cold or other lesser illness.

[guptasa1]

RE: An Escort Answers

 

Thanks for the response. I wasn't even aware there WERE reliable oral tests for HIV. Are there places that do this for free, and how quickly do you see results if you don't mind me asking? As a client, I feel a responsibility to keep up on my health as well. I know there are some escorts out there that are HIV+ and are very open about that with potential clients, and I really appreciate that honesty.

 

I certainly see what you're saying about assuming anyone you have sex with could be HIV+. I'd like to ask, out of curiosity, if you'd still see a client if beforehand he told you outright he was HIV+ since you make the assumption anyone may be? I hope that's not an over-the-line question, but I'm legitimately curious.

 

I would have no problem if an escort asked for my status. My biggest issue is breaching the subject initially, actually. I'd feel very uncomfortable just volunteering that information (for reasons mentioned above), and I'm also somewhat uncomfortable (though not quite as much) in outright asking their status. Since I always engage in safe sex, I generally note their policy on that more than anything. If they're insistent on safe sex as well, I consider it a very good sign. (I would be much more worried, for instance, if, say, an escort asked if I'd like it bareback.)

[Guest Merlin]

RE: Legal (or Illegal) Anabolics

 

Thanks Franco for your response. I have asked other bodybuilders if steroids cause an overall redness (not a rash) and they said no. I am confident the escorts I mentioned were using steroids--they were very hard and had very hard butts (difficult to accomplish without steroids). But I suspected that in addition to the steroids, probably legal to avoid wasting, they were using the cocktail. I admit I have not real reason to believe it. Both by the way were muscular bottoms who are do seem to be more at risk.

I have asked some escorts if they are HIV negative and they always say no. But since I didn't fell it could rely upon it I stopped asking. I always practice safer sex (it is never totally safe), but I feel there is a little more risk in sucking even though most studies say that the risk is minimum. But I feel less confident about some escorts, after they show up, than others, in which case I don't suck.

[+ Lucky]

RE: Legal (or Illegal) Anabolics

 

"I have asked some escorts if they are HIV negative and they always say no."

 

Really? I hope that you act accordingly. And my experience with steroid users is that they do get red, especially in the face, neck and upper chest.

[guptasa1]

RE: Legal (or Illegal) Anabolics

 

I think he probably meant "positive" and just was typing quickly.

[Guest Merlin]

RE: Legal (or Illegal) Anabolics

 

You are right of course, I asked if they were positive and they said no. Since you dare not rely on the answer, there seems little purpose in asking the question.

[guptasa1]

RE: Legal (or Illegal) Anabolics

 

True. The only reason asking the question would help is, if they said they were NOT positive, it would make me feel a little better, but the difference is marginal since it's safe sex anyways.

 

By the way, this thread sparked me into looking for local clinics to test for HIV free (believe it or not, I never really thought to look before), and I actually found one not far from here - even within walking distance. The only downside is that the results take two weeks to get, whereas Home Access Express only takes 3 days (but at a cost of around $70). For some reason, after I take a test like this, I get real anxious and worry until I get the results, but hopefully I can just let that go this time and basically forget about it until the two weeks are up. The good news is, a free clinic is obviously a much cheaper solution for me, so I can test as frequently as I like.

 

Anyhow, thanks for all the responses so far - I'd still love to see some more escorts (and clients too) respond to the original questions.

[Guest Yog-Sothoth]

RE: Legal (or Illegal) Anabolics

 

>True. The only reason asking the question would help is, if

>they said they were NOT positive, it would make me feel a

>little better, but the difference is marginal since it's safe

>sex anyways.

 

 

There is an escort who has posted here, who I think lives in Seattle, who has a note on his reviews here saying he is HIV+ and wants his clients to know this upfront.

 

(There is some poor spelling in the note which I wish he would correct, since I think the fact he *is* honest about this should not have anything taken away because of how it is written.)

 

I would have no problem with seeing an HIV+ escort, even though I am HIV- myself. It is going to be safe sex even if I knew for certain he was negative.

 

By telling me he is positive and a condom blows or something else happens, there are some medical steps then can sometimes be taken right away to limit the risk of infection. And for me such honesty by an escort I would find really appealing in their character.

