Asking for description of potential client

[uwsider]

Maybe I'm off base, but I just had an experience that completely turned me off. I was just at the point of booking, in fact I was committed, and then received a request for a description of myself. At this point I reneged on my offer. Maybe I'm off-base, but I find it offensive to be held to a "particular standard" as a client. I'm certainly not grotesque, in fact, I'm told frequently that I'm attractive, but since when does one have to "conform" to particular physical standard to "hire?"

[+ deej]

If he asked cordially and just wanted to get an idea what he was getting into, you're probably over-reacting.

 

If he said "you must be THIS attractive" then you're not.

 

But it's his decision who he'll see, not yours.

[marc anthony]

>If he asked cordially and just wanted to get an idea what he

>was getting into, you're probably over-reacting.

>

>If he said "you must be THIS attractive" then you're not.

>

 

I have to chime in agreement with deej on this one. I have had many very friendly and cute escorts ask me for my stats ahead of time, just to know "what to expect." Have yet to have one turn me down because of stats, and if one would, then I certainly wouldn't have wanted to have a session with him anyway! If he couldn't at least get somewhat into the sex, why would I want to pay him to try?

 

So I really don't think asking for stats is that terrible a thing in and of itself... the manner of asking and the motive for asking could be.

[uwsider]

Your point is well-taken. However, I think the thing that I found "off-putting" was that this request came after we had discussed fees, location, et al. It seemed to me that it should have come up earlier in the negotiation, but perhaps I'm wrong -- just trying to learn the protocol.

[marc anthony]

>Your point is well-taken. However, I think the thing that I

>found "off-putting" was that this request came after we had

>discussed fees, location, et al. It seemed to me that it

>should have come up earlier in the negotiation, but perhaps

>I'm wrong -- just trying to learn the protocol.

 

This actually speaks in favor of the escort. If he asked you for your stats AFTER he had agreed to time, place, and fee, I doubt your answer would have affected your meeting. He was probably just curious about you, like many human beings would be. If he asked early in the negotiation, then he is more likely asking to decide if he wants to see you at all or whether he is going to "adjust" his fee based on what you say.

 

We are all speculating of course. Bottom line... if it made you uncomfortable, then it was your right to cancel. And it certainly was his right to ask as well.

[Justice]

It all depends on how it was asked. (The question probably should have been asked earlier in your discussions.) It happened to me once, in a non-escort situation. I briefly tried to use the personals in an unsuccessful (and expensive ) attempt to hook up with someone. I had several very nice/friendly telephone conversations with a guy whose ad I answered. We were at the point where we were going to meet for coffee. He suddenly asked me what I looked like. I was shocked, but answered honestly. There was no noticeable change in his demeanor, but I was so put off by his request that I decided not to go through with the date. I sometimes can't help but wonder if I made the right decision. I no longer use the personals, but hiring an escort is very much like going on a blind date. I now make sure that I honestly describe myself whenever I see someone new -- both in escort and non-escort situations. That way we everyone knows exactly what they're getting into. Just my two cents. Hope it helps.

[+ deej]

>Your point is well-taken. However, I think the thing that I

>found "off-putting" was that this request came after we had

>discussed fees, location, et al. It seemed to me that it

>should have come up earlier in the negotiation, but perhaps

>I'm wrong -- just trying to learn the protocol.

 

As Marc says, it's his right to ask. But he may just be trying to make small talk.

 

Two well-reviewed escorts in the LA area have put me in the same position lately. They weren't out of line in anything they said, but both showed attitude I just didn't want to deal with.

 

You need to decide whether he's just trying to chat with you or setting limits based on your answers. It really could go either way. And he deserves the benefit of the doubt if he's just trying to be chatty.

[FrancoDiSantisxxx]

An Escort Answers

 

I believe asking for photographs to meet a client or having standards which a client must meet are inappropriate and I personally do not engage in those practices. However, I do not believe the way I choose to run my business is how every other escort should. So long as the contact with a client is courteous and professional, any dialogue you may mutually engage in should be considered acceptable. Whether or not either the client or the escort proceeds with the engagement based on such dialogue is, of course, to the indiviudal person's discretion.

 

That said, it is always a fair and reasonable person to ask: what are you looking for, what, in essence, are your expectations? No escort, no matter how well reviewed, is a mind reader. In order to make the experience as memorable and enjoyable for you, what you expect and any information your escort should know to help meet your expectations, is pertinent. If your escort is 5'5" and weighs 135 pounds and you are 6'4" and weigh 225 and expect him to top you, that is pertinent, would you not agree?

 

UPDATED - http://www.gaydar.co.ukfrancodisantis

[uwsider]

Based on the replying posts, I'm feeling like I did over-react. Still, I've have some incredible experiences -- a number of them that lasted for a considerable length of time, where I was not initially asked for this type of information. But, maybe I need to lighten up and be more open to this. Thanks to everyone for your feedback.;-)

[buttnovice]

for me. . . . I prefer that at some point an escort ask some basic or even detailed questions about me. In fact, I'm usually suspicious if they don't. We're talking about the potential of very close and personal company. If they don't ask, it gives them an a chance to backout for whatever reason.

 

Any consumer should have no reservation in asking for a detailed description of the product. A true professional/salesman will ask direct and relevant questions to determine if they can match product with consumer demand. Then both parties can make the determination if they can satisfy the demands of both sides of the table. Would you ask anything less of a realtor? After all, aren't they salesmen as well?

 

Most important is that both sides respond accurately and honestly within the given limits of disclosure. Do you still beat your wife?. . . does the roof leak? . . . can you respond to the quesiton negatively or positively?

 

Let's not be afraid of the questions, only the responses. Butt do ask!

[Huey]

uwsider I include my stats in the initial contact with the escort. That usually makes them feel at ease. As others have mentioned it's just human nature to be curious who you're meeting.

 

Don't get discouraged by what happened to you. It doesn't sound as if he was all that interested, more curious. Though whenever you personally feel there is a red flag ... move on!

 

When an escort asks for a pic that is going too far and an instant no hire for me .

 

-----------

WAR IS OVER

if you want it

GIVE PEACE A CHANCE

[VaHawk]

Like others I always give an accurate description of myself right at the start. I also tell the escort what I am interested in doing. I would prefer to have an honest rejection at the start than a line of bs from someone who really can't perform as promised. After all, if the escort is reviewed here and/or has a web page, we as clients, have a good idea of what he is like and he has an equal right to know what we are like - he is a MALE escort and can't just lie there and fake it like a FEMALE escort. I know this is not possible if the initial contact is available only thru a phone call. I myself do not contact any escort who is available only thru a phone call, unless I have seen good reviews of him on this site. Otherwise, fair or not, I view them as just an expensive hustler rather than an escort.

 

;-) ;-) ;-) ;-)

[Guest Dan]

I always ask a client what he looks like. No one's ever objected and they seem to find it a fair question. In fact, I'd say that about 40% of my clients tell me before I ask.

 

On the other hand, I can always tell a jerk off call though when someone calls and starts telling you how hot they are!

 

Dan Dare

http://gaydar.co.uk/dandarela

[Uncle Bill]

I also include my stats and other personal comments about myself in my initial contact with any escort (however, I don't have a picture to provide them with online -- and wouldn't provide it if I did). To my knowledge, the inclusion of my info (which is not very flattering) has only caused one guy to turn me away, and as Marc mentioned, I'm just as glad that he did since I want be with guys who can get into the moment. I have a pretty good track record with the guys I've hired, probably because I stay away from those with reviews or ads indicating that we wouldn't be a suitable match.

[Guest jack8091us]

I always meet an escort in a public place (convention hotel bar, etc.). I have to describe myself to him as I expect him to approach me. Also, from the escort's standpoint, if I were coming to him, he should know who is on the other side of the door. Who knows, he may greet the cable guy in a surprising manner. So, maybe he had to know what you looked like although you didn't mention the location of the meeting.

 

Jack

[Guest Merlin]

I disagree. When the escort asks for a description, it suggests that he is hoping for someone young and beautiful and will be unhappy about anything else. Lets face it, most gays are painfully aware of their physical flaws. The question only serves to remind the client and insures that he will be doubly self conscious when the meeting occurrs and suggests that the escort will be very judgmental about any flaws. It is a real turn off for me and I have cancelled meetings because the question was asked, and for no other reason.

[Rick Munroe]

I never ask anything. I've always felt it shouldn't matter & it's rude...I'd hate to be asked if I were the client. If the guy wants to give me any information he thinks I should know, that's cool...but usually I forget it anyway (unless it's something he specifically wants to do or not do; his stats go in one ear & out the other) & am therefore still surprised when we meet. Having said that, I think any escort who wants to know, if he does it in a polite & non-insulting way, should ask away. If it's gonna matter to him, isn't it better that he know so he can tell you it isn't gonna work for him? (sorry for the 2 "gonnas" in that sentence; I'm listenin' to Springsteen & now I'm typin' like 'im)

 

Two quickies on this topic: the other night, a man called with a very thick accent, and began by reciting, "I am going to speak very slowly because I do not speak English very well." I said, "OK, no problem." He went on to ask questions: "Are you white people?" I said, "Yes, I am." "Are you hairy mans?" "Yes, I am." "Are you handsome face?" The questions went on like that, and when he was done, I asked where he was from. He got very angry. "Why that matters?" "I'm just curious." "It should not matter. My information not important! Your information only important!" I explained that in America, this is just conversation; that it didn't matter where he was from, that I just wanted to know. He got extremely insulted & hung up. Oops.

 

This afternoon, a guy called and after asking me if I bottom, if I kiss, etc., asked my in-rate. I answered, "220/hr." He said, "Oh...hmmm...well, you didn't ask me what I look like." I said, "I know...I never do. It's not my place to ask that." He said, "But I could be old and ugly!" (don'tcha love how those 2 are always coupled together, like there are no handsome older men or ugly younger men?) I said, "That would be fine." He said, "But aren't you curious??" OK, fine, he was begging for me to ask so I asked. "OK, what do you look like?" Imagine my shock when he answered, "I'm 28 years old, 6'2", muscular, and VGL." (Yes, he actually said, "VGL," not "very good looking.") I said, "Oh, that's very nice." Pause. "So...how about a discount?" Bingo! "Well, I was going to give you the old-n-ugly sympathy discount, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to give you the VGL price increase." (OK, I didn't actually say that last part; it was just funnier than what I actually said, which was "No, sorry; my fee is non-negotiable," but what a dull ending that would have been)

[woodlawn]

There is no custom or protocol in hiring an escort because it is an underground business with no commonly accepted standards or principles. This is why when you ask this sort of question you get answers that are all over the map as they are in this thread. So don't feel that if some people give an answer that is different from yours it means you are 'wrong.'

 

My personal custom is that I don't offer any particular information about myself when hiring an escort but at the end of our conversation I always ask if he has any questions. Only a tiny minority have ever asked me anything.

 

If an escort asked for my 'stats' it would turn me off because that is the sort of question you get asked when making a real date, and as far as I'm concerned the whole point of hiring escorts is to avoid the rituals of dating. If an escort asks you anything that makes you feel uncomfortable it is probably best to try someone else, since feeling comfortable is the whole purpose of this.

[Rick Munroe]

>feeling comfortable is the whole purpose of this.

 

Well...partially true; it's more than just being comfortable...that makes escorting sound like Archie Bunker's chair. Isn't excitement the whole purpose?

[uwsider]

>>feeling comfortable is the whole purpose of this.

>

>Well...partially true; it's more than just being

>comfortable...that makes escorting sound like Archie

>Bunker's chair. Isn't excitement the whole purpose?

>

\

 

I think in this context "comfortable" is not meant to preclude "exciting," but rather than one can experience "this excitement" without the self-consciousness that comes with being judged on the basis of one's physical appearance. After all, part of the experience is the whole "fantasy" experience. Its hard to get caught up in the fantasy if you've got to worry about rejection.

[Guest Collie]

I know you are a smart person by what you post and your wealth of knowledge. But your response in this thread to the questions of a 28 year old is great. I love reading threads like this because you realize how people transfer their business negotiating skills into their pleasure. It would never occur to me to negotiate a rate. That is what we did in the marines in foreign lands with street prostitutes. Good for you. I think he was trying to fix a rate and test you.

[Guest Dan]

>

>If an escort asked for my 'stats' it would turn me off

>because that is the sort of question you get asked when

>making a real date, and as far as I'm concerned the whole

>point of hiring escorts is to avoid the rituals of dating.

>If an escort asks you anything that makes you feel

>uncomfortable it is probably best to try someone else, since

>feeling comfortable is the whole purpose of this.

 

That is all well and find, but what if you a client shows up and he's 5'9, an amputee and weighs 325 lbs and the escort can't handle someone with that kind of build, wouldn't it be a waste of the client's time, not to mention embarassing for him?

 

Dan Dare

http://gaydar.co.uk/dandarela

[woodlawn]

>>>feeling comfortable is the whole purpose of this.

 

>>Well...partially true; it's more than just being

>>comfortable...that makes escorting sound like Archie

>>Bunker's chair. Isn't excitement the whole purpose?

 

>I think in this context "comfortable" is not meant to

>preclude "exciting,"

 

Being comfortable with the escort you are hiring is the point. If in your very first conversation he says things that make you feel uncomfortable, then he is probably not someone you should hire.

[woodlawn]

>That is all well and find, but what if you a client shows up

>and he's 5'9, an amputee and weighs 325 lbs and the escort

>can't handle someone with that kind of build, wouldn't it be

>a waste of the client's time, not to mention embarassing for

>him?

 

If an escort has limitations on the kinds of clients he will accept that is something he can bring up without asking the client for his stats. There are escorts who don't accept clients of certain races or of a certain size and who put that information in their ads. That way a client who falls into a group the escort doesn't accept doesn't have to waste his time contacting the escort.

[Rick Munroe]

>I think in this context "comfortable" is not meant to

>preclude "exciting," but rather than one can experience

>"this excitement" without the self-consciousness that comes

>with being judged on the basis of one's physical appearance.

 

I know!!! I was just being a smartass.