Getting Ghosted

[RyanDean]

I always find it perplexing when an exchange with a gent just goes silent as the date approaches.

 

I find myself in just such a situation as I prepare for a trip. I'd made provisional ("can we pencil that in?") plans with a gent with whom I'd begun to enjoy a quite flirty exchange over text message. It was a brisk, fun, professional exchange of messages that inspired my confidence in the gent (and stirred my enthusiasm for our anticipated encounter). I know, through this forum, that the gent's legit, so that potential explanation is probably not relevant. His ad's still active and RM shows that he's logged in recently. And my pattern of contact has followed the terms we originally set ("I be back in touch the week before I travel...") so it's not me getting overenthusiastic. But it's been two texts (one sent the day before yesterday and the other sent today) that have gotten no response. He may yet reply. Or I may send one last text. Or I might choose instead to contact someone else. We shall see.

 

It's definitely not my first time getting (possibly) ghosted by a gent.

It's an inevitable part of this hobby.

But it always perplexes me... and makes me oddly sad.

[Mocha]

Welcome to the club...

 

I can’t speak on the specific reasons for the person you refer to, as I don’t know his particular situation.

 

But, that’s how people do nowadays. Finding gay sex has become a game of validation, unaccountability, and a numbers game. Now that craigslist has gone, I keep forgetting these creeps are making their way to us...with no outlet to express their “I want to talk about sex, but don’t actually want to meet”.

 

Today I had to stop, breathe, meditate. Collect myself. I’ve let myself get caught up lately in becoming bothered by situations and turning to a monster. This is not who I am.

 

What people need to do is, STOP fucking texting. Stop that shit. I don’t flirt over text with prospective clients, regardless of what people think you should. It’s direct, to the point, and anything else is just fluff.

 

I think texting has become a scourge on society. I’ve ended 2 friendships over the last month via text, and I can’t even count the amount of bullshit mother f**kers coming thru the lines on text.

 

If you don’t like being ghosted on, stop texting. You don’t know who, what, when or where these people are. If you’re going to text, use the phone to solidify the date.

[Deadlift1]

no more texts. move on.

[Mocha]

no more texts. move on.

 

...and to add, I wasn’t placing blame on the OP for texting, as I understand it’s a 2 way street, and we all fall into the texting game at one point or another. Also, society and norms dictate that texting is “what you do”.

 

At the same time, what I am saying is to not necessarily rely on texts to judge whether something is “on” or not. Rather than contact someone else, how about lift the phone and call this prospective escort.

 

Last week, I had gotten into a text scuffle with a client over something silly. I had to pull myself together, and man up and call him. We cleared the situation over the phone...but still texted leading up to the visit. Then he came over and I fucked him, and all was well.

 

Had I not made that phone call, I probably would have lost him.

 

When you text, you’re having sex with your phone, not an actual person. Sometimes you have to just jump back into reality, and speak to a live person if things are not going on track.

[+ HarryReems4U]

Thank you, Mocha. I hate texting myself and try to avoid situations with people who think socialization and intimacy on a cramped little keyboard should dominate your life. I think that they are good for: "Hey, I'm, caught in traffic, but I should be there in fifteen minutes," but I much prefer the phone. And with the phone itself, it's really only the next best thing to being there, as those commercials from the seventies and eighties used to tell us.

[RyanDean]

It occurred to me that I should update this.

 

The gent finally returned my text, with apologies for having gone radio silent. We continued to exchange text messages to configure the details of a meetup, especially since my other obligations continued to shift the timing of things, up until my arrival at the meetup. The meetup was one of my best in four years of hiring. The next day, we exchanged some pleasant "morning after" texts. We have yet to speak on the phone.

 

I prefer to text and will initiate a phone conversation only upon the gent's request. In my experience (and as a former phone sex operator/performer, I know the phone well), being ghosted has little to do with the technology...

[Rudynate]

It occurred to me that I should update this.

 

The gent finally returned my text, with apologies for having gone radio silent. We continued to exchange text messages to configure the details of a meetup, especially since my other obligations continued to shift the timing of things, up until my arrival at the meetup. The meetup was one of my best in four years of hiring. The next day, we exchanged some pleasant "morning after" texts. We have yet to speak on the phone.

 

I prefer to text and will initiate a phone conversation only upon the gent's request. In my experience (and as a former phone sex operator/performer, I know the phone well), being ghosted has little to do with the technology...

 

 

Being ghosted is just a fact of life. The only solution to it is developing a thick hide.

 

If somebody ghosts me, they're usually history. But not always. Right now, on a fetish hookup site, I'm chatting with a hot guy who is really eager. He ghosted me a year or so ago, but I have just about decided to give him a pass.