[seaboy4hire]

RE: Legal (or Illegal) Anabolics

 

Hey there guys and Yog-Sothoth! Yes it is me the boy from Seattle. As Yog-Sothoth I posted on my review page that I am hiv positive quite some time ago. I did this for a couple reasons. The first being I think it is important that any potential client know my status for their own health and for of course legal reasons. The second being beleve it or not there are a lot of hiv positive guys who feel very isolated and I was one of them when I first found out. A lot of positive guys have seeked my services because they felt that it was safer to play with another positive person and not run the risk of infecting someone else. Also shortly after probably within a few hours that the message I posted on my page I recieved so many emails from guys thanking me for my honesty and espcialy the courage to so since not very many escorts are honest about their status because of the fact it can and does hurt their biz. Well that is all I have to say for now. Hope you all had a good weekend.

 

Hugs,

Greg

Greg Seattle Wa seaboy4hire@yahoo.com

http://www.male4malescorts.com/reviews/gregseattle.html http://briefcase.yahoo.com/seaboy4hire

[guptasa1]

RE: Legal (or Illegal) Anabolics

 

Hi Greg (and Yog-Sothoth),

 

I noticed that note actually, and I think it's awesome you're honest about your status, Greg! I think in the end it'll actually help your business for the reasons you stated.

 

I'm going to be completely honest here - I would be comfortable to see a HIV+ escort and engage in activities like light kissing, snuggling, cuddling, mutual touching, tickling, kink like spanking and bondage, masturbation, and anything else that didn't involve any form of penetration. I honestly don't know that I would be comfortable with deep kissing or anal or oral sex with an HIV+ escort, even if protected - probably not, and PLEASE don't take that as discriminatory - it would just make me worry too much.

 

BUT, if hypothetically someday something happened and I indeed did become HIV+, he would probably be the first guy I turned to because I'm one of those people who would be more comfortable with an HIV+ escort if I was HIV+ myself. I probably wouldn't hire HIV- escorts because I'd be too worried the other way around...or at least if I did, inform them and limit the experience to the activities I mentioned above.

 

I think your honesty is WONDERFUL, Greg, and I'm sure HIV+ clients out there are very grateful for your honesty and that there's someone they can feel safe with and won't have to worry either way (though I know you still have to be wary of different strains). I hope more escorts out there who are positive will follow your example.

[nate_sf]

RE: An Escort Answers

 

>Thanks for the response. I wasn't even aware there WERE

>reliable oral tests for HIV. Are there places that do this

>for free, and how quickly do you see results if you don't mind

>me asking?

 

I just had this test for the first time at a street fair. It's very easy to administer, although the waiting period is the same as otehr clinical tests: 2 weeks. Apparently the oral tests are more expensive than blood tests, so I wouldn't be surprised if they're hard to come by for free.

 

>I certainly see what you're saying about assuming anyone you

>have sex with could be HIV+. I'd like to ask, out of

>curiosity, if you'd still see a client if beforehand he told

>you outright he was HIV+ since you make the assumption anyone

>may be?

 

I've never had a client tell me directly that he was HIV+, although I've guessed some (many) have been. Yes, I'd still see an HIV+ client since I know, just in terms of the numbers, that I've already seen HIV+ guys. This is why safer play is important all the time, since not all are comfortable talking about it.

 

>I would have no problem if an escort asked for my status. My

>biggest issue is breaching the subject initially, actually.

>I'd feel very uncomfortable just volunteering that information

>(for reasons mentioned above), and I'm also somewhat

>uncomfortable (though not quite as much) in outright asking

>their status.

 

Don't be. Just simply as, "do you know your HIV status?" if you absolutely must ask. It's what we all are dealing with and should be discussed openly. But this is tricky business, since test results only reflect a point in time a while back, and don't reflect what someone's been up to lately.

 

>Since I always engage in safe sex, I generally

>note their policy on that more than anything. If they're

>insistent on safe sex as well, I consider it a very good sign.

 

This is useful pre-screening on your part. You'll at least know you're both on the same page when you reach for the condoms, so hopefully some of the awkwardness you may feel around the subject will lift. But by all means don't feel ashamed to talk about it if you want to get it off your chest... you may be surprised how easy it actually is.

[seaboy4hire]

RE: An Escort Answers

 

Hmmm ok with all this talk lately about hiv status and such and people already just to be on the safe side assuming that the person they are going to be having sex with is positive I'd like to throw a thought I have been having lately. Just because your test comes back negitive don't take that as being 100% true. Why you might ask? Well think about it you get tested great but it only goes back so far. What sexual activities did you partake in while waiting for that test to come back? You know that it can take 3-6 months for the virus to come up on the tests? And sometimes longer. So just because your test came up negitive don't assume it's 100%. I don't know just a thought. If I am wrong and there is a Doctor in the group please correct me.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[VaHawk]

RE: An Escort Answers

 

You are preaching to the choir, man. Not their fault, but most of the posters on this board are totally ignorant about AIDS. They continue to engage in risky behavior then frantically search the web for any kind of test/validation for their risky behavior.

 

They grasp at any straw out there that will ease their minds, ala the stupid, useless over the counter test that is highly inaccurate and that is rife not only with false positives but also false negatives and which serves no purpose except to provide the tester with a false sense of security.

 

There are so many strains of HIV, with varying incubation periods and mutation capabilites, that even a private physician in depth testing is not a guarantee of non-infection.

 

It really is sad, that they think that whatever they do, they feel perfectly safe because the CVS test says so, when no sexual encounter, especially with a total stranger, and especially with a multi-partnered stranger escort is safe.

 

There are some posters here, such as Franco, that know what they are talking about, but imo, there are 10 times as many that just spout words, without any personal experience.

 

HIV is not a death sentence, but you wouldn't think that based on the majority of the posts on this site. I thank you and admire you for being honest on this topic and for helping to set the record straight. You are an inspiration for all gay men, both esort and non-escort.

[guptasa1]

RE: An Escort Answers

 

A few comments:

 

I actually did try asking a nearby escort I'm interested in their status and telling them my own, and it went very well as some of you guys predicted. I'm glad the conversation happened too. I may even make it standard practice - it couldn't hurt anything.

 

Greg, I'm not a doctor, but I think you're absolutely right. I did a lot of research at one point on this subject a few months ago (frankly, becuase at one point I got really scared...mostly from what I later figured out was misplaced guilt after the first time I had sex with an escort and the coincidental flu I got a few weeks later), and most of the tests out there are based on ELISA (looking for HIV antibodies), which is considered conclusive by many experts at 13 weeks, though the FDA still gives it 6 months.

 

There are other tests you can do that look for the virus itself (I believe one is called a PCR DNA test), but unfortunately it's also a very expensive test and not at all economical. The advantage of this test is that I believe it can pick up whether you have HIV much sooner and more conclusively than the other methods.

 

(If you're wondering where I've gotten most of this information, a great resource was http://www.aidsmeds.com - specifically for me the forum about fears of getting HIV, though the site itself has a lot of good information for both HIV- and HIV+ people - I learned a lot there.)

 

Anyway, for most of us that want to test (and can't afford the really expensive ones), it's impossible to say you're conclusively negative unless you haven't had sex for at least 13 weeks and tested after that point.

 

For me, it's just a matter of keeping up on it as much as possible and testing regularly just to ease my mind and get as early treatment as possible if I did test positive (which is always possible for anyone having sex, safe or not, unfortunately). If someday I was positive, I'd at least have an idea of the time period I was infected to notify people (as hard as that would be).

[guptasa1]

RE: An Escort Answers

 

VaHawk, there are some different strains of HIV and such admittedly, and I am NOT a medical expert, but I fully believe there are also some reliable home tests out there (or rather one). Home Access, the one I've used, is FDA approved and tested as very reliable. There are others, such as Discreet, which I would NOT trust. In fact, I don't think drug stores in the US even carry any other tests other than Home Access. (And it is a bonafide lab test - you actually take a blood sample and send it in.)

[Guest Yog-Sothoth]

RE: An Escort Answers

 

>Hmmm ok with all this talk lately about hiv status and such

>and people already just to be on the safe side assuming that

>the person they are going to be having sex with is positive

>I'd like to throw a thought I have been having lately. Just

>because your test comes back negitive don't take that as being

>100% true. Why you might ask? Well think about it you get

>tested great but it only goes back so far. What sexual

>activities did you partake in while waiting for that test to

>come back? You know that it can take 3-6 months for the virus

>to come up on the tests? And sometimes longer. So just because

>your test came up negitive don't assume it's 100%. I don't

>know just a thought. If I am wrong and there is a Doctor in

>the group please correct me.

 

 

You are very right that the test do not show your are positive for anywhere for 3-6 months and, like anything, that can vary even further from person to person. There are also such things as false negatives and false positives. Like most tests it is not 100% accurate.

 

In my case, I haven't had sex in over a decade. I've seen meet with an escort (who because of his other job gets tested every month) and, well, haven't done much yet.

 

(We spend too much time talking. The last time we meet, we spent 2 hours just talking before anything happened. The escort lost track of time too; he didn't belief that much time had passed. That has always been a problem for me; I end up talking and listening (many people find it easy to talk with me) way too much with someone I want to go to bed with. But that's for another topic.)

 

Greg, if I lived in your area (instead of on the other side of the country) I would already have been in touch with you to set up a meeting. Honesty and cute; how can that not be appealing?!