I know this isn't WebMD but...

[DallasClient]

I hire escorts and I'm also "gen" to a few regular guys that I spend hours or overnights with. I have a friend who is 23 and I help in lots of ways and he spends the night with me about once every couple weeks. He has never had an orgasm. Not just with me, but ever. He has wet dreams occasionally. He tops, he bottoms, he loves grinding against me and will often grind against me in his sleep . I'm much more curious about this than he is. We rarely talk about as I certainly don't want to make things worse. We are content as things are but has anyone heard of this before? Is there a fix? I'm sure it's a mental block of some sort.

[+ purplekow]

Are you sure he is not having an orgasm or is he just not visibly ejaculating? Very different reasons for these two which easily can be mistaken for each other.

[bostonman]

If he's had wet dreams, that's orgasm. So he's capable of it.

 

I didn't have an orgasm until I was 14, and I seem to think I was a late bloomer lol. I can't imagine not having one by 23. You say you haven't talked about it - does he seem upset by it or are you just assuming he would be?

[DallasClient]

Yes I'm sure. He has wet dreams that are noticed by him the next morning but he doesn't wake up during them. He said he will try once in a while to JO but he tires out and gives up after an hour or so.

[DallasClient]

If he's had wet dreams, that's orgasm. So he's capable of it.

 

I didn't have an orgasm until I was 14, and I seem to think I was a late bloomer lol. I can't imagine not having one by 23. You say you haven't talked about it - does he seem upset by it or are you just assuming he would be?

 

That's my exact assumption - everything seems to work except when he tries. It's rarely mentioned, he refers to it as his dick doesn't work. I got a stimulating vibrating sleeve thingy that I was going to use on him but he kinda had a wierd reaction and said no toys. I don't make a big deal out of it. I just can't imagine not having one ever and if I could give him one, I would like to.

[DallasClient]

The few times, in our earlier days, that I did bring it up, he had a healthy sense of it meaning he doesn't get upset or awkward over it. He doesn't miss what he has never felt. We don't try to get him off.

[bostonman]

Well, I have no idea what it could be - and I won't try to play doctor lol - but despite your desire to want him to cum, it sounds like you otherwise have a nice thing going. Maybe just enjoy him for his uninterrupted stamina, lol?

[RickyDC]

It's a more common issue than people may think. I don't think I had an orgasm until I was 19. And then I could only do it when I was solo.

 

I couldn't orgasm in front of another person until I was like 22. By the time I got to my mid-20s I could orgasm anytime, anywhere, and in front of anyone LoL. For me, it just took experience and time. I didn't really see a therapist or anything like that.

 

However, there are lots of medical/physical reasons that could cause it. If I were him, I'd get checked by a medical doctor, just to make sure it's not something that could easily be remedied or worsen if left untreated. It's nice that you care about him enough to be concerned.

[Gymowner]

it is more than likely a mental issue more so than a physical one if he cant even masturbate on his own yet has nocturnal ejaculations.

 

i came out later in life and as any young man had chronic masturbating issues when young. to this day i have never ejaculated when topping. it doesnt have the same intense sensation needed to cum as masturbating does. quite honestly it allows me to have a better time with my bottom getting him off and just enjoying the time and sensations together. i have been called a sex zen god...lol because i can go and go and go and quite honestly could care less about the actual ejaculating. it allows for more intimate connections with them.

 

just get him to enjoy his physical and mental time with you. emotional sex is just as intense and needed as physical sex.

[DallasClient]

@Gymowner I have another friend who cannot cum when topping anyone and I think that may be somewhat common.

 

I'm primarily a top myself but my friend has mentioned he can top for a couple hours so I can see him being a sex zen god for a bottom too.

 

We do enjoy our time together and I let him grind away as he says he really enjoys it. We'll just go on as usual.

[bostonman]

I used to meet up occasionally with a guy who said he loved getting blown but was never able to cum that way - except when I sucked him. So that was an ego boost for sure, and it was always hot to get that load from him. :D:D:D

 

I think honestly is always best. If a guy knows he tends to have trouble getting off, if he's willing to say something, that's always better. (Likewise, in full disclosure, I very often get off way too fast, and I will tell guys that - often that means we save my orgasm for last, which is usually totally fine.) What I tend to hate are encounters that turn into nothing more than a guy's selfish effort to get off (often just jerking off as I try to make him feel good in other ways), and to be honest, it gets B-O-R--I-N-G real fast. I had one of those a few weeks ago. We were having fun until it was clear that he wasn't getting there, and it turned into exactly what I just said - him furtively working at himself to try to get off as I tried to help by stimulating him other ways. Problem is that there's only so far that goes - and although I really didn't want to break the mood, I finally found a way to gently suggest that I didn't mind if he didn't get off. Frankly, it was a relief to end it there. And it's too bad, because we otherwise did have a nice time.

Edited August 21, 2019 by bostonman

[DallasClient]

I used to meet up occasionally with a guy who said he loved getting blown but was never able to cum that way - except when I sucked him. So that was an ego boost for sure, and it was always hot to get that load from him. :D:D:D

 

I think honestly is always best. If a guy knows he tends to have trouble getting off, if he's willing to say something, that's always better. (Likewise, in full disclosure, I very often get off way too fast, and I will tell guys that - often that means we save my orgasm for last, which is usually totally fine.) What I tend to hate are encounters that turn into nothing more than a guy's selfish effort to get off (often just jerking off as I try to make him feel good in other ways), and to be honest, it gets B-O-R--I-N-G real fast. I had one of those a few weeks ago. We were having fun until it was clear that he wasn't getting there, and it turned into exactly what I just said - him furtively working at himself to try to get off as I tried to help by stimulating him other ways. Problem is that there's only so far that goes - and although I really didn't want to break the mood, I finally found a way to gently suggest that I didn't mind if he didn't get off. Frankly, it was a relief to end it there. And it's too bad, because we otherwise did have a nice time.

 

Yes, it would be a big ego boost for me if I could get him to feel an orgasm but I don't push it.

 

As for your other experience, I have been there too and I hate it!

[bostonman]

The other thing is - I've always tended to call myself a "sensualist" - which to me means that I can actually be happy having an encounter that doesn't involve orgasm. I love exploring a guy's body (some fetishes etc) and being close and intimate - but sometimes it's totally fine if that doesn't include cock play and/or orgasm. I mean, orgasm is awesome, and I love cum lol - but that's only one aspect of being intimate.

 

I actually feel fortunate that I came out just when AIDS was first discovered, and "safe sex" became a term. Because even though sure, I love traditional getting off, I've also always felt that there can be so much more to sex. Unfortunately, I still meet too many guys that just really want to get off and that's it.

[Gymowner]

i know from my sake that the second a guy says "oh daddy i want that big load of yours" now there is no possible way it is gonna happen